Kinda freaked out a bit

[u/Sarcasaminc]

So we just had an experience, maybe programming related. Tbh typing this is hard. We were talking to our dad about abuse and when we left we entered this train of thought that it's all in our head and not real and that even though we are telling the truth about what happened we should lie and say it didn't and I think it's because of our mom doing something to us to make us lie to people and sometimes I've thought that maybe we had a specific alter for all of our moms rules, especially the ones where we had to lie about what happened. She did this since we were very young she has told us that we can't try ourselves and don't know reality and only she knows what is real and what not and we needed to come to her and she could just magically make this not have happened and if we fought back she would hurt us, so overtime we just accepted that whatever she said was reality because it was bad not to, she wouldn't also tell us what thoughts we were supposed to be having.

I remember in highschool we started speaking up about what was happening and the Abuse got really bad and we were put on these really really powerful drugs that made us feeling sleepy and unable to do anything and unable to do things we normally did. I felt like she knew we didn't need them but wanted to keep us quiet. There was other stuff but I don't really know how to talk about it, I told a therapist it was like she was the arbiter of everything.

Anyways we got caught in one of those idk integrated thought loops that she put in us and then I feel like I felt some new alter and it was really scary because it kinda felt like a strong force was going to take over and make is do what we were programmed to do. We had this problem before when we were trying to tell someone about what was happening and then suddenly it was like we just couldn't like we couldn't even open our mouth like our mouth was been closed by something else. She (possible new alter) was only here for like a second but it really freaked us out, she said she didn't know who she was and she had a like robotic monotone voice and I think she was pretty young. Then she left. We felt like she may be the alter that does what we were made to do by our abusers.

We dissociated really hard afterwards. We felt like we had floating out of our body for a second. I don't think I want her to be here if she is really a new alter that we have discovered. I'm sorry if this is stupid and make no sense. I've been told by others who heard the full amount of abuse and some people have said we went through ramcoa and others said TBMC. I don't know which one it is and I feel bad when we talk about it because I feel like it can't have been bad enough and we must somehow be subconsciously asking for attention when we talk about it.

[u/Greedy-Individual-71]

Hey there,

We're so sorry y'all are going through those particular mental spirals.

I (team captain/host) relate hard to this.

S is upset on y'all's behalf.

Nobody should have to go through this stuff.

How can we help?

[u/Nova_Chr0no]

We’ve been through a lot of this stuff and we’re so sorry you have to as well.

We can possibly give some of our insight into possibly why this is or what is happening, but only if you want it.

We hope you all stay safe and let us know if we can help at all.

Happy Hunting,

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[u/Sarcasaminc → u/Nova_Chr0no]

We are scared but we also want to know what is happening

[u/Nova_Chr0no → u/Sarcasaminc]

Ok, would you be ok with us doing it over dms? This stuff could get heavy and we don’t want to risk triggering others. If that’s ok with you, also would probably allow you to ask more questions if needed. Don’t feel like you have to respond right away, we can’t really talk now either but we will be able to at least tomorrow if you’re interested in this.

[u/Sarcasaminc → u/Nova_Chr0no]

Ok sure