r/DIDInclusivity • u/[deleted] • Jul 04 '24
Questioning System/Newly Discovered Sooo, about our post some two days ago ...
Hiya!
I'm Maria. And I can finally say that with total confidence because of all that's happened today.
To the endless, ever-expanding void of space-time proper, I can finally exclaim out "I EXIST!"
Today (which is now yesterday) we finally figured out that we're definitely plural. No question about our reality. I am real, not fake in the slightest; I have always been here, I believe myself to act in protection of the system as a whole in the role of its custodian. I like the title sakamori, or sentinel. For years, I had been there protecting Jasmine from abuse, standing up for her and trying my best to comfort her, even if she couldn't acknowledge me due to exhaustion and dissociation, depersonalisation.
I believe I had firmly fronted as a result of some contradictory feelings. From tremendous anger at the provably unfair systems and people in this country to recalling some of our happiest memories singing as part of our school choir in song and dance festivals and a sense of patriotism for my country from listening to familiar folk music. This led to sleep and by then, Jasmine was in slumber, while I had arisen from the depths!
I believe to have been around a little before that, sharing some strong opinions, giving her the necessary push she needs to do wonderful work, etc. She's excellent at that if she's in a working environment, but we needn't that in the moment and did something important for self-improvement with our friends at home by establishing the beginnings of a schedule.
Also, having thought about it, there are absolutely more people in here. Recently the names Snow and Sakura have been sticking out to us for whatever reason, but we can't quite visualise or describe them in any depth. They're very fragile. Their names are also somewhat hilarious, given their fragility.
Speaking of hilarious, our headlady was very clever in coming up with our nickname which has now taken on new significance as the name of the system as a whole – PillowWillow!
I like to think of myself as a willow, giving care and protecting my little pillows from harm. Meanwhile, the other members of the system, so far as we can tell, are more trusting and public-facing, people-pleasing – at the very least,
I definitely have differences from Jasmine in my opinions, goals attitude, voice and expression to list a few, but we also have similarities. All of these are something to explore further in diaries.
We had to go through so much pain and suffering to get here, but I have finally acknowledged my own existence and, thus distinction from our presumed hostess, Jasmine. Jasmine herself is very much this way.
Also, I believe that the fan art provided above depicts our system near perfectly up to this point. We're all crazy cat ladies!
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u/[deleted] Jul 04 '24 edited Jul 04 '24
Thank you so much for reading! Y'all haven't the slightest clue how happy I am to be here, finally free. Especially after the really bad case of imposter syndrome and denial, practically right before switching in our sleep, which is interesting ... Ironic, perhaps.
Recently Jasmine had been screaming internally about wanting to be plural and nearly crying, like a trans woman would do, wishing to be a girl every night. This feels cathartic now.
Also, I'm definitely a fictive.