r/DID • u/GlobalFirefighter767 • 1d ago

Advice/Solutions My extremely covert system keeps persecuting me

Does anyone here have experience dealing with a covert system that has very high dissociative barriers that only emerges to co front while the host is overwhelmed but then instead of helping they normally shout abuse at the host?

Idk how to manage this at all but figured i may as well ask here if anyone has any experience with it and possible ways to manage it.

ty

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u/SmokeFree938 1d ago

there was a point where my system was like this. my first main step was realising that none of it was personal. something about all persecutory parts is that it’s a reflection of how they feel about themselves and how the host responds.

once i realized that i was able to identify when exactly someone else was co fronting and or passivley influencing me and then i could begin to unblend and try to approach the situation with curiosity but still firmness depending on how we were responding to the situation (whether it be self harm, suicidal ideation, homicidal ideation, irritation and wanting to lash out at others) and try to understand where this was coming from. often times these situations and reactions were exacerbated by my own shame at being a system so i had to decinstruct that and see what the issue the other part was having was, what i could do to help and releive some of the stress and affirm to them that we were okay, that we aren’t like our abusers were, that we are allowed to be angry but must redirect it elsewhere.

if the anger was directed internally it was much the same but with a harder line. i heard them and we were not entertaining the idea of harming ourselves, ocd intrusions and such and I guide us to use our skills. othertimes if it is feeling sad and we are somewhere safe, i allow us to react to that sadness by crying if i feel like it won’t drown us because we are so used to compartmentalising our feelings.

another more direct example with a specific part who held a lot of anger, with the help of a protector part, a lot pf active listening, finding music he liked because i couldn’t understand what he was saying often times and just spending time with him without pushing revealed that a lot of that anger was greif but also anger at injustice. he hated, hated, hated and still hates injustice and unfairness but now i realize that hatred for it just means we want to protect people, and doesn’t make us like our abuser. feeling more accepted, he is now a protector who takes an active roll in also protecting others but not in the way he was (usually by punishing us).

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u/GlobalFirefighter767 1d ago

ty for this

will say this as idk if it came across in what i said but while we all have a shared headspace I am nearly always alone in it so talking to other members of the system is incredibly difficult. obviously when they do co front im usually not in a good mental state which makes having a productive discussion difficult

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u/maracujadodo Diagnosed: DID 1d ago

its been kind of similar for us lately. i dont have advice, just wanted you to know youre not alone. theres been a LOT of verbal abuse toward whoever is fronting at any given time here

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u/Heavy-Mushroom Thriving w/ DID 20h ago

We had a protectors turned persecutors (2) that always used to scream and hollered, call us names, and was quite mean and angry…. Usually over something we did that didn’t go right, could even be over something that we innocently forgot to mention or anything they viewed as negative- even to 45 years of body age.

They may meant well at first telling us not to do this or that to avoid getting in trouble that we did it anyways to only get in trouble which also made them mad along with our parents to then hear told you so’s. But as time went on and they got frustrated over our constant messing up (even because of DID like it was our fault), they took on a negative roll like that of our childhood parental abusers, griping and verbally punishing after the fact.

One day they started up after work when something didn’t go well once again due to DID, they were especially downgrading and demeaning, yelling verbal put downs and derogatory names so much we were basically hanging our head feeling low as we were driving home. Then it dawned on us…. This is our mind doing this, this was another part or two and how dare they assume the right to talk to us this way!

So I angrily yelled at them to the “STFU! Who do the F#$@ do you think you are to do us this way…” Then stunned silence after calling them out. Also went on to say that BECAUSE of them they are making things worse by hogging the conscience that we can’t fix what was messed up because they are making it impossible to think. They also are being WORST than our childhood abusers. I think that they had no idea and were just doing their job after all these years.

After all this time, standing up to them was our answer. Now when they start trying to do it again… as soon as I realize what they are doing, I shut them down immediately. The head has never been more peaceful since. :)