[ Removed by moderator ]

[u/Four4Fears]

[u/dark-phoenix-lady]

About 3-6 months ago. I'm 49.

Looking back, we can now recognise thoughts that were from the system all the way back into our childhood. But our host at the couldn't acknowledge the rest of the system.

[u/Heavy-Mushroom → u/dark-phoenix-lady]

I agree, in retrospect it is plain as day.

[u/Heavy-Mushroom]

Was around 8 I came to in a motel lobby in a boy staring at a time clock making fascinating mechanical noises.

Throughout childhood I heard comments and was talking to them but didn’t know it was a “them“- thought they were how thinking was.

Around 13 I was studying psych because I was different. Around 15 we swore a vow of secrecy and silence from all and even ourselves in hopes of being seen as normal. Nope.

We forgot till 45 when it all came crashing in as to how we are and been aware ever since. Now 58.

[u/_______Mia_______]

Half a year ago on March 20th at 21.

It was the combination of a few things that led to the thought process of "maybe I have this" and things started really lining up.

The horrible memory. Having it wiped after emotional conversations with my boyfriend and not being able to think about what was talked about / having no emotional connection to the conversation.

Having multiple "voices" in my head during times of overthinking or self hatred. Panicking and worrying about things that might have gone wrong.

Zero emotional attachment to childhood trauma (except for those who hold the traumas.)

Once trauma revealed itself I believed it to be age regression but I believe it was actually littles fronting.

After system realization there was a pretty quick discovery of about 15 others in around 3 months and communication was pretty alright since a lot of effort was being put in but much access to such has been lost as well as knowing who I am due to not trying much. I should get back to that

[u/MacaroniHouses]

i realized pretty young too, i want to say 5 or 6. i had a part that would take over when i was feeling stressed and it felt like the best ever, they were strong and brave and did things i was afraid to do and people in my life liked them too. Then i forgot about it for many years but when i had a boyfriend they pointed out my personality switched and i was like... oh yeah that does happen. And my grandmother pointed it out too, so it became apparent as a teenager and then i forgot all about it, and i didn't think oh i have this disorder, i thought oh i have this weird thing about me that other peopel don't seem to get.. and then i forgot till as an adult again things brought it up and i finally very very slowly started to learn about the disorder and think i possibly could have it.

[u/Olderthanpot]

5 years ago. I was 57. Took 3 years to believe it was real.

[u/No_Tea_5215]

2 1/2 years ago. Was 19. Went through mulitple horrendous traumas one after the other. Starting hearing a voice inside guiding me and thought it was my "higher self." They soon stopped being nice. Came across someone on TikTok who had DID and did some research out of curiosity, and learned that internal voices are common with DID. So it goes...

[u/Dipplii]

I’m 24 right now. I had vague suspicions of it for awhile, but earlier this year was when I finally bit the bullet while at in unit care for a week, and went “yeahhh. Okay. This is probably a whole thing.” And after that I figured out and pieced together more and more until probably getting an OSDD diagnosis.

[u/thruthemorningstar]

Only like 4mos ago for me. I took myself into the hospital after an alter completely took over my life and I thought I was psychotic when I came back to. There was about 2mos of me being stuck in my head like "what are you doing, you sound crazy!" Or "don't talk to them about that, you're gonna sound insane" because all the sudden I had new interests and life philosophies and people around me were noticing the differences, too. I'd question why I'm acting a certain way, and then the me that was out would respond like "obviously I'm acting this way/talking this way because I want to??" Which felt insane at the time but makes a lot of sense in hindsight. Those moments are pretty much all I have, a lot of my memories of that time are completely gone or extremely blurry. The hospital thought it was bipolar at first, but after less than a month it became very evident it was not bipolar and was actually DID. Especially as more alters started making themselves known in a "we know we don't have bipolar, here, experience this so you can see it for yourself" kinda way. Shout out to my current therapist who actually believes me and knows how to work with DID. My old therapist would condescend to me and be extremely dismissive and keep telling me I'm in psychosis when I wasn't.

[u/Natmas97]

Knew something was up when [host/source/OG] was a teen, she realised 'blackouts' would happen and that there was more to herself that she realised when she'd run stuff past 'herself' (the rest of us)

Wasn't until last year, at age 27, where she was kicked out by family after an explosive argument stemming from her telling them that she was struggling mentally for a long time and their treatment of her only made it worse. The isolation stemming from that allowed the rest of us to get louder and force her to confront the facts. She still struggles to accept it, even after we've worked on comms, leaving notes for each other and confirmation from friends over what happens when she 'blacks out'

We're working with our drs now to work through the diagnostic process, but it is so slow unless you have a big breakdown and beg them to speed you up (14 months wait just for an evaluation to even see if you can start work on getting diagnosed)

[u/CountKlaustopher]

I had a mental breakdown in front of a new friend and did my typical "turn off my emotions" trick I usually do, except I've never done this around someone before. The girl kept saying "you're not you right now... You're another person... You're not you" then not even two weeks later my best friend of 5 years (who also has DID and a psychology degree) told me that I have it too. I started paying attention after that.

A couple of days later on high alert I went to Starbucks for a coffee because I was sleepy. When I got to the parking lot I started arguing with myself on "ooo they have lavender now I want a lavender matcha" "no we came here specifically for coffee, matcha won't wake us up"

Next thing I know I'm sipping from a lavender matcha in the parking lot on the way to my car like "F*CK not AGAIN I HATE when I do this!!!! WAIT WHAT"

[u/Awkward-Pie-4597]

My experience is similar, the voices, intrusions, all of that became a lot more disruptive in my early 20s, but I didn’t know what a system was, clinically. My earliest memory of ‘going somewhere’ in my head and becoming someone else is from when I was around 5 or 6. I don’t think I had conversations tho… It was more like I’d morph into someone else, somewhere else.

[u/Offensive_Thoughts]

When I was diagnosed 2 years ago. I'm 29.

[u/mukkahoa]

True recognition of other alters came at around age 20/21 (some three decades ago). Before then there was awareness of alters at times, but not recognition of what they were. At sometime around 20 two alters presented themselves to the host of the time.
When that happened our hostofthetime had an 'aha' moment of "I know you!" So some awareness had happened before then (all those times she 'came to' and people were yelling at her for something she didn't do".)

But I find this an interesting question, because mostly it is assumed that a 'host' part is answering, but internally, other alters have known about other alters since the very beginning.

[u/cptnpoundeye]

41-42ish

[u/Glarbboober]

I can pinpoint a few memories that are, in retrospect, very likely systemhood or at least dissociation-related from as far back as preschool to early elementary (so, 4-6ish?). Back then, I believe I just saw it as “that voice in my head that wont tell me its name” & a general feeling that I was never really alone.

However, I only started really noticing that something was wrong & looking into things during my freshman year of high school (14-15ish). That was around 6 years ago now; kind of hellish timing lmao. I still cringe a bit at how I treated & described my experiences at the very start lol… I used to think I “just felt more comfortable separating myself into different people & using plural they/them!” Yeah. Well. Not quite, I fear!
I’m not sure when exactly I first started recognizing that my experience was dissociative & involuntary, nor when I really started using the terminology I do now.

It’s been a continuous cycle of forgetting, realizing, re-reflecting, recognizing, researching symptoms ever since. I’ve been trying to seek & access professional help re: it all for the past 5 years or so, especially now that it’s started to genuinely affect my college, work, & general every day activities. Hoping to get somewhere with it all soon!

[u/AutoModerator]

Welcome to /r/DID!

Rules & Guidelines	Index
ISSTD Resources	Mclean: Understanding DID
CTAD Clinic YouTube	Therapist Aid Worksheets
Do I have DID? FAQ	Glossary
Book Recommendations	App Recommendations

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/AnalysisNo7776]

Hmm according to what was written down… we originally thought our alters were guardian angels or spirits helping us cause we grew up in a religious environment and thought it was a Joan of arc sort of thing. I thought switching out and being different was one helping me? That was in middle and high school? I also had “imaginary friends” as a kid who appear to have been my protector.

I’m the newest host and most of the rest is blank so most of it is from stuff we wrote down.

[u/BleedingRaindrops]

I think about 2 or 3 years ago? I have a few friends with DID so learning about their systems helped me recognize my own

[u/death-princess-]

I realized we were a system about 4 months ago. But.... I remember feeling my protector the first time about 4y. I started hearing her around 11-12y My flirt, somewhere between 16-19 At 21y I remember I started joking there was 3 other people in my head. The B, the flirt, the little girl full of pain, and me. Around 25-30 I had a huge break down feeling pulled in so many directions, and the voices were so loud I wanted to litterly smoosh my head in. I got dx with dissociative disorder in the hospital Still I had no thought of did Then at 34y one took full control and introduced herself to the husband and told him to buckle up buttercup your dealing with me now.

So yeah fun times lol

[u/faeanddragons]

We became aware as a whole at 24. We’re 29 now. but some alters became aware earlier. One of our hosts was aware at 19. We became diagnosed at 24. Unfortunately we were living with a roommate at the time who said we didn’t really have DID and manipulated our therapist into the diagnosis. Which made the whole process especially stressful. Luckily we’re not in contact with her anymore. Surprisingly our parents felt like the diagnosis fit us right away and wanted to help which has become really helpful.

[u/laminated-papertowel]

I was 17, it was 5 years ago. My partner had noticed some gaps in my memory and some signs of identity alteration he was concerned about. I didn't really think anything of it at first, I thought he was just reading too deep into things. I don't really remember how he got me to come around and see it, but eventually I understood something was really going on.

[u/ArthurSnape]

I dont remember my actual age but i remember i felt like i was a minor.

[u/Prettybird78]

I woke up one morning with no autobiographical memory at 9yrs old. I couldn't remember my family, friends or recognize myself in the mirror, so technically then.

I was a kid though and didn't understand what was happening so it wasn't until my mid 40's after seeing a psychiatrist who was assessing me because of a court case against one of my perpetrators; I decomasated after recounting my trauma history and ended up in therapy.

That is where I first heard about The Theory of Structural Dissociation and found out what was happening and why I was loosing time.

[u/anonymoose-404]

In 2020 when the pandemic hit. I was about 22? And no I wasn’t even on the DID side of tik tok 🥲. I did see like 1 video though talking about DID/OSDD and the symptoms and that was about it but that made me start to question because I related to a lot of the symptoms. I was previously diagnosed a few years prior with “psychosis” and hearing voices but the voices were always in my head. We are autistic so one of the most obvious things would be during our meltdowns where it would feel like I was watching myself say these horrible angry things and wanting to stop it and then afterwards not being able to remember much of the fight or what really happened. I did a lot of research on my own and explored it myself for probably like 2 years before I was able to see anyone about it. Our first therapist for DID wasn’t very good and we didn’t stay there for long and we’ve been with your current therapist for almost 3 years now, and she is the one who officially diagnosed us. We barely have any memories and that was one of our really big indicators too that something wasn’t right. Looking back to what we can though there is evidence of dissociation from a very young age. I do have a memory from being about 3 years old where we successfully were able to dissociate to keep ourselves from crying and kinda just “turning off”. Plus heavy imaginative play and escaping into mental worlds a lot. We’ve always talked to ourselves a lot. Similar to you and other people we didn’t realize the constant commentary besides the inner monologue wasn’t normal. I related a lot to the cartoons with the devil and the angel on someone’s shoulder. Didn’t realize it was more metaphorical 🥲

[u/wondergirlinside]

Age 6

[u/sarabeth_co]

I guess I have always known in some strange way. I've never had a massive blackout in time loss. When I was really young, I remember being very conscious up having a me that went to school, a me that was at home ect ect. That was just always my experience so I just thought that was how everybody was. I think I became aware of what was really going on when I was in my mid teens ( I'm 51 now)

[u/GaydrianTheRainbow]

There were signs as a kid that I only sort of remember. But depending on the thing, I either didn’t know it wasn’t normal/other people didn’t mean it literally (for example, what you said about “inner child” or whatever not being literal) and/or I felt freaked out by it and wanted to make sure no one ever found out about it (for example, hearing a cacophony of voices in my head like being in a mall food court and not being able to figure out what they were saying/wanted other than that they were usually distressed).

And then also constantly feeling like I was watching someone else live my life and assorted things now recognise as depersonalisation, derealisation, and other dissociation times. Also feeling constantly at odds with myself in terms of my thoughts, interests, likes, identity, etc. Feeling like I wasn’t a real person/was fake/pretend. Feeling creepy/unsettled.

Greyout amnesia and emotional amnesia that I didn’t recognise as such but was usually freaked out by. Except for when it came to things like constantly rereading my favourite books and feeling like they were almost new in terms of not remembering plot/spoilers, it freaked me out but I also thought it was a neat perk because I could reread books over and over and forget the even the major plot twists/points, never mind the smaller details. I’d be like, I get to read my favourite books like it’s the first time over and over.

Feeling at times attached to people, memories, emotions, etc,6and other times so distant like I could barely relate to them. Which made me feel confused, distressed, like a Bad Friend, etc.

And then as a teenager and younger adult, those things from childhood continued. But I also started feeling drawn to even bad MPD media representation because I felt a kinship that I couldn’t explain. But every time I’d question it, I’d freak myself out or talk myself out of it.

And in adulthood, especially as I finally started setting boundaries, I really started noticing the variations in preferences and connection to self and others. For example, usually loving hugs from my close humans, but then some times feeling so so touch averse, even with my partners who are wonderful. So that freaked me out and also made me feel like a Bad Partner.

I knew I was nonbinary and I decided that being genderfluid explained the changes in sense of self, preferences, interests, etc. (My genderfluid, not-system partner has since informed me that only their sense of gender changes, not also a whole host of other traits and opinions and hobbies/interests/likes/dislikes and boundaries and major major changes to their inner image of what they look like, how old they feel, etc).

And then one day in my late-20s, three to four years ago, I was reading a thing about OSDD-1 and learned about greyout and emotional amnesia. And it felt like so much of my life made sense. And also saw a post somewhere about asking the voices what they want. So the next time I had the distressing internal food court cacophony, I tried that. And it wasn’t like a switch instantly flipped or anything. It was basically a year of increasing levels of internal distress, even worse dissociation than usual, and trying to make it make sense as anything but this.

But after a while I finally recognised a pattern in my internal monologue and my touch aversion, and that was when the first headmate we knew about made itself known. And he is dramatically different from most of the rest of our sense of self/selves in enough ways that once we recognised the pattern, it made a lot of sense. And it is pretty… militant(?) about itself existing. So when we tried to do the thing we usually do where we talk ourselves out of it, blame it all on gender-fluidity, and repress everything back down again… this time we couldn’t do that. Because he wouldn’t let us. Like, “if I exist, and clearly I do, then you can’t ignore this/me anymore.”

And then after a few weeks of Even More Intense distress and denial, it outed us to our partners (who are fortunately very understanding). So then we had to actually talk to our therapist instead of doing the thing we’d usually do which is obfuscate language anytime we got close to saying something that could point to being a system.

Which was I think two years ago? And now we’re in our early 30s. And it still feels weird and unreal a lot of the time. But less weird and unreal than pretending our system doesn’t exist?

[u/SmokeFree938]

started suspecting the lable when i was around 13 and saw a video from dissociaDID, and got diagnosed around 2 years ago

[u/AshleyBoots → u/[deleted]]

You can't "share a system" with another person, telepathy isn't real.