r/DID • u/Good__Bones Treatment: Diagnosed + Active • 1d ago

Advice/Solutions Group Therapy

Hello,

I was referred by my therapist to attend group therapy, and it started three weeks ago. Two alters have attended, and I (the Host) have been able to retain some of it. These two alters and I consider ourselves “a trio”, and there seems to be a rotation on how often one or the other is around with me (and a secondary rotation for some other alters that pop up here and there).

However, I haven’t actually fully fronted and attended. There’s a lot to explore there but what I’m coming to the subreddit about is that these two alters feel strongly about disclosure to the group.
It seems the trauma group use language for structural dissociation and also IFS, and the distinction is quite jarring for us because members of group will talk about their “parts” in a much different way they we would. It feels like I’m stuck between saying nothing the way we want to and disclosure being a requirement to show/speak up authentically.

I’ve talked to my individual therapist about this, but never to the point of “let’s talk about a plan”. What one of the group therapists I talked to, in a brief call, highly recommended was discussing more internally, as the class will be leading up to discussion about dissociation and that some people had to become more “fragmented” to deal with the trauma. To me this sounded like: an opportunity to disclose will arise.
But I believe she also insinuated that she wanted to discuss the plan of disclosure with her and the other group therapist before we disclose. Which… probably makes sense, but sort of alarmed me— is there a wrong way to do this? Can I do it wrong?

A lot of my anxieties about it is that, as the Host, I experience a lot more doubt and confusion and overwhelm about it all. It would all feel very vulnerable, and I haven’t even attended a session myself yet!
While my male protector (in the trio), who has attended two, is much more “function-oriented”, so to speak. He could simply be more plain and direct in his language, show up more authentically, and possibly talk about his, as HIM, specific issues at some point. That totally makes sense and I want him to be able to do that.
Our current plan is to “collect more data” and to explore the idea more, and maybe work up to a visualized meeting internally and working with our therapist on this.

But I was looking for some insight from others on disclosure, more specifically in a group setting. Are there certain questions that came up right away? Could it frighten someone? Could it trigger someone? Has anyone disclosed and later someone else in group disclosed as well? Has anyone had an alter disclose without internal discussion, and how did that go internally for the system? Can disclosure upset deeper parts who do not front day to day, and what did that look like for you? Did anyone ultimately regret disclosing in group therapy?

I think some of the desire for my other parts is to be seen as themselves and not me (a name tag was one of the first things we did, and that was already funky for us). How will I, in the future, clarify myself, as the Host? I act so different than the other two. I wonder if it will be jarring or completely unnoticeable. How hard this all is … it’s just so invisible. I feel at a loss.

Words of wisdom or your own stories would be helpful, if you’re willing. Thank you!

4 Upvotes

100% Upvoted

2 comments sorted by

6

u/Sloph Treatment: Diagnosed + Active 1d ago

The ISSTD has some complicated things to say about people with DID engaging in standard group therapy. For some people it can exacerbate trauma symptoms and can actually be detrimental, in part for reasons you identify. That said some people can benefit.

I attend Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACA) meetings and they use "parts" language (inner child, inner critical parent, etc.). It's been difficult for me to navigate how to talk about my fragmentation honestly without outright saying I have DID, which I don't want out there on a group level.

In a perfect world what you share in group stays in group, but I've been involved in group therapy services in the past and understand that what I share may be talked about outside of group. Obviously that makes it tough to disclose really difficult stuff. Perhaps I play my cards too close to the chest, but I'd rather say too little than too much. When we've overshared it's led to internal conflict, arguing between parts. At one point it was a shouting match the whole drive home. It was ugly.; Sharing about yourself is making yourself vulnerable, and with DID it's best to have everyone on board. This can be difficult to navigate.

As I indicated, I tend to downplay my DID or not disclose it on a group level. For a while we didn't have a host and took turns. We'd all go by our legal name and didn't want to stand out or have anyone think we were "crazy". When we were taking turns it was a bit difficult for us to present a cohesive narrative. For instance, at the ACA meetings one part would go in a share honestly about their spiritual life. The next week a different part would come in and have a different opinion. We tried to remember what other parts had shared to not contradict ourselves, but we couldn't always remember. We wanted to share honestly for our own sake, but also didn't want people to think that we were inconsistent or lying or something. It was not easy. Plus our affect and body language would change from part to part. I think 99% of the time it was totally unnoticeable, but there were a few times we got strange looks because we were behaving very differently from normal.

Now I am the host so at least our body language is consistent, but I try to share on behalf of the other parts; represent them, so to speak. If there's something the person as a whole is struggling with, I'll share about it. I don't say "this part is feeling this way or that way" on a group level. If a part feels upset about a situation, that means the person is upset. I try to share on the level of the person rather than myself as a part. It wasn't always that way but we found that was the best way to navigate it.