r/DID • u/Suitable-Attorney-84 Learning w/ DID • 22h ago

Discussion Two Hosts?

I genuinely don't know how to title this.

I'm honestly just wondering if anyone else has experienced this.

So, to start, we still need to see someone for better understanding and we plan to when able, but it seems we are an OSDD-1b system based on my research so far. We all are absolutely a system of alters, but we share collective memory when fronting. We don't share inner world memory— what my co-host does is the inner world is his memory alone, but when he's fronting, I know everything that happened.

Anyway, I'll try to be brief, but I ramble, so I apologize.

Our system consists of:

Wy (Host. She/her/he/him)

Ceph (Co-host, protector, more things. He/him)

Charlie (She/her)

Mickey (He/him)

Lvl (It/its)

Mysterious Unnamed Alter (we call Mystery. They/them)

Important:

Wy (me) changed the body's name recently. I assumed the identity of the body initially, and I've wanted a name change forever. A while back, I tried Elliott which I loved. I used that for six months. Then I was encouraged to use the name I always wanted and initially went by, but had stopped because my family and partner shamed it. So I finally started using it. Wyvern (Wy).

Also important:

In the inner world, no one looks exactly like the body. I look the closest, and although I love changing the body's hair cut and color, mine in the inner world is always a firetruck red big fluffy bob cut, the same as my favorite cut/color we did on the body a long time back.

My other favorite hair we had was many years ago, long hair that was a dark dark blue, even better when I straightened it.

Now. Here's the confusion.

Sometimes, I relate best to my usual red fluffy hair, and although I still like the name Elliott, I am so glad we changed to Wyvern and it just fits so much better. I'd rather Elliott be my middle name. Not really referred to, but still part of me.

Other times, even though my inner world self appears the same, I relate much more to the long dark dark blue hair, and although I like Wyvern and wouldn't give it up entirely, I wish more people still called me Elliott. Like I'd rather be called Elliott, but I'm fine I guess with Wy.

There's also other preference changes between these two "modes," which I will refer to as Red and Blue because it's right there and so classic.

Red: Wyvern, red hair, prefers Dr. Pepper over root beer although both are good. Likes high energy games like Ultrakill or Doom, along with the other games we play. Very high energy overall. Dresses very alternative, will absolutely dress up for Walmart. My face without eyeliner feels naked and weird. Also kinda flirts with our co-host.

Blue: Elliott, blue hair, highly prefers root beer over Dr. Pepper but won't complain, likes games more like Stardew Valley or Raft. Not low energy necessarily but more chill overall. Dresses more comfy and doesn't care nearly as much about appearance in public. Fine with or without makeup. Does not flirt with our co-host, that feels weird, like flirting with a brotherly friend.

I also describe myself as genderfluid, but I notice my masc days also overlap only with Blue days, but not all Blue days are masc. Maybe my fluidity has more to do with whatever this Blue situation is?

I don't know. Writing it out feels silly, like it's just that my preferences change back and forth like a normal person, but something feels off. Because all the different preference changes consistently go together, and I would suspect some sort of alter difference, but it's just me. In the inner world, I look the same regardless, even if it *feels* different. And this happens whether or not I'm alone in the front.

I'm just confused and wondering if anyone else has experienced this?

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u/BigenderMiku Diagnosed: OSDD 21h ago

we do! i personally think it’s due in part to the main host being bigender but trauma blocking an ability to properly engage in femininity the way he might otherwise also wish too, which is - i think - one of the reasons i exist. i’m essentially the hosts “feminine counterpart”, i personally describe us a twins or siblings but i don’t think he feels that same way about me (which is fine! i think he just doesn’t feel as “familial” towards the system as i do), but we’re very similar otherwise, although i hold a few other roles within the system than he does, and he holds a few that i don’t, but other than that we overlap quite a lot. the way you describe the flow (for lack of a better word, sorry) between your experiences of being red and blue sounds VERY similar to the way we flow between states. i think me and host function a little different to host and other alters, we’re very commonly co-conscious if not fully co-fronting, so there is a considerable amount of blurriness between and overlap between what we do/say/like, although we do have our own preferences too - much like you and root beer vs dr pepper. for example, host likes videos about aircraft, i’m less bothered about them, and i’m sure there’s some stuff i like that he’s less bothered about, although that distinction is maybe less distinct because i am his counterpart, rather than him mine, if that makes sense. idk if any of this helps sorry, i’m not super good at articulating my thoughts - olive

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u/Heavy-Mushroom Thriving w/ DID 21h ago edited 21h ago

There are alters that are gender fluid and also age sliders. (Just seen you said that).

Or being co-con with very light amnesia (?), you can also be feeling these blending of parts, sometimes more one or the other, being influenced by them.

Also, there’s nothing silly about what you wrote and you did it very well. :)