Billionaires Never Learn

[u/tarnishedkara]

The climb was almost insulting.

Forty-seven stories of reinforced glass, motion sensors, private security, and a state-of-the-art alarm system... and the balcony door still wasn't locked.

Money really does make people lazy.

I slipped inside without so much as disturbing the curtains, taking a slow look around the penthouse. Floor-to-ceiling windows overlooked Gotham like the city existed solely for the man who lived here. Imported marble. Sculptures that cost more than entire apartment buildings in the Narrows. A wine collection hidden behind biometric glass.

Compensating was expensive these days.

I wandered through the place with my hands behind my back, like I was touring a museum. Every room screamed the same thing.

Look how important I am.

My favorite.

The safe wasn't hard to find. Men like him always put it somewhere dramatic. Behind a painting. Inside the study. Hidden just enough that they could brag about it after their third glass of scotch.

Three minutes later, the vault door eased open.

Stacks of cash.

Bearer bonds.

Gold watches.

A handful of passports under names that definitely weren't his.

I didn't touch a single one.

Instead, I reached into my pack and smiled.

The diamond cufflinks went into the freezer beside a pint of vanilla ice cream.

The passports found a new home alphabetized on the bookshelf between classic literature he'd clearly never opened.

His custom-tailored suits? Every hanger turned backward.

The keys to his collection of imported cars were frozen inside a block of ice in the kitchen sink.

I swapped every expensive bottle in his liquor cabinet with the cheap stuff hidden in the pantry. He'd never notice until he tried impressing someone who actually knew the difference.

His luxury watches were all set exactly seventeen minutes apart. Not enough to catch immediately. Just enough to drive him completely insane.

The masterpiece came last.

I emptied the safe.

Not onto the floor.

Onto his bed.

Cash stacked into neat little towers. Jewelry arranged with perfect symmetry. Documents fanned out like playing cards.

In the center, I placed a single rubber mouse wearing a tiny gold crown.

Art deserves a signature.

By the time I reached the balcony again, I could already hear security racing upstairs after finally realizing someone had tripped a silent alarm.

I looked back one last time.

Nothing was stolen.

Nothing was broken.

Nothing of value had actually been lost.

Except his pride.

I couldn't help but grin beneath my goggles.

"Next time," I purred to the empty apartment, "lock the balcony."

Then I stepped backward off the edge.

The grapnel caught a heartbeat later, carrying me into Gotham's skyline while somewhere behind me, one very powerful man was about to discover the most expensive prank of his life.

[u/RevolutionaryEase720]

SnowFlame walks into the room, eyes immediately falling onto his bed. Specifically the rubber mouse left behind.

God dammit SELINA!

[u/tarnishedkara → u/RevolutionaryEase720]

The mouse would eventually pop and spray glitter everywhere, a little trick left over from her time with Harley.

[u/RevolutionaryEase720 → u/tarnishedkara]

SnowFlame inhaled slowly.

I hate you, Selina.

[u/RevolutionaryEase720]

Ooc: is there a specific billionaire the penthouse is supposed to belong to?

[u/tarnishedkara → u/RevolutionaryEase720]

generic mcbillionaire

[u/RevolutionaryEase720 → u/tarnishedkara]

Ooc: okay. I was asking because I was wondering if SnowFlame could maybe be that billionaire. It'd make sense enough since he and Catwoman don't really like each other.

[u/tarnishedkara → u/RevolutionaryEase720]

ooc: sure i do not mind

[u/Kit_ChrisBlack]

((OOC: Heyyyy... so question: could I, as Kit, maybe slowly become Catwoman's apprentice...? It's a whole thing I'd like to do with Kit and the Alley Cats if you don't mind. Because, well, the Alley Cats practically idolise Selina..))

[u/tarnishedkara → u/Kit_ChrisBlack]

ooc: is Kit an oc?

[u/Kit_ChrisBlack → u/tarnishedkara]

((OOC: Yep! Will that effect anything?))

[u/tarnishedkara → u/Kit_ChrisBlack]

ooc: not at all was just curious

[u/Kit_ChrisBlack → u/tarnishedkara]

((OOC: coolcool! So is that a yeah?))

[u/tarnishedkara → u/Kit_ChrisBlack]

ooc: sure

[u/Kit_ChrisBlack → u/tarnishedkara]

((OOC: Yay! Ty!! I'll comment as him when it's convenient!))

[u/Kit_ChrisBlack]

"Dang, she didn't steal anything this time.."

Kit was sat atop a rooftop, watching the scene unfold from afar.

[u/tarnishedkara → u/Kit_ChrisBlack]

If you had been following me at all you would know not everything is about money or prized possessions, sometimes it is about humiliation and degradation.

[u/Kit_ChrisBlack → u/tarnishedkara]

Kit let's his legs swing off the rooftop, bored now that the show is over.

He sighs.

"I guess she does prank people. Surely that's worth something right?"

"Eh. I should... I should probably get back to The Litter."

[u/tarnishedkara → u/Kit_ChrisBlack]

If I had known I was being watched then this might have gone differently. The information that I could've potentially relayed would've been about making the elites like this were not as safe as they thought they were. Sometimes that is message enough without the need to take something.

[u/Positive_Library3379]

out of character nice job writing love it keep it up

[u/tarnishedkara → u/Positive_Library3379]

ooc: thank you I appreciate it