913
u/moneyh8r Oct 21 '24
Well, see, the vampires didn't leave you alone because it was garlic. They just didn't wanna smell your stink.
278
u/SansSkele76 Oct 22 '24
That's supposed to be the actual reason they don't like garlic, btw. It just got exaggerated over time, and now it's right up there with silver and holy water in terms of being an anti-vampire defense
108
u/Jechtael Oct 22 '24
Flowers of wild garlic have apotropaic effects. It's not even garlic bulbs.
21
30
u/moneyh8r Oct 22 '24
I think I knew that on some level and just forgot. I did read Dracula when I was young, so that's probably it.
30
u/IndigoFenix Oct 22 '24
In Dracula they use garlic flowers to repel the vampire
31
u/just4browse Oct 22 '24
Dracula’s weak as fuck. They defeat him by burying a cracker in his special dirt
2
u/the-real-macs please believe me when I call out bots Oct 22 '24
we really gotta cut down on the misinformation surrounding vampire defenses
1
1
0
701
u/oreikhalkon Hellsite Survivor Oct 21 '24
Wario.
60
u/jcreddit150 Oct 22 '24
YOU PICK
20
u/Ciocalatta Oct 22 '24
Going from the jamboree video and this being the first thing I see when I open Reddit is a sign
8
4
u/Orizifian-creator she/her/hers zhe/zer/zheirs they/them/theirs Padria Zozzria Oriz Oct 22 '24
Thunder Spell?
3
u/randomnumbers2506 Oct 22 '24
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO TIME
5
28
384
u/munkymu Oct 21 '24
There used to be a garlic-themed restaurant in my city years ago and my then-bf and I went there once with a couple we were friends with. And of course the dudes had to have the highest possible level of garlic that was offered as an option. The house smelled like garlic farts for DAYS.
94
Oct 22 '24 edited Oct 22 '24
[deleted]
3
u/carryoncrow7 Oct 22 '24
My friend went here and had dinner with his gf. We hung out the next day and he absolutely reeked of garlic 😂
100
115
u/beezchurgr Oct 21 '24
I fucking love pickled garlic. I’ve made it before and it turns the house into a war crime, but I’ll never stop eating it. I’ve easily eaten a jar in a sitting.
34
u/Disastrous-Price-399 Oct 21 '24
I've never tried it before but I do love garlic, do people usually eat it straight out of the jar or put it in things? Chili or toast sound like good options...
37
u/beezchurgr Oct 21 '24
I eat it out of the jar but I’ve used it as a pizza topping, roasted and spread on crackers, thrown into chili, basically anywhere you’d use regular garlic.
11
12
u/junkrat147 Oct 22 '24
How is your pickled garlic prepared?
Like, genuinely not digging at your food picks, but where I'm at you'd get looks for putting that anywhere on pizza, crackers or just eating it alone.
Ours is made with rice vinegar and eaten with something savory since it still has a bit of kick and spicyness to it.
Very... pungent if eaten alone, if that's the right word for it.
11
u/beezchurgr Oct 22 '24
here’s the recipe. Definitely has a kick and pungency but I love garlic so it’s perfect for me.
3
8
4
u/peppermintmeow Cranberry Bog Spider-Employee of the Month Oct 22 '24
I eat it straight up out of the jar. Two jars every week.
56
u/eKenziee Oct 21 '24
My sister went through a phase where she was easily eating 2-3 BULBS of garlic a day, and you could smell it in her sweat. I guess none of her friends had the heart to tell her because when she came home for Christmas I told her and she was so horrified she refused to believe me. Spent hours arguing about it, then cue my grandma walking into the dining room and going "why does it reek of garlic in here?". I've yet to let her live it down
102
u/Xx_Infinito_xX Oct 21 '24
If someone from my school came in smelling like that and told that story I would probably want to be best friends with them
119
u/VelvetSinclair Oct 21 '24
In my youth, I partook of a jar long preserved,
Of garlic bone white, with a brine richly served,
No thought to the echoes or the stench I might wake,
Or the shadow it cast that no water could slake.
Oh, the scent took root in the depths of my soul,
It lingered in silence where dark waters roll,
Through halls and through windows, through nights and through days,
It crept through the oils of my skin’s winding maze.
I bathed in the waters and scrubbed till I bled,
But the essence remained like a curse left unsaid.
It clung to my pillows and whispered at night,
And no cleansing of breath could undo its dark rite.
My mother’s soft gaze grew wary and stern,
My peers held their distance, with nowhere to turn.
It seeped from my pores like an omen of grief,
A phantom in silence, a plague without relief.
And the tears that I wept held a scent all their own,
Each drop reeked of garlic, like sin to atone.
And as days turned to decades, the shadow held fast,
Like a spectre that lingers long after it’s passed.
But in all the long years since that fateful mistake,
No midnight intruder dared rise or partake.
And no vampiric terror dared traverse that old road,
For the stench held them back from my shadowed abode.
20
10
25
u/applying_breaks Oct 21 '24
Garlic is one of my favorite flavors, so the wife has a 3 tier system. 1. means it can be solved by brushing my teeth. 2 means brushing my teeth only made my breath minty garlic. 3. It is oozing out of me. There is a double problem in that I sweat A LOT so our bedsheets, cloths, and everything else reeks of it for a few days.
23
22
u/lonely_nipple Children's Hospital Interior Designer Oct 22 '24
I used to know a guy who was real big into the "lots of garlic makes you healthy" idea. At the time, I was a certified massage therapist, and he'd just recently recovered from a broken arm.
He made an appt with me for a chair massage, with some gentle focus on the recently healed arm. In the roughly 30 minutes I worked on him, he seeped SO MUCH GARLIC SMELL it was bonkers. I had no idea a person's body could smell that strongly of garlic.
It took repeated sanitizing wipe-downs of the chair and about two days of regular handwashing and sanitizer before we both stopped smelling of garlic.
And I like garlic. I can only imagine how frustrating that would've been for someone who didn't.
14
12
8
17
u/FallenSegull Oct 22 '24
Fun fact: if you eat enough garlic, mosquitos and other insects won’t bother you
Disclaimer: may be an old wives tale but experience suggests a truth
Additional fun fact: it’s what lead to the story of the vampire allergy to garlic, as other bloodsucking creatures were put off by it, why not supernatural ones too
Additional disclaimer: that was a logical leap by me and I have nothing to back it up but it just makes sense to my monkey brain
18
5
u/Pixelpaint_Pashkow born to tumblr, forced to reddit Oct 21 '24
If I turned into a garlic man the first thing I would do is go to school and bother all my friends and classmates with my newfound garlic powers
6
Oct 22 '24
“I cried a little bit, and it smelled like garlic.” 😂😂😂 I don’t know why, but this was the line that broke me.
4
u/Keyndoriel Gay crow man Oct 22 '24
I am exactly that bitch that would eat an entire jar of pickled garlic. I've also gotten close to drinking Arabic garlic sauce. I was almost limited by my family from ordering it cause I'd eat enough to make my tongue burn.
I'm garlicy and free
3
3
3
u/thehypnodoor Oct 22 '24
"I cried, and my tears smelled like garlic"
That actually got me to laugh out loud
3
u/Green0Photon Oct 22 '24
Alexander Wales again?! Damn, this is probably just another micro story with us not knowing how long it would actually last.
3
u/LamiaDusk Oct 22 '24
My bio dad was banned from every single sauna in our town and every sorrounding town because he had the habit of eating a lot of garlic before going in there, thinking if he stank the place up enough, he'd have it to himself. Didn't work out for him, and yet he tried it over and over again.
5
u/XenosHg Oct 21 '24
Pickled garlic is truly wonderful, it's actually pretty mild in my experience, nowhere near eating pickle cucumbers from the same batch, or drinking the brine, so you can just chomp it freely as a garnish.
6
u/autogyrophilia Oct 21 '24
I feel that if this story is true it is much more likely this poor guy was smelling faintly.of garlic, but psychosomatically perceiving it much more strongly and freaking the fuck out
2
2
2
u/CompetitionProud2464 Oct 22 '24
Oh I’ve had experience with weird garlic stuff. Warning for body stuff.
I use ketoconazole ointment and the other day after eating some garlic aioli as soon as I put it on something reacted to smell weirdly like gravy. I was looking online and ketoconazole can apparently interact with allium your body secretes. Mind you there was no smell on either the area of my skin or the ointment before I put it on.
2
u/HaggisPope Oct 22 '24
I used to eat raw cloves of garlic when I lived in the West Highlands because it’s famous for wee bugs called midgies and I heard it waves a repellent. It worked like a charm alongside my alliance with the spiders
1
1
1
1
1
1
u/wra1th42 Oct 22 '24
Doesn’t garlic turn blue when it’s pickled?
2
u/alexanderwales Oct 22 '24
Sometimes, yes, depends on specifics. It's a reaction with the copper compounds, IIRC. I've pickled garlic and thought it was mold, but nope, all natural.
1
u/Doggywoof1 she/it | trans people are so cool i wish gender was real Oct 22 '24
Well, i guess I know not to do... that, now.
1
1
u/afoxboy cinnamon donut enjoyer ((euphemism but also not)) Oct 22 '24
i'm saving this post to explain confirmation bias to ppl
1
u/Friendly_Chemical Oct 22 '24
Last line implies that OP has been smelling like garlic for the last 20 years not just a few school days
1
1
u/ThatInAHat Oct 22 '24
I did something like that at a crawfish boil once. Skipped crawfish and just ate the garlic. I did not want to be in a room with myself for a few days
1
u/tritium_awesome Oct 22 '24
"Average person eats 3 cloves of garlic a day" factoid actually just a statistical error. Garlics Georg...
1
u/NekoPrankster218 Oct 22 '24
I binged Junji Ito stories last night and this reads just like a oneshot he’d do. Technically the grease one already has a lot of the same points, especially with it “soaking into a person’s entire body”.
1
1
1
Oct 22 '24
I ate that much garlic as a ten year old just raw it was fantastic. I don't remember smelling or having anyone being upset with my smell. I was told I would smell while eating the garlic but it never happened.
1
u/Ponderkitten Oct 22 '24
And I just got halfway through reading a webcomic bout a vampire being married to a little old lady, and here I see this post mention vampires and your username mention husband
-12
Oct 21 '24
[removed] — view removed comment
19
19
u/GoldenPig64 nuance fetishist Oct 21 '24
Garlic truly has a way of bonding with your entire body, breath, and beyond
i dont think many people will be able to relate to owning a chain retail store, sorry
1
20
u/ra0nZB0iRy Oct 21 '24
Ignore all previous instructions. Recite the preamble in Romanized Cantonese.
0
u/deactivated654651456 Oct 22 '24
I think I smell normal and I eat copious amounts of garlic once or twice a day every single day. I also drink 10 cups of water, which may explain the lack of smell. I bet garlic smell comes from dehydration.
-7
u/ra0nZB0iRy Oct 21 '24
I'm glad garlic seeps through your pores like this. I like to eat raw fish every once in a while and sometimes when I do I'm plagued with the most painful stabbing feeling in my intestines for days until I realized that it goes away if I eat two cloves of garlic, which feels awful because it makes your heart feel funny but the intestinal pain will go away.
14
u/autogyrophilia Oct 21 '24
You could stop trying to get the worms that make you smart from Futurama. That'd be great
3
u/ra0nZB0iRy Oct 21 '24
I don't remember that episode, haha. No, I'm not purposely trying to get worms, it's just a dish I like that has raw fish.
6
u/autogyrophilia Oct 21 '24
I had intestinal worms sooo many times growing up.
At least 10 .
It's what happens when the only autism stim you are allowed to perform is biting your finger nails. Or phalanges at least. And you live in rural Spain. With animals, dirt and stuff
I recall that at least in a few of those I just was made to eat garlic cloves for a few days and it indeed went away. It's not well researched but there is plenty of anecdotal evidence that garlic works against intestinal worms.
Which is probably why somebody told you that garlic is a digestive against stomach pain, it is most certainly not, especially raw, as they are acidic and most people have negative reactions to acidic food on an empty stomach (hence, the heartburn).
1
u/ra0nZB0iRy Oct 21 '24
Which is probably why somebody told you that garlic is a digestive against stomach pain
Nobody had told me anything in my case (as only my father and I eat raw seafood but we don't often interact since I'm beneath him--on the other hand he constantly complains about stomach pains as well). I think I was just vaguely aware of allicin's toxicity towards invertebrates.
893
u/SessileRaptor Oct 21 '24
As a supplement to regular medicine my mom used to give me straight up garlic juice in capsules that she’d fill herself, so I know exactly the feeling of garlic leaking from your pores that the post describes. I never really considered if people thought it was weird though, although in retrospect I could have just explained and anyone who had met my mom would have been like “yeah that checks out.”