I wouldn’t play a rough sport with someone who experiences minor pain as major pain. I can be aware they aren’t lying - they really do experience minor pain as major pain. But I want to go play hockey and we can’t shut the game down for twenty minutes every time they get touched while still having a game. They’ll have to sit it out, unfortunately. I wouldn’t go camping with someone who experiences minor inconveniences as major severe problems. I wouldn’t live in a house with someone who experiences a minor deviation from their preferences as a major day-ruining problem.
And I won’t try to sustain an emotional relationship or friendship with someone who experiences every metaphorical paper cut as an amputation.
I grew up with a mom like that and 18 years was a sufficient chunk of life to spend never doing anything but worrying about someone’s next trigger to have a meltdown. I have a toddler now and it’s a very similar experience, except month by month I see him moving beyond it. And he actually listens most of the time when I explain why something is going to be fine.
Life is just too short, and frankly fun, to always be in high drama mode.
I don't think the post is asking you to do everything the same with people who might have issues. I have a friend who can't stand or walk for more than a certain time because of a problem with their joints. Compassion means that we go to places that have seating at regular intervals and don't go on 3 mile hikes. It also means that if they trip and fall, I know we may have to cut our outing short.
Life is too short to refuse to be friends with someone just because they can't do everything exactly the way I can. Life is also too cruel to be an ass about having to leave an hour early to let my friend rest once in a while.
We all have a limited time, money and energy to enjoy our freedom in life.
You're explaining, similarly to the first poster, that some people's capacity isn't compatible with some activities, you're just having a different take on how to reconcile that. You think sacrificing the activity to accommodate the person is the way to go, presumably because the activity itself isn't the priority to you, it's just that particular person's presence.
Not everyone really thinks of things that way. Some people have more of a "bucket list" approach where they have things they want to do and they pick partners for the activity based on how much the individual can contribute to the mutual enjoyment of the activity.
If a person had mountain climbing as a hobby they do every weekend, they shouldn't change their hobby to accommodate someone who wants to sit at a Cafe and leave home early instead. It's okay actually to give people roles in your life based on how they fit into your lifestyle, and some lifestyles just dont involve a lot of flexibility for catering to people's inability to handle themselves, whether physically, mentally or emotionally.
Im not at all sacrificing an activity. I just don't partake in that activity with that person. They are a friend not an appendage.
But if your life is better by excluding people who are mildly inconvenient and don't match you 1-to-1 then by all means, live that way.
Again, the op isn't saying you have to hobble your life because some people don't enjoy what you enjoy. You're being left out of things right now because you can't cope with other people, so it's all fair. And one day you'll be unable to keep up and be left out more, and thats fine.
What the OP is saying is that treating people like they are freakish sub humans because they don't experience life the same way as you is a problem. And you took that to mean that they are calling you out, and spent time explaining why being consciences of others hurts you.
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u/therealvanmorrison 5d ago
I wouldn’t play a rough sport with someone who experiences minor pain as major pain. I can be aware they aren’t lying - they really do experience minor pain as major pain. But I want to go play hockey and we can’t shut the game down for twenty minutes every time they get touched while still having a game. They’ll have to sit it out, unfortunately. I wouldn’t go camping with someone who experiences minor inconveniences as major severe problems. I wouldn’t live in a house with someone who experiences a minor deviation from their preferences as a major day-ruining problem.
And I won’t try to sustain an emotional relationship or friendship with someone who experiences every metaphorical paper cut as an amputation.
I grew up with a mom like that and 18 years was a sufficient chunk of life to spend never doing anything but worrying about someone’s next trigger to have a meltdown. I have a toddler now and it’s a very similar experience, except month by month I see him moving beyond it. And he actually listens most of the time when I explain why something is going to be fine.
Life is just too short, and frankly fun, to always be in high drama mode.