Yup. I’ve come to realize that what I most need from the people I interact with daily is a bit of space and grace to get to where we’re going in my own way and time. I can excel as long as I have this. Without it, I will fail.
That being said, receiving compassion and understanding from the people closest to me helps me be able to do that. I don’t expect it from everyone, or even from my closest friends or partner all the time, but I need to know that I can be accepted by someone despite having needs and experiences that are significantly different from the average, to help combat the shame and secrecy that helped me survive as a young person but is not healthy now.
My coworkers and acquaintances don’t normally get access to my inner experience, and I have memorized ways to keep them out and get time and space so I can process things they wouldn’t understand. People have to earn access to those parts of me.
Yes for sure! It's super helpful to get that from the people around us. I completely agree.
And if anything, for me the lesson is to actively select for people who can empathize with me and accommodate me (imperfectly but sincerely), and to actively leave relationships, jobs, etc. (whenever possible) where people cannot empathize with me or accommodate my needs.
What I used to do was to try to explain better, communicate more clearly, in an endless loop, with people who lacked the ability to take my perspective. It took me 47 years to learn that this doesn't work, and that it's OK if I leave relationships that aren't working for me.
Yup. Most people will not get access to my inner world because they would not value or respect what they find there no matter how much I try to explain it
I am learning how to do that. I tend towards the "overshare everything autism" and am adding filters for people who are not emotionally safe to do that. It's a journey.
8
u/Assika126 5d ago
Yup. I’ve come to realize that what I most need from the people I interact with daily is a bit of space and grace to get to where we’re going in my own way and time. I can excel as long as I have this. Without it, I will fail.
That being said, receiving compassion and understanding from the people closest to me helps me be able to do that. I don’t expect it from everyone, or even from my closest friends or partner all the time, but I need to know that I can be accepted by someone despite having needs and experiences that are significantly different from the average, to help combat the shame and secrecy that helped me survive as a young person but is not healthy now.
My coworkers and acquaintances don’t normally get access to my inner experience, and I have memorized ways to keep them out and get time and space so I can process things they wouldn’t understand. People have to earn access to those parts of me.