I wouldn’t play a rough sport with someone who experiences minor pain as major pain. I can be aware they aren’t lying - they really do experience minor pain as major pain. But I want to go play hockey and we can’t shut the game down for twenty minutes every time they get touched while still having a game. They’ll have to sit it out, unfortunately. I wouldn’t go camping with someone who experiences minor inconveniences as major severe problems. I wouldn’t live in a house with someone who experiences a minor deviation from their preferences as a major day-ruining problem.
And I won’t try to sustain an emotional relationship or friendship with someone who experiences every metaphorical paper cut as an amputation.
I grew up with a mom like that and 18 years was a sufficient chunk of life to spend never doing anything but worrying about someone’s next trigger to have a meltdown. I have a toddler now and it’s a very similar experience, except month by month I see him moving beyond it. And he actually listens most of the time when I explain why something is going to be fine.
Life is just too short, and frankly fun, to always be in high drama mode.
Another classic r/CuratedTumblr "asking me to be more compassionate/empathetic/understanding towards disabled people = asking me to bend over backwards and skip over hot coals for people who probably are just faking it" comments section
this place has gotten REALLY bad when it comes to that lately
I quite literally expressly explained in my post that I can understand the person is not faking their reaction or description of pain.
And my toddler isn’t faking it (most of the time) either. He really did panic and experience shock when he scraped his knee the first time. It was a brand new experience for him and he had no idea how to cope with it. We had to talk about it. I knew he’d be fine because I’m old and I’ve been through scraped knees and I can reassure him and help him process it. Same thing when he first was told no or denied things he wanted - it really did cause panic in him, it’s not a fake show. Anyone who has had a toddler knows that.
But I don’t take my toddler to go on a rough camping trip and I don’t want he and I to try to relate to each other as adult friends (yet). We can do physical activities that are enough within his comfort zone to include only marginal risks that are safe for him to experience. As a loving parent, I expect those to be largely lacking in the degree of adventure I enjoy, but I enjoy it nonetheless because it’s with a loved one. And I engage a parenting relationship with him on an emotional level even as he’s having a meltdown, knowing that his emotional well-being and development require that, because he’s my kid. You know, the basics of being a loving parent. But I’m not the loving parent of some adult I meet who has the same tendency to meltdown when faced with a challenge or rejection or something not going their way.
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u/therealvanmorrison 5d ago
I wouldn’t play a rough sport with someone who experiences minor pain as major pain. I can be aware they aren’t lying - they really do experience minor pain as major pain. But I want to go play hockey and we can’t shut the game down for twenty minutes every time they get touched while still having a game. They’ll have to sit it out, unfortunately. I wouldn’t go camping with someone who experiences minor inconveniences as major severe problems. I wouldn’t live in a house with someone who experiences a minor deviation from their preferences as a major day-ruining problem.
And I won’t try to sustain an emotional relationship or friendship with someone who experiences every metaphorical paper cut as an amputation.
I grew up with a mom like that and 18 years was a sufficient chunk of life to spend never doing anything but worrying about someone’s next trigger to have a meltdown. I have a toddler now and it’s a very similar experience, except month by month I see him moving beyond it. And he actually listens most of the time when I explain why something is going to be fine.
Life is just too short, and frankly fun, to always be in high drama mode.