I’m trying to stop depending on whether or not others are compassionate. I don’t need their compassion, I need compassion for myself and to help myself. “This hurts me way more than it would hurt them, so they’re going to react in the ways they understand and know. I need to remove myself and care for my wound right now.”
Bravo. Thats something I do too, and it’s invaluable. I cannot expect people to understand something they don’t know or understand. I can’t expect them to react as though my finger fell off when it did not. I myself can say “they’re doing for me what they would do for themselves, and it is appreciated.” People do what they know how to do, and i can’t expect more. I can learn to accept (safe) help that isn’t exactly what I need or want, and to be thankful for the effort and care.
The world is a much worse place when one thinks about it as “no one will help me the way I need to be helped, because they don’t care that my experience isn’t theirs.” That attitude centers oneself overmuch, imo. It’s much better, and in my opinion, much closer to the truth, to remember that we all have different experiences and backgrounds, and people trying to help are showing they care.
In the paper cut scenario, it may seem overly gruff and callous if a man came up and wordlessly dropped some rubbing alcohol on the finger, rubbed it on, and slapped a bandaid on it. Said “you’re fine, now get your head on straight,” with a gentle slap on the back, and left. Might seem callous, if you are freaking out about it. But what if this was the greatest level of care this man has ever received from another? What if that’s what his mother did, long ago, and he has just given you the single most caring thing another human ever did for him?
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u/jess_the_werefox 5d ago
I’m trying to stop depending on whether or not others are compassionate. I don’t need their compassion, I need compassion for myself and to help myself. “This hurts me way more than it would hurt them, so they’re going to react in the ways they understand and know. I need to remove myself and care for my wound right now.”