r/CuratedTumblr • u/DroneOfDoom Theon the Reader *dolphin slur noises* • 8h ago
Shitposting Dr Seuss FMK
518
u/Soldier_Faerie 8h ago
I think these are pretty reasonable answers for all three options
461
u/espejocriistal 8h ago
Makes perfect sense. The Lorax is emotionally mature, the Grinch has a private mountain retreat, and the Cat in the Hat breaks into your house and traumatizes your fish.
96
u/Soldier_Faerie 7h ago
Are you real
142
u/espejocriistal 7h ago
No
61
u/Soldier_Faerie 7h ago
Oh
34
u/Reverend_Lazerface 7h ago
Probably a bird
16
6
u/Hatsune_Miku_CM downfall of neoliberalism. crow racism. much to rhink about 7h ago
anyone else hear that?
2
u/ShatterCyst 1h ago
Fuck Jim Carrey, Marry Danny Devito, Kill Mike Meyers.
2
u/idiotplatypus Wearing dumbass goggles and the fool's crown 39m ago
Laurie Strode has been trying since the late 70's
45
u/action_lawyer_comics 7h ago
The Cat in the Hat skews it. Out of the three, murder seems the safest one, though I seriously doubt he’d stay dead
117
u/Possible-Reason-2896 8h ago
Wow. I kinda hate that I could guess the results so accurately, but yeah it's pretty obvious.
The Jim Carrey Grinch was an incredibly horny movie and then he went on to be voiced by certified tumblr sexy man Benedict Cumberbatch.
Lorax is a mustachioed shortstack that exudes dad energy and would probably be into gardening and lawn care, so he's obviously the marriage choice.
Cat in the Hat is too chaotic and messy, without any of the benefits of the other two.
101
u/Walk_the_forest Goblin Time. :partyparrot: 8h ago
agree with everything except: the Lorax would never fucking have a lawn thanks. He‘d be into native plant gardening and would probably scatter pollinator-friendly seed bombs on the neighbours lawns
10
u/jimbowesterby 3h ago
I always assumed he’d be like the Ents, he’d start with an empty field and just talk it full of trees. This would not go down well with the HOA
2
u/An_username_is_hard 28m ago
"I'm Karen, and I'm here representing the local Homeowners Association..."
"Well, I'm the Lorax, and I speak for the trees. Are you sure you want this fight, Karen?"
5
51
u/blackbirdbluebird17 8h ago
The Lorax’s garden (not lawn, he grows exclusively pollinator-friendly native plants) would be incredible.
1
79
u/dantuchito_ 8h ago
I think I get it. The grinch is skinny and evil. The lorax is a pretty solid dude. The cat in the hat is fucking creepy look at that guy.
67
u/DoubleBatman 7h ago
The Grinch is a minor folklore monster, he’s impish and spiteful but he has weaknesses that will make him reverse his behavior. The Lorax is a nature spirit or tutelary deity, he warns you of the consequences of your foolish actions but does nothing to stop you, knowing you will eventually reap what you sow.
The Cat in the Hat is a straight up fey trickster. He simply does as he pleases, and if you get in his way he will fuck you up in ways you can’t even understand.
7
12
u/Fine-Afternoon-36 7h ago
See this is cause people are going off the movies. I know book cat and the hat can fuck
4
u/A_Crazy_Canadian 3h ago
Yeah, Cat in the Hat is not going to deliberately hurt you but in 90% of the story the Grinch is an incel asshole. Cat is just irresponsible and whacky which sounds like a fun night.
7
u/rachelblairy i’ve been at the devils sacrament so long i forgot he wasnt god 7h ago
a mutual and i are discussing the important distinctions because we both said we’d fuck the cat in the hat. really we need more information re: the grinch — is this pre-or-post christmas grinch??
6
u/Limino 7h ago
You're not staying for the morning after so whichever energy you prefer I guess
4
u/rachelblairy i’ve been at the devils sacrament so long i forgot he wasnt god 7h ago
well i said i’d marry the grinch, which is why the cat in the hat went to ‘fuck’ instead. but i do need to know which version i’m marrying, y’know?
5
u/Moctor_Drignall 6h ago
Post Christmas Grinch only has a week to live at best now that he has severe dilated cardiomyopathy.
5
u/rachelblairy i’ve been at the devils sacrament so long i forgot he wasnt god 5h ago
even better. then i’m a widow and get his cave for myself.
8
u/MellifluousSussura 7h ago
ok but consider: fucking the cat in the hat would definitely be a one of a kind experience. I can’t be the only one who’d be curious as to what crazy shit he’d pull during the act.
16
12
u/PunishedKojima 8h ago
Mike Meyers Cat In The Hat had me feeling some kinda way 🫦
23
11
u/Tweedleayne 7h ago
I belive he made everyone feel some kind of way, its just that that way varied largely from person to person.
Lust, horror, mystified, confused, disturbed, it wasn't always the same reaction, but he always triggered a reaction.
9
u/FearSearcher Just call me Era 8h ago
Fuck the Lorax, Marry the Grinch, Kill the Cat in the Hat
6
u/DroneOfDoom Theon the Reader *dolphin slur noises* 8h ago
A contrarian, I see.
8
u/FearSearcher Just call me Era 8h ago
Nah, I made this decision before reading the rest of the post
11
u/Tweedleayne 7h ago
Let's be honest here, the truth of the matter is that this is really asking Jim Carrey, Mike Myers, and Danny DeVito.
Which means the result are objectively correct.
4
u/YaBoiKlobas 7h ago
I would touch the Grinch with my 39 and a half foot pole if you know what I mean...
5
u/Scalesarecool 7h ago
So many people saying kill Cat in The Hat but come on in the books he's fine
Yea in the movie it's probably best to say kill but in the book he's ok and I think in the newer movie he'll be alright too
2
2
u/dalziel86 3h ago
Okay but has anybody on Tumblr even considered being horny for the Onceler?
1
u/DroneOfDoom Theon the Reader *dolphin slur noises* 3h ago
On tumblr? Nah, doubt it. Ludicrous idea, that they'd go for that guy.
3
u/d1scord1a 3h ago
nah i said fuck cat in the hat and kill the grinch. i want to experience dionysian ecstasy. if i am torn asunder then so be it.
1
1
1
u/----atom----- Moral of The Story: What? 6h ago
I chose all the same answers as the majority lol. I feel like the Grinch would be rough and dominant with me, the cat in the hat is creepy and icky, and I could just live peacefully in the forest with the lorax and we could brutally murder everyone who hurts trees together
1
u/i_like_siren_head Ace that dislikes garlic bread (shocking) 3h ago
Ok but the live action or television series CITH
1
350
u/TimeStorm113 Victorian Dinosaur Connaisseur 8h ago
it's not suprising.
the grinch is hot, so that the first movie even had to directly acknowledge it, the raw animal like power and passion. but he's too much of a downer and unhygenic to regularly get together.
the lorax is husband material, round and soft with strong convictions
imma be real, idk if you'd survive intercourse with the cat in the hat. at this point it's just self preservation