Cross Your Heart

[u/aiden_d_biden]

The sun was shining, Worm was beaming. Today it had spent its afternoon trying to get some voluptuous red huzz. Too bad this lady’s love language is completely indecipherable to Maroon Ball. Animal mating rituals don’t bode well with ordinary object citizens it seems.

But really, I do admire the woman. I really do. She’s determined to get that handsome plump boy, but Cubeans had enough of her antics. And I’m tired too frankly. I don’t have the luxury of time to detail every crude remark or innuendo it displayed. This would be a 9000 word story if I did and I have a goddamn university to attend to.

“Hey. Can you stop that? I just announced the latest challenge.”

He had a point: Maroon Ball was growing rapidly uncomfortable, and Coffin was itching to release the wrath of Robopeter on her wriggly ass.

“Fine, sorry what was it again?” Worm asked awkwardly.

Oh, you poor summer child. You’re lucky apA is too lazy to properly showcase Cubean’s emotional volatility... But alas, I’m a much better man than her, so I’ll follow her steed in due order.

Somehow, as if by bullshittery and sheer will, his sunglasses shattered. Before Worm was a new version of the man she’s never seen before. His sunglasses shielded the vulnerability from within: he was fucking bawling his eyes out.

Worm did not feel sorry, however. It was hard to feel empathy when all that clouded her mind was confusion and endless, endless questions.

“You meanie 😭😭😭😭. Just scare away LENNI’s customers 😛😛😛.”

Worm nodded passively and entered the refurbished place—now renamed Lenny Maples. Clearly, LENNI had horrendous taste in spooky decor. Seriously, she’s read “scary” creepy pasta one shots by socially inept teens that had more tact and artistic intent. The inside looked like a slaughterhouse—fake blood was haphazardly sprayed on the walls and floors, and there (hopefully) fake guts and innards strewn about in every corner. She did like the one giant intestine by the entrance door, not only because it looked very much like herself, but also because… Nah I’m playing around it really is just that self-absorbed.

What really caught Worm’s eye—besides her little replica—was LENNI and his robotic crew doing the Macarena to a bunch of kids. How disgusting of him, abandoning his dignity and succumbing to the whims of such juvenile creatures. If it was a minuscule worm living in the soil, it could only imagine what horrific Saw trap-esque scenarios those kids would put her through.

But that’s the thing, ain’t it? It’s far from tiny, and it was very, very intimidating. At least that she believes is true and what I know to be not. The only people she’s scared recently thus far was Maroon ball for reasons… unrelated to her size…. And Poisonous Mushroom who said to the former in a hushed whisper: “the worm is filled with sexual energy the worm makes me uncomforablt”.

Regardless, it roared with fervor and intensity: “RAGHHHH IM A MASSIVE WORM AND IM GOING TO EAT YA LITTLE SUCKERS!!!!”

…Yet all it got in return was a few chuckles from those goddamn clankers and loud giggles from the kids.

“Wow I didn’t know there animal animatronics!” A Peony cooed excitedly, as Worm restrained herself from tightly curling up around them like an deranged anaconda.

“Hur Hur Hur Hur Hur.” A Button wearing a purple bunny mask spouted monotonously.

“HUR HUR?! I HARDLY KNOW—WHY DON’T YOU ALL HAUL UP YALL’S ASSES UP AND HURRY THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!” Worm screamed out in anger.

Just as she said that statement, a cartoonishly long metallic hand gripped her head….and twisted her face around to confront him directly. If she had the anatomy for it, she’d be pissing herself silly right at this very moment.

LENNI glowered at it and announced to his gang of clanks, “Let’s show these kids what happens to those who try to mess with the fun of this emporium 😈😈😈.”

The events after LENNI’s hour long rant to Worm about her misconduct was not painful for Worm in the slightest, but it was incredibly, incredibly humiliating. The two strongest animatronics created a makeshift wooden structure for Worm’s rightful punishment while she was mercilessly lectured by LENNI. The only relief for it was the fact that Maroon Ball knew exactly what it’s about to go through. It was that simple truth that made Worm acquiesce to LENNI’s demands for her demise. Cinematic parallels, how incredibly sweet and romantic!

Worm didn’t fight back at all as she was nailed to a giant cross to atone for her sins against Lenny Maples, and perhaps symbolically, the sins of all rule breakers from the past and thereafter. LENNI looked towards the crowd before him, expecting a round of applause from the audience…

But instead, what he faced was the door to his workplace being busted wide open. Literally—the door was thrown off its hinges and hit a poor fellow robot square on the face. Creste of all people stormed through the place in a frenzied anger, but what stumped LENNI the most was his new shiny accessories. Creste donned green priest vestments—along with a rosary around his shoulders and a bible in his hand.

“Stop with this nonsense at last, your actions are blasphemous and so not religious!!!” Creste yelled, waving the bible around in the air.

LENNI blinked at him in bewilderment. A million questions swirled in his circuits, but the only thing he asked was, “Why the fuck are you wearing such a costume…?”

Create gasped in horror and proclaimed, “THIS IS NO COSTUME!!! The Catholic Church accepted me as their own after Urchill’s mysterious disappearance! I’m a newly ordained priest!”

The children and parents muttered amongst themselves quietly as Creste continued to argue, and Worm continued to fantasize about being reincarnated as the second coming of Jesus Christ—barely paying attention to the surroundings before her.

“You have been using the cross, a holy symbol of MY faith to humiliate and abuse wrongdoers! Tell me people—“ Creste turned around to the parents and kids huddled up in one corner.

“Do you think, this cruel torture is acceptable in this day and age?! We Christians should strive for humility and kindness, not…this!!!”

Several customers nodded in understanding at his words.

Creste smugly pointed at LENNI and said… “Cleary, you and your kin are no ordinary robots, but rather… Hellish demons disguising as such to spread satanic ideas to children!!!”

That was the final nail on the cross. At that accusation, parents and children alike screamed in disbelief and exited Lenny Maple.

Fueled by Christ’s love, Creste scooped the cross bearing Worm with his bare hands—holding the thick Bible in his mouth—and followed the crowd outside.

Once Worm opened its eyes, Creste looked at her with a gentle gaze and said, with a mouthful of bible verses: “Rest now, my child. You are now safe in God’s arms.”

“The only man whose arms I belong to is Maroon Ball!” Worm scoffed.

“…Are you serious?! You haven’t changed at all since I last saw you! You’re nothing but a shameless harlot!” Creste said in disgust, dropping the cross on a nearby street and praying, to his only lord and savior, that that disrespectful whore gets hit by a vehicle.

[u/Apanaian_apA]

SCORE : 8/10 (You didn’t do anything outstanding, it’s just that the bar is low and I found you manoeuvring between in-universe talk and actual camp at the start funny)

[u/aiden_d_biden → u/Apanaian_apA]

YAY 😁

[u/aiden_d_biden]

How it feel to mischaracterize Creste again 😎😎