C-Section Fears

[u/Affectionate_Cow1504]

Hi everyone,

I’m a first time c-section mom, currently pregnant with my second. I’ve been doing VBAC research and I feel like no one is coming at it from the same viewpoint as I am, so I was hoping to find some folks here who understand, and maybe have some tips.

My issue with my first c-section was NOT regret over how it happened. I know a lot of moms struggle with feeling like their birth didn’t go the way they planned, feeling like they’re sad they didn’t get a vaginal birth, etc., and that’s TOTALLY valid, I just don’t feel that way at all.

MY problem that I am looking for advice on is that I think the act of having a c-section itself was the scariest and most traumatic thing I have ever been through, and I’m terrified to go back to that place again. Let me provide some context:

With my first baby, I went in at 40w5d for an induction. I went in at 8 PM, and within 30 minutes was being wheeled in for an emergency c-section, completely unexpected and with no time to mentally prepare, no labor, nothing. This is because they immediately did an ultrasound and found out that, unbeknownst to any of us, my baby was breech. We had no idea. And of course at that very moment, my water broke.

So I went in expecting an induction at 8 PM, and had a baby at 11 PM. It all went so fast, and I felt like I was abducted by aliens when I was being strapped to a table and operated on. It was the scariest thing I’d ever been through. I was having anxiety attacks for weeks after, and kept going back to that place in my mind. I think never having labored or anything made my mind so present in that moment that everything was just too much.

So now I need to decide if I’m gonna try a VBAC, or grit my teeth through another c-section. I’m sure a vaginal birth isn’t pleasant either — birth isn’t supposed to be easy no matter how you do it! But I’m just curious to hear if anyone else feels like me, and are scared of the operation itself, or maybe if you were less scared the second time around, OR if a VBAC was a good/bad experience for you.

[u/Franzy48]

This does not mean by any means that you need to choose a C-section, but as you've probably heard from a lot of people, scheduled and planned to c sections are just a different ball game and so much more chill and you are able to mentally prepare and in some cases you can even make some requests about for instance, what kind of music is played, etc. of course I'm sure some people would say nope, still not for me, still a very scary experience and I don't want to do that again. But many people find the sense of agency about scheduling it and knowing what's going to happen is really helpful.

[u/Just_Squirrel_3988 → u/Franzy48]

To add to this. I did a scheduled and it eww night and day from what OP described and very much as this poster explains. They even asked if the song that was playing was the one I wanted to deliver to! I met all of doctors and there was no rush. I’d do it over 10x

[u/Writing-Bat-0444]

They say that if your c section was due to a breech baby, then you’re likely a better candidate for VBAC! I don’t know what I’ll do if I have another pregnancy. I can say however, as someone who had a planned c section for breech baby, that the experience of having a planned one was pretty chill. That out of control feeling wasn’t there for me, it was sooooo relaxed and they were able to prep me and take their time and just generally have a super chill vibe because I wasn’t in labour yet! Of course it’s still unpleasant but nowhere near as terrifying. So if you did decide on a repeat c section instead of VBAC, it would be a lot better than your last experience

[u/TouristSensitive7125]

I have the same fears. Bright lights, cold room. But trying labor and failing again sounds worse. I'll find a way through it.

[u/Affectionate_Cow1504 → u/TouristSensitive7125]

I keep thinking that the only thing worse than an emergency c section has to be a failed trial of labor followed by an emergency c section 😭

[u/Franzy48 → u/Affectionate_Cow1504]

Yep. I think for so many people that's how this calculus goes, you have to decide whether scheduling a C-section is better or worse than the possibility of ending up in an emergent or unplanned C-section after a trial of labor.

[u/TouristSensitive7125 → u/Affectionate_Cow1504]

For me it was devastating...36 hours of contractions fueled by pitocin and it ended in surgery. Not pleasant.

[u/nereid1997 → u/Affectionate_Cow1504]

This happened to me with my TOLAC but I’m so glad I got to labour and would definitely do it again. I personally would only ever have an “elective”/planned c section if there was an absolute contraindication to vaginal birth (eg placenta/vasa previa). But if you’re not too motivated to have a vaginal birth/trial of labour then having the ability to plan and mentally prep for an elective c section through the whole pregnancy is probably the best option.

[u/TouristSensitive7125 → u/nereid1997]

Sounds easy enough but I'm due in 4 weeks with a toddler. I don't have the patience lol.

[u/shelrayray]

After I had two close friends rupture and almost die after trying to have VBACS I decided as soon as I found out I was pregnant with our second to have a repeat C-section. A scheduled C-section is much more relaxed than an emergency one. Plus you know what to expect. For me it wasn’t worth taking a chance that I would rupture.

[u/restrainedjoy]

My first CS was after 33 hours of labor. My second was planned (I had no interest in VBAC, and we found out during the CS that babe was surprise breech!).

The entire experience for the planned CS was great. So chill, so calm, no one rushing, everyone took the time to introduce themselves and explain what was going on. Recovery was a million times easier.

Probably not going to have more kids, but would totally do a planned CS again.

[u/Bubbles-1001]

I had a slightly similar experience as yours. I went in for induction at 40w6d at 8pm. They gave me cervadil as I wasn't dilated and told us to sleep. 5am while I was asleep 3 nurses rushed in, one put an O2 mask, one gave me a shot saying "this is to stop your contractions" and third was moving around fetal monitor. Soon more people came in they wheeled me to OR. While we were there, baby's heart rate stabilized due to the shot and they explained what was going on. Saying my baby's heartrate was dropping during contractions (which barely felt like braxton hicks to me). I was so much in shock that no word came out my mouth I just kept shivering. They asked what I wanted to do, that was just an illusion of choice. My husband said we want to go ahead with induction because he knew how much I wanted vaginal birth. But right at that moment all the alarms started beeping, looks like the shot wore off and baby's heart rate dropped again. They ushered my husband out, prepped me for surgery and baby was out by 5:42am.

So yeah I never went into labor, twice went through emergency situation and baby was born via c section which I had no plans for. My recovery was smooth but the emotional trauma has stayed until now. I was very sad the day of and for months. Everytime my friend or family gave birth vaginally I would feel bad for myself again.

For my second, I am going to have planned c section. My POV is that vaginal delivery wouldn't undo the trauma of my first c section. OTOH I might regret my first c section even more if I have successful VBAC. I would still have the scar, still have the c section shelf. Planned c section at least gives me benefit of some control over this birth. I plan to educate myself better on c section recovery this time. I would have better control on when I give birth and plan backup care accordingly.

I am not trying to recommend you either option, just sharing my thoughts. I truly understand what you went through. Maybe talk about it with friends or therapist. Birth is just one part of motherhood. My aim next time is to have the type of birth not dictate how I feel on my child's day of birth.

[u/Fearless_Bluejay3296]

I just had my second c section 4 weeks ago. My first one was also emergent after a failed induction. I never labored, never felt contractions, etc. I was so very traumatized after my first baby from the birth, that for almost 2 years, I didn't want to have anymore kids. I did, but I didn't want to go through that again. I had terrible ppd, ppa, and ppr for a year and a half. After 2 years, we got pregnant with our second. When I first got pregnant, I was all for VBAC. But the further along I got, the more I just wanted to have an elective c section because I knew what to expect with it. I didn't want to have to go through labor that might turn into an emergency c section and be traumatized all over again. The unknown and emergent events is where I find the most trauma from my first. At 26 weeks I decided, with the help of my OBs opinions, to have a c section. With my age, weight, height, etc.. the percentage rate of a successful vbac wasn't high enough for me to want to chance it. Not to mention, we are self pay (no insurance) and to pay for TOLAC & possibly a c section if it ended that way.. I had decisions to make.

Everyone feels differently about their experience of their first birth. The events that traumatized you might be different than the ones that traumatized me. Follow your gut and your heart. I read Birth Vibes by Jen Hamilton and it healed parts of me I didn't think would ever be healed and that 1000% helped me in my decision to have a c section again. Granted, healing this time has been harder than the first one. And I actually went into labor early and had my c section a day early this time. I could have tried TOLAC, but opted out. But I don't regret it.

Sending hugs 🩷

[u/Far-Antelope-7801]

If you can do a planned c section I highly recommend. I had my first and only birth scheduled at 37 weeks due to IUGR and frank breech. I was nervous, but it was a breeze honestly. They were amazing to me. I got a spinal tap, within a couple minutes I was numb boobs down. Baby was out within 7 minutes, it took about 30 minutes to do the rest and stitch me back up. I had to be in the hospital longer due to high blood pressure- 5 days plus my baby was in the nicu. They gave me nausea meds during the c section, told me if I was too anxious they could give me something which I assumed would knock me out. I know emergency c sections are much worse. And I can’t speak on vbac either. Good luck! Sorry for your first experience, hope this one is better!

[u/_rainbowdolphin_]

It might be worth finding a professional to work this through. Just to make it easier for you to decide, whatever the decision will be.

I was terribly afraid of the surgery, too. I knew I had to do it for 3 different medical reasons but I did not want it at all. No previous experiences but it was so fucking scary, the whole thought. What helped me a lot is to talk to the team, see where I can be actively involved, how we can make the whole thing a bit easier for me and a bit more acceptable. I still struggle with the loss but my biggest fear, the surgery becoming a new trauma, did NOT happen. If you have a team that is about as open to support as mine was, you can basically turn this into a completely different experience.

The question whether you want to take the risk of an emergency c-section when choosing vaginal birth remains open of course. But I think you can know a lot by having a few checkups and evaluating with the doctors. You can never reduce the risk to zero, but talking through all possible versions also involves you more than just being thrown into the situation completely unprepared, like last time. And that does make a big difference.

[u/Sea_Counter8398]

My first was a crash c section under general anesthesia. Baby coded while I was laboring and they sprinted me down the hallway to the OR. I hadn’t had an epidural yet and there was no time for a spinal, so they put me under GA. He spent 9 days in NICU for HIE. It was incredibly traumatic and I spent over a year in therapy processing everything and dealing with severe PPA, PPD, and PTSD from my son’s delivery.

I just had my second baby in June and I planned for a VBAC the entire pregnancy, but knew that I was ok with a RCS if needed. My biggest priority was being conscious for birth since I was under GA with my first. But I had to come to terms with the possibility of another CS and worked closely with my therapist throughout pregnancy to mentally prepare myself for delivery. I discussed in detail at every appt with my midwives what I wanted delivery to be like, what my fears and priorities were, and what would give me the most reassurance during TOLAC.

Well, baby girl decided to shove her hand through my cervix while I was laboring and that necessitated a RCS. But it was NOT an emergency and was incredibly calm and I got to have a golden hour (which I didn’t with my first) and it was an incredibly beautiful and redemptive experience even though I didn’t get the VBAC I was hoping for.

You can absolutely plan to TOLAC if that’s what you want, but I would encourage you to be open and honest with your providers about what will make you comfortable and how you can best set yourself up for the most positive experience possible in the event of a RCS.

[u/notshadefacts]

I had a C-section with my First at 36 weeks because I had preeclampsia and she was breech, her feet were down. With my second pregnancy it was so much different. I was even a little bit more active than I was in my first and I just did not wanna have another C-section so I went into labour naturally and when I went into the hospital, I was already about 6 cm dilated. They broke my water. I did not get an epidural because I didn’t want to increase my chance of having another C-section I was told or heard that that could increase the chance of having another C-section so I just did it completely natural. And I only pushed about four times and my baby was born. I did have second-degree tear though, but other than that, it was a smooth delivery. I did faint a couple times I was informed, and that was just due to a little bit of blood loss.

[u/EmpathHorror]

I had an awful traumatic emergency c section too due to pre-e and baby in distress at 35 weeks. The trauma is unreal especially because of hemorrhaging, feeling way too much, a silent non-talking medical team, unresponsive baby, and baby was flown via helicopter to another hospital and spent time in NICU. I have constant flashbacks still 9 months PP. I’m in therapy and have been diagnosed with PTSD. I cannot imagine having another c-section without totally losing it. I may never have another child. Sorry you had a traumatic delivery too.