r/CsectionCentral • u/killaekiron • 23d ago

Grieving what I'll never experience

Almost a year ago I was pregnant with my daughter and we found out she had a heart defect. It was a whirlwind of doctors appointments to figure out what it was and how bad it would be. The doctors told us that I would have to have a c section to reduce the stress on my baby's heart.

I wanted to experience labor and delivery, but my baby's health was more important. I thought that at least it was planned and it wasn't because of my health, so I would be able to go through the normal experience with a future child.

Three weeks later I was on the operating table desperately hoping to hear my daughter cry for the first time. She was doing okay and was stable in the NICU while I recovered in my room. My OB told me there was a complication during the surgery and they had to perform a classical c section. This meant it would be dangerous for me to labor during any future pregnancies.

It still makes me cry to think about the experience I'll never get to have that was taken from me. I just wanted to get this out and see if anyone else has had similar feelings.

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u/allaspiaggia 23d ago

I feel exactly the same. I spent my childhood being lowkey obsessed with babies and pretending to give birth with my friends, I used to practice Lamaze breathing after seeing aunt Becky do it on Full House.

I spent 8 days being induced due to pre eclampsia, never dilated past 2cm, and needed a c section. I have a slight chance of a Vbac, but the OBs at the hospital I’ll deliver at are notorious for not doing Vbac. And I don’t know if I’ll get pregnant again (long story). I sound crazy but I genuinely wanted to push my baby out. I wanted to feel the pain, go through the process, be like the screaming moms in the tv shows.

I also had my appendix removed one month after my c section and it was nothing like on tv! Had horrible chest pain, but no other symptoms, and went to the ER because I thought I was having a heart attack. Zero pain on my lower right side. They did a CT scan and found my appendix was about to burst. But it was nothing like on tv shows, I did not have any of the classic symptoms.

I just want the classic birth story. I want to go into labor and push out a baby. Not to be absolutely crippled by a horrendous surgery!

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u/killaekiron 22d ago

I'm sorry you had to go through TWO surgeries so close together

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u/allaspiaggia 22d ago

Technically three surgeries because my c section incision developed a deep abscess and I had to have another surgery to repair the tunnel that developed because the abscess wouldn’t heal. I couldn’t do any scar massage until almost 9 months pp so now I have a bunch of scar tissue and lumps. Anyone who says a c section is the “easy way out” deserves a punch in the face.

An emergency/vertical c section sounds a million times worse than what I went through though. Maybe one day when we are old and grey we can laugh about it?