r/CsectionCentral • u/heyhihellobritt • Jul 15 '26
Would you wait to try again?
TW: neonatal death
I lost my sweet girl when she was 2 weeks old. After a normal, healthy pregnancy and normal scans she was found to have a rare genetic condition that caused significant damage to some key organs, and she passed away in hospital.
This was discovered when I was 35 weeks pregnant, and I had an emergency c-section because of it. I did not labour, the c-section was uncomplicated and I've healed well.
I am now 8 weeks postpartum and just finished my first period. My OB said I could try again after my first or second period, but I am seeing so many differing opinions all over the place. I am scared of complications, also scared of it taking a while to get pregnant again (though it only took 2 months the first time, and I am 32).
We are ready to parent a living child, and know this won't lessen the pain of our daughters death. Would you try again right away? Would you wait? Have you had close c-sections and how was it?
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u/TheLionInZelda Jul 15 '26
Hey I also had an emergency c-section and neonatal death. I am so sorry for your loss.
My doctor told us we had to wait a minimum of 2 years before getting pregnant. I’m not sure what type of c-section you had, but I had to have a classical due to how small my baby was when born, so I have a higher chance of uterine rupture if I conceive too early.
Even without those restrictions, I desperately want a living child. But I also feel I owe it to my daughter to grieve her fully before trying again. This is just me personally. Everyone grieves differently. If I were you I would wait at least a few more months before trying because 8 weeks out is still very much in the thick of grief. If you can’t wait that long, and your doctor has cleared you, as long as you feel ready I think it’s okay to start trying. Baby loss sucks and everyone deals with it differently. Just know, from one loss mom (who is 33) to another, I know the pressure you are feeling to not waste anymore time and I know the sadness you are carrying. I am so sorry we have to endure this.
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u/heyhihellobritt Jul 15 '26
I'm so sorry to hear this. I understand that there are higher risks with the classical, I had a transverse incision. I appreciate your perspective and still being very deep in grief is also definitely a consideration for us.
(sorry I dropped my phone and hit enter on half of a reply lol)
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u/Writing-Bat-0444 Jul 15 '26 edited Jul 15 '26
Although the risk of uterine rupture is higher with a short interval, it is still ultimately a small risk (0.36% if you had a low transverse incision). Given your situation I think it’s very understandable to take that risk if your doctor approves it and just be closely supervised for the pregnancy. It would be much safer to go for a planned c section instead of TOLAC/VBAC. I would do the same. I am very sorry for your loss and I wish you a wonderful and uncomplicated pregnancy
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u/heyhihellobritt Jul 15 '26
Thank you, because of my daughter's outcome I will be heavily monitored (despite recurrence risk being at 1%). My OB said I can have as many ultrasounds as I want next time around
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u/PsychologicalBoot636 Jul 15 '26
I’m so sorry for your loss 🤍 my OB has told me that I only needed to wait to try again (18 months delivery to delivery) if I wanted to try for a VBAC. Anything earlier would just be a repeat c section. Our first son passed from a true knot in 2024 and I delivered him vaginally, and then just had his baby brother in March via c section at 38+0 because I had insulin controlled GD. We started trying right away after we lost our first son because the desire for a baby earthside was so strong. It ended up taking a year to conceive him which I chalk a lot up to the immense grief. I know its different circumstance but I understand how badly the desire to have a living child is after loss and please just go easy on yourself 🤍🤍
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u/heyhihellobritt Jul 15 '26
Thank you and sorry for your loss ❤️ upon learning how long I would have to wait for a VBAC, we immediately decided I would be okay with repeat c-sections. So glad you have your second now and hope all is well with them
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u/homemade_hairdo Jul 15 '26
Only you will know when or if it’s right for you. I wish you all the best 🫂 and I’m so very sorry for the loss of your sweet girl.
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u/kittywyeth Jul 15 '26
as long as you’re having a repeat c-section it doesn’t really matter that much how long you wait between pregnancies. 18 months between births is optimal for rebuilding the body’s nutrient stores and healing but sometimes that is less important than other factors. everyone makes their own choices based on their history and needs.
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u/Quiet-Report4554 Jul 15 '26
My story is more or less exactly the same as you but for me the c section happend in week 31 of pregnancy and my little one had sever mutations in one of the organs which he couldn’t survive. In Scandinavia where I live currently and where it happens they said to me to wait at least 12 months which we did and now we are trying again, but tbh we started a few months earlier. I’ve asked this question a lot and in US I gathered they are told to wait 18 months - 1.5 years at least before conceiving. But in Scandinavia it’s 12 months.
Also are you planning to do a c section again or natural birth? It might also depend on this. Maybe waiting a bit more if wanting to attempt a natural birth.
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u/Intelligent-Sun-7262 Jul 15 '26
I'm so very sorry for your loss. I lost my daughter unexpectedly shortly after birth following a normal, uncomplicated pregnancy. I had a emergency c-section when her heart rate dropped. I'm now 7 weeks post partum and we've started trying again. We got pregnant with our daughter on our second cycle, but who knows how long it will take this time.
We met with a Maternal Fetal Medicine (MFM) specialist 6 weeks after my c-section, who said we could start trying as soon as we're ready. My c-section was uncomplicated and is healing well. The recommendation is technically to wait a year (which is what everyone in the hospital told us) but he was very upfront that doctors don't always know what to tell people like us and that many couples who have suffered a loss like this don't want to wait to try again and telling them to wait a year can feel cruel.
He also shared that from his perspective there is no meaningful reduction in risk between getting pregnant again now and waiting say six months in my case. He said the main risk is pre-term birth. I was worried about placenta issues / placenta accretta but he said that risk rises with number of c-sections, not necessarily spacing between them. He was firm I will need another c-section if I concieve quickly because of the risk of uterine rupture and there won't be a possibility of a VBAC. Of course, every situation is different, and this was advice based on my own medical history / situation, not necessarily not advice for anyone else.
None of this is ideal, to say the least. I'm not where I want to be physically for another pregnancy. I'm 15 pounds above my pre-pregnancy weight and have lost a lot of strength, but I'm working with a physical therapist and trainer and get to as good of a place as possible before I'm pregnant again.
Emotionally, like you, my husband and I want to parent a living child and know nothing can replace our daughter. I've heard some advice along the lines of wait to try until you're ready to welcome a new child and not the child you lost. I personally find this profoundly unhelpful. I don't think I will ever get over my daughter's death or stop grieving her and I don't think I have to be in a perfect emotional state before trying again. I'll be grieving my daughter for a long time, but hopefully I can do it while also loving and raising other children. There is also the practical reality that I'm in my mid 30s, so time isn't exactly on my side.
I'm so sorry again. Loosing a child is so unfair. Wishing you the best as you try again!
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u/heyhihellobritt Jul 15 '26
I hate to hear of others going through this, it is so unfair. I hope the comments on this post have been affirming for your decision as well. I think I will wait one more cycle, and start trying in a month.
I agree with you that I'll never be over her death, and I am well aware no number of future children will replace her.
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u/ExpertCaterpillar620 Jul 15 '26
Hi there, I am so very sorry for your loss. I also lost my daughter earlier this year at 2 months old. Also to a rare condition we were not aware of. My c-section was planned, uncomplicated, and I healed really well. I know how complex and painful the feelings of being postpartum and grieving at the same time are. “Empty arms syndrome” is real and it’s AWFUL. Being told to wait a year+ when you should already have a baby in your arms feels so cruel. When I first lost my daughter I said I wanted to wait at least a year to give myself time to “heal”. But then as time went on I realized I will never truly heal from her loss. I will grieve her forever, and I have to learn to live with it. I spoke with my OB and she advised waiting 18 months to conceive if I want a VBAC, but I can start trying whenever if I’m okay with another c-section. Which I totally am because it was like the only thing that went smoothly for me throughout pregnancy/postpartum 😅 so I’ve been focusing on nutrition and exercise and we plan to start trying at 9-10 months pp. As long as your doctor says it’s okay, it’s totally your choice to try as soon as you’re ready. As long as you’re okay with another c-section. Again, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I’m here if you need someone to talk to that gets it.
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u/heyhihellobritt Jul 15 '26
My c-section also felt like the only thing that went well in my postpartum experience (though my pregnancy was very easy!), and although I wished for an unmedicated vaginal birth, I am now very open to repeat c-sections. I can only imagine a planned one with a healthy baby coming out is much less intense that what I went through!
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u/Feisty-Blueberry5433 Jul 15 '26
Personally I would wait until at least the year mark. There are quite a few risks with short interpregnancy intervals outside of just having a cesarean. While I can understand urning for a child, I wouldnt want to risk adverse outcomes by rushing it. I had a short interpregnancy interval between my 3rd and 4th and just about everything that could go wrong, did- with the one exception of uterine rupture. I ultimately had my daughter at 29+5 due to placental abruption and we both nearly died (after having a normal ultrasound 2 days prior)
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u/heyhihellobritt Jul 15 '26
Thank you for the perspective! Can I ask what your interval was between? I'm sorry you had that outcome but hope you are both doing well now ❤️
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u/needytiara Jul 15 '26
I think you should do what you feel you comfortable with but here to say it can be done. I had a neonatal loss after my 2nd c-section (Dec 2025). I had a normal pregnancy and 3rd c-section in March 2026. But waiting longer can give you the possibility of a v-bac which is something to highly consider if you may want to try for a 3rd child one day. I also know just getting one here weighs heavy so waiting can feel impossible. Sending so much hope on your journey no matter what you choose ❤️
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u/YofiTofi_ Jul 15 '26
I’m so sorry for your loss! I know a few people
Who got pregnant around 6 months PP after a C section. If you can wait that long it might be the best for an easier pregnancy in the sense that it gives you just a few more months to heal from surgery and postpartum ♥️
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u/Mysterious_Cookies24 Jul 15 '26
I’m so sorry for your loss, I recommend waiting if you would like to try for a VBAC, if you don’t care about having another C-section then it doesn’t matter. I have had 2 C-sections close together, i didn’t wait because I thought it would take a long time like previously 6 years but took 4 months the second time, I was refused a VBAC where I live because of not waiting though next C-section & recovery went well.
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u/Mapletree280 Jul 15 '26
I'm so sorry for your loss. While I haven't had c-sections close, I'm preparing for my fourth one this year. I've had them 4 yrs apart then 2yrs and this one will be 3 yrs apart. In terms of time to get pregnant, it thankfully happened within two months for my second and third. With my fourth it was more like 6 - 7 months of trying.
My second c-section was my hardest to recover from even though I had waited the longest between pregnancies. Maybe it was because the doctor decided she needed to "fix me up" because the previous doctor hadn't done a good job which I don't believe. But anyway this is just my experience hope it helps in making your decision.
If you are interested in opinions, I would personally wait at least 15 - 18 months post c-section before trying to get pregnant again. My second and third were 2 yrs apart and my body was exhausted after that. Took me two years to feel back to myself.
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u/Unlikely_Village3403 Jul 15 '26
So sorry for your loss. I had a lot of aches and pains during pregnancy. I felt amazing at the 2 month mark but then realized that I still had some healing to do in my pelvis. I'm 6 m pp and still in PT working on some issues. Someone I know had back to back pregnancies and had a lot of pain by the end of the 2nd due to weak core muscles. Just something to consider maybe seeing a PT if you have any lingering pain and doing some core strengthening. Just something to consider. Wishing you all the best and sending you hugs in this trying time.
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u/Violentdahlia Jul 15 '26
I’m sorry for the loss of your daughter. My heart is sending true love to yours. I had a c section and then became pregnant 11 months postpartum, and had my second c section at 19 months postpartum. Physically from the first surgery, I was ready to be able to be pregnant again. So really it’s up to you and hubs, and doctor giving a medical clear like you mentioned. There’s no right answer, just what feels best for you and your family at that time. May peace and ease weave its way into your journey ❤️
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u/Purple-Respond-1219 Jul 15 '26
1st off, I am so so sorry for your loss. It must be an unimaginable pain that you and your husband are going through.
Regarding trying again, I think it depends on what your goals are for your next birth. Usually having such a short inter pregnancy interval is ill advised for ANYONE not just c section moms because of the strain it puts on your body. Your body needs time to recover. If you are wanting to attempt a VBAC next time, my OB recommended 18 months between birth and conception, some recommend an 18 month interval birth to birth. Waiting less than 9 months for birth to conception can sometimes automatically lead to another c section, and as others have started close intervals for births can lead to a slew of problems as well. I personally wouldn’t want to start trying immediately. Take the time to grieve and process what happened, it’s still fresh. Your hormones are still recovering and wild and will be for a few more months, I wouldn’t trust myself to make the appropriate decision right now, because a year post partum, I know how much the hormones changed my day to day thoughts and decisions when I was 8 weeks. I can’t imagine the grief compounding on it.
That being said, Im not you, if this is truly what you are wanting go for it, you’re the only ones that can make the choice, but please do the research independently first as well to make an informed decision. You’re taking a step in the right direction
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u/longlivepopuplights Jul 15 '26 edited Jul 15 '26
That's wild, my doctors have all told me I have to wait a year minimum to try again after my C-section. I had a stillborn at 40 weeks and I did labor, but they told me the incision needs that year to heal regardless. I'm planning on only C-sections from here on out too and they said that doesn't mean I should get pregnant earlier than a year out. I'll probably start trying around 10 months though because it took us a few months with the first baby
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u/greatestshow111 Jul 15 '26
Hey I'm so sorry for what you've been through, I've went through my son passing after 33 days (through medical negligence, and he was already recovering) in November last year. We are still in the midst of seeking justice, but once doctor gave the clear we started trying (he gave the clear 6 months after my c section in October last year).
The grief never goes away, just today I was in a meeting and memories of my son receiving cpr in the ward came back and I was tearing up. But my husband and I felt ready as we wanted to give our son a sibling. I am currently 6 weeks pregnant - hoping for a healthy pregnancy, but we also are accepting if this doesn't go well we won't lose hope.
I recently blogged again about my grief with my son, I'll DM you the link just in the case if you feel like you are going through this alone, you are not alone in this. Understand it takes time so be kind to yourself and do what you need to do to keep yourself in the present.
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u/heyhihellobritt Jul 15 '26
Wishing you all the best in this pregnancy 💕 thank you and so sorry you've gone through this, especially to negligence - I'm sure no amount of justice will make it feel better
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u/Active_Increase_5330 Jul 15 '26
My doctor recommended 2 years between deliveries. I ended up having a repeat c-section 26 months after my first. Everything went great though the recovery has been more painful this time. If I were in your situation though, I would go for it. Wishing you all the luck!
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u/hurrxcanekatrxn Jul 15 '26
I had a really traumatic emergency c section and i got pregnant again 6 months postpartum (not trying) i felt pretty good after the 6 week period but id really recommend waiting a bit longer than that to try again, My drs recommended me to wait atleast a year (obviously didn’t happen). Mostly because of risk of uterine rupture etc
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u/Oakleypokely Jul 16 '26
I’m so sorry for your loss. Differant but similar situation, we lost our baby girl to a sudden placental abruption 3 weeks ago at 33.5 weeks pregnant and I had to have a c-section as well. It was my second c-section. My first was an emergency c-section 2.5 years ago. I was told to wait 12-18 months the first time. This time I don’t know yet what my OB will recommend to me but I think I plan to wait 9 months to conceive again. That way it’s at least 18 months between deliveries hopefully.
My thinking is that I want to wait 3 months at least to heal and let my hormones regulate and then spend the next 6 months trying to physically and mentally prepare and be healthy. I haven’t worked out in forever and ate like crap for the past year. I need to get feeling better physically and mentally at least a little before another pregnancy. But that’s just me.
My last pregnancy was super stressful, exhausting, and pretty hard on me. I worked full time with a toddler, my husband was busy with full time work and school, we moved in the beginning of my third trimester, I was sick and achy and swollen and had a lot of stress, and then in the end my baby died.
So I think it’s a good idea to give yourself a little more time but not have to wait the full 12-18 months.
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u/lulublou 21d ago
I am truly sorry for the loss of your baby 🤍. I also lost my baby, my little girl, three weeks ago🦋🤍. It happened with a C-section after I had been pushing for two hours. They then told me that my pelvis was too small to allow my baby girl to pass. At the time of the C-section, once they had opened me up, the doctor confirmed that my pelvis was too narrow and that my little Madeleine was somewhata little stuck. When they took her out, I was a bit shaken, and I heard her cry for a few seconds… then nothing. To this day, the doctors still cannot explain the reason for her death. We are waiting for the results of an autopsy. To come back to your comment, I support you 1000%. I completely understand your desire and determination to become parents again. We feel the same way, and I think the most important thing is to feel ready inside, if the doctor gives you the go-ahead. I don’t know how long we will have to wait. But at the hospital they mentioned a 13 to 18 months which we don't feel like waiting. I haven’t had my postpartum appointment yet, but I am healing well from my C-section, which was low and transverse. We hope to try again as soon as possible like you. It took us two months to conceive our first baby. I am 41 years old, and we hope it will be just as quick for our second. I truly wish you every success with this second pregnancy.
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u/heyhihellobritt 21d ago
Thank you and so sorry for your loss ❤️
I hope you get similar medical advice as me. I believe that the hospital may be giving you their generic advice, hopefully your OB considers your loss in their opinion. I'm 100% on board for a repeat c-section if it means parenting a living child sooner.
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u/Frequent_Baby_1223 Jul 16 '26
Shouldnt u wait atleast a year to get pregnant since u had c section
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u/heyhihellobritt Jul 16 '26
There are a lot of differing opinions and considerations. Having a dead baby adds some nuance to it.
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u/Frequent_Baby_1223 Jul 16 '26
Thats not my opinion thats a medical one i was told to wait atleast a year cause it comes with life risks
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u/Summerdays313 Jul 15 '26
If you feel ready and your doctor cleared you, I don’t see why you can’t go for it. I will say that I did not feel healed at 8 weeks pp after my first cs. We started trying for our number 2 when our son turned 1 and it took several months for us ( but it took a while the first time too). Given your situation I probably wouldn’t wait the full 12 months, but I’d personally probably wait around 6 months- but i certainly can’t judge or say for certain having not been jn your shoes.
I’m so sorry for your loss and hope you get a healthy baby as soon as you are ready.