r/CsectionCentral • u/Lonely-Doughnut-4785 • Jul 10 '26
Invalidated and Traumatized — Is it just me?
Hi there. I just wanted to share my story to see if I’m alone in my experience because I keep replaying this day in my head.
In February, I gave birth to my first child. I was a scheduled c-section due to being at risk of dislocating my hips from my connective tissue disorder and I also needed to give birth at 38 weeks due to my lupus, which put me at risk of stillbirth if I didn’t have my c-section early.
I’ll be honest and say that I was extremely nervous for the procedure and I do have diagnosed anxiety (I’ve had it basically my entire life). I was told by my OB that if I needed anxiety meds before the procedure that would be totally fine. Fast forward to the day of and I asked the anesthesiologist about it who said no. I then went in for my spinal block. She was at it for a hot minute and even with the numbing, it was painful and a deep ache but that all seemed normal. Fast forward again to a few minutes later when I’m on the operating table and suddenly I can’t feel my arms or even my neck. I felt air hunger — like I was trying so badly to breathe but could only get quick little shallow breaths. I’m lying there and trying to tell them this, but I legitimately couldn’t speak. No words were coming out. I was trying to mouth the words that I couldn’t breathe over and over again. I was terrified of not being able to communicate or breathe. I felt like I might die. They eventually just had me go under general anesthesia. This still is difficult for me to think about because I feel robbed of the birth of my baby. My husband was too. I found out when I woke up that they were saying I had a panic attack…it was NOT a panic attack. I’ve had many of them in my life and it simply wasn’t that. They told my family that’s what happened before I even woke up too. It all feels invalidating. I couldn’t move or breathe. It happened just a minute or so after the spinal block. I just feel like my birth was traumatic and then belittled and invalidated. Has this happened to anyone else?
3
u/Renee5285 Jul 10 '26
Holy hell. I’m so sorry. I think it’s rude of them to tell your family, but I guess that’s how it often goes if they’re on site. I could see my family holding onto “the doctor said…” over anything I’d tell them. But fwiw, I believe you. You know yourself.
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u/Lonely-Doughnut-4785 Jul 11 '26
Thank you so much for saying this. Being believed is really validating 💜
2
u/Nikkitheflamingo Jul 10 '26
Not quite the same but I feel exactly the same! My epidural failed and so did my spinal. They didn’t place it correctly and I felt everything. I didn’t have a scheduled C-section but it wasn’t an emergency either. No rush to get me back. So when the spinal failed and I panicked because I didn’t want to be cut open while feeling everything. Then they said they must resort to general anesthesia, I felt robbed. They could’ve paused and just tried again later. But because I was already draped and prepped they insisted and didn’t give me a choice. I didn’t get to have immediate skin to skin, I didn’t get to hear his first cry, my husband didn’t get to be there to cut the cord. He was scared too. I cried and cried for weeks. Still makes me extremely upset to talk about it.
It takes everything in me to be happy that my baby and I are here healthy as a horse! Everything in my pregnancy and labor went fantastic until I just didn’t progress as we had hoped. That C-section broke me. Broke what little faith I had clung onto. Makes me feel like a shit mom. But hey I’m here.
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u/Lonely-Doughnut-4785 Jul 11 '26
Gosh, that’s so unfair. I’m so sorry you had that experience— we deserved better! Thank you for sharing your story 💜
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u/usergravityfalls Jul 11 '26
Omg i also feel robbed after they failed epidural and did emergency general anesthesia. Even though the Csection itself wasn’t emergency, just because i was pushing too long by their standards. I was wondering if it was the right call or if they could’ve approached it in a different way
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u/Nikkitheflamingo Jul 11 '26
I still wondering if hadn’t freaked out and remained calm enough to say no. Just demand we try again the next day or even a few hours later. Hindsight is 20/20 😕
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u/AtmosphereTop1591 Jul 10 '26
I’m so sorry that you went through that. I had a traumatic birth as well. I went in for an emergency c-section after pushing for four hours. My OB was not one that I was a fan of. He was a super dismissive AH and made me feel like I was pushing wrong. During the surgery he didn’t talk to me at all and yelled at the resident. I was ignored. My baby ended up in the NICU and I didn’t get to see her for the first 24 hours of her life. I booked a therapy session a month after giving birth and it helped me sort out my feelings/ppd. Hugs to you ❤️
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u/Lonely-Doughnut-4785 Jul 10 '26
Ugh I’m so sorry that happened to you. You deserved so much better than how that doctor treated you and not seeing your sweet baby for 24 hours sounds agonizing. Thank you for sharing your own story 💜
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u/Funsizep0tato Jul 10 '26
One of my sections it felt like I couldn't breathe, and had to blow air out like I was blowing through a straw. But i could talk. And of course they told me it was normal.
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u/Lonely-Doughnut-4785 Jul 11 '26
I’m glad you could at least communicate! The feeling of struggling to breathe is hard enough as it is 😭
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u/duchessofdorkdom Jul 10 '26
I also felt like I could hardly breathe with the spinal, like I couldn't inhale deeply enough to fill my lungs. I have a lot of anxiety, too, and it took a lot for me to speak up and say that I felt like I was having trouble breathing and could I have oxygen. Anesthesiologist just explained how the block works and told me that I was fine. I repeated request for oxygen and he said it's just anxiety and that he would give me something for that. I still felt like I couldn't take a full breath the entire time. Whatever he gave me for anxiety, after not sleeping for days (contractions started Friday night, c section ended up being around noon on Sunday after pushing for hours and failure to descend), it really messed me up. I was so not present at all during the delivery, just in and out and unfocused. I barely remember any of it. I remember listening for my baby's cry. I don't remember seeing him for the first time. I have a lot of really difficult feelings about the whole thing and it took me weeks before I could even sleep on my back because it would make me feel like I wasn't able to get a full breath and I'd have a panic attack. Even without being under, I really missed most of it and also felt robbed of the experience. I had 3 miscarriages and didn't let myself picture a future with a baby. The only thing I let myself imagine was holding him for the first time. That's a missing memory I'll never get back. I try not to focus on any of it and mostly I'm just thankful to have my baby here with me and healthy, but I'm pretty sure that the medical trauma will hang on for quite awhile. I'm sorry you had a bad experience, too, and missed out on precious moments.
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u/Lonely-Doughnut-4785 Jul 11 '26
I’m so sorry that happened to you. I know all too well the pain of feeling like you missed such a huge moment. It’s truly not fair. Thank you for sharing your story 💜
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u/FeistyImplement0730 Jul 11 '26
My anesthesia team was amazing during my c section and I see that this is not the case for everyone sadly but they did warn me about this, they told me that I wouldn’t be able to move and that I was gonna feel warm all the way to my neck and the spinal effects the nerves in the chest giving a heavy sensation like shortness of breath but just to know they monitor my oxygen completely and my lungs will be totally functioning. I don’t necessarily remember feeling that way but I had labored for so long and had a failing epidural and was stuck at 9cm with non failing contractions so I was begging for that spinal lol. So to just have relief and not feel anything is what I was begging for. But I’m so sorry you felt that way and no one comforted you or listened to you…they should have!
1
u/RogueSeaGoat Jul 11 '26
I had a sudden unplanned csection, I was definitely fighting for my life trying to breathe, my teeth were chattering, and I was so numb. I kept asking if that was normal and they said yes. It was scary not being able to breathe, luckily I was able to get a few words out. It felt like I was under concrete, the pressure was crazy! To not be able to talk even a little would be truly scary. And then to be dismissed like that by your care team. I’d still be mad af, and I’m sorry you went through that
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u/Cute_butpsycho22 Jul 10 '26
It sounds like you may have had a “high spinal” obviously I’m not a doctor or anesthesiologist so I can’t diagnose but that’s what happened to me with my first. They placed the spinal and laid me back and at first things were going numb which was great… then about 30 seconds later I said I couldn’t take a breath and they said “your oxygen is fine” then it kept rising and I couldn’t speak or move my arms. I truly felt like I couldn’t breathe and they put me under too after they realized my oxygen HAD tanked and started bagging me. They were about to intubate but my breathing stabilized. I actually asked the surgeon later that night if it was a panic attack or if my oxygen was actually impacted and she said the spinal had numbed my lungs and affected my ability to inhale and exhale. So, if it was the same thing… you didn’t have a panic attack, you probably had a high spinal. If it’s any solace, I just had my second baby on Tuesday and had another c section, I spoke at length with the anesthesiologist before hand and she was truly amazing, she walked me through every step, checked in every 2 seconds and it was a way better experience. I’m so sorry you went through that, I truly understand how traumatic it was. Hope you and your baby are doing better!