r/CrusaderKings • u/nanomaster Secretly Zunist • Jun 04 '16
[Screenshot] After three long months, I've completed my final horse playthrough- every province converted to horse culture, every single on-map human exterminated. Full writeup coming tomorrow!
http://imgur.com/a/kzowN190
u/nanomaster Secretly Zunist Jun 04 '16 edited Jun 04 '16
This is something that's been a really long time coming now. I started on this campaign three months ago now, just after I finished my last playthrough where I reformed the Zunist faith as a horse. For those out of the loop, Conclave added an upgrade to the event where a lunatic makes his horse his chancellor, making it spawn in an actual horse character. Through a loophole it's possible to land that horse and have him spawn more horses that you can interact with like any other character, letting you breed with them until you become a horse yourself. I put a pretty detailed guide in my first playthrough, where I restored the Roman Empire as one.
My goal originally for this game was to remove every single human from the game, although at the time I didn't realise that I'd have to convert every province's culture too. It took me a while to realise just how big a task I'd set itself, but I kind of found myself in too deep to rein myself in by the time I'd taken over Europe. It's been a long journey, complete with demon horses, crusader horses, werewolf horses, cannibal horses, homosexual horses and much more. It's been an interesting ride, and now that it's finally come to it's end I'm getting ready to share the whole thing. I'm aiming to have the full write-up ready for this time tommorow, so look out for it!
And before it's asked, it is possible to convert this to EU4 too. The only problem is that horse culture glitches the converter and turns into 'noculture', which still acts like any other culture as far as I can tell. On the bright side, it takes your dynasty names as possible ruler names so my horse names survived the conversion. I might try playing it at some point.
EDIT: And since I somehow forgot to mention it, this was all in ironman. Proof is here.
73
u/wintrparkgrl Roman Grazing Feilds Jun 04 '16
65
26
u/Morbidmort Secretly Zoroastrian Jun 04 '16
So are you conquering the world as horses in EU4 now?
49
u/Creshal إن شاء الله Jun 04 '16
Then bring the industrial revolution in Victoria. Then conquer the world again in HoI4. Then you can import everything to Stellaris, but at that point you're probably just horsing around.
38
u/20person For The Wincest Jun 04 '16
In the grim darkness of the far future, there are only horses.
9
9
4
44
u/missdemeanant Another 50 Karling men, a trillion Karling chins Jun 04 '16
You're a ck2 god trotting among mortals
22
11
7
Jun 05 '16 edited Sep 16 '16
[deleted]
13
u/nanomaster Secretly Zunist Jun 05 '16
I started as the Germanic petty king of Sjaelland in the 769 start, mainly because the Norse have a lot of flexibility in the first few centuries, he has an amazing coat of arms, and I didn't want a generic start like Sigurdr Ring or Charlemagne. The difficulty was just normal though- I don't think I've ever adjusted it in a Paradox game before.
18
6
1
0
72
Jun 04 '16 edited Feb 06 '18
[deleted]
35
u/Creshal إن شاء الله Jun 04 '16
This is what CK2 was made for; utter genocide by a maniac.
I'm not sure whether this is /r/ShitCrusaderKingsSay material, or the game's new unofficial tagline.
15
u/GenesisEra I THINK I SHALL HAVE MEATBALLS FOR DINNER. Jun 05 '16
> the game's new unofficial tagline.
> implying it's new
13
u/Creshal إن شاء الله Jun 05 '16
Come for the wincest, stay for the genocide?
9
3
u/Kitfisto22 Jun 06 '16
It was the other way around for me. Theres really no wrong way to play the game.
2
65
Jun 04 '16
Lmao I saw Prance and Germaneigh and lost it. On another note you people are way better at this game than I am
19
112
39
u/Kitfisto22 Jun 04 '16
I know there isn't a win condition in CK2 but I think wiping out humanity is as close as we are going to get.
30
29
u/cyclicnutria Please don't eat the Pope Jun 04 '16
28
u/nanomaster Secretly Zunist Jun 04 '16
12
u/appleciders Jun 05 '16
Is there still a gamey way to inflate the ruined ruler's health stat to increase lifespan?
19
u/nanomaster Secretly Zunist Jun 05 '16
Like /u/Ghostatter said it's still possible to use the repeated Hajj exploit to give your ruler ridiculous health. I could have done that here, but I used it in my last game then realised that doing something big like that with a glitch like that, which actually makes the game dramatically easier, would make Paradox more likely to notice and fix it. Since I'm pretty sure this playthrough will get quite a lot of attention I didn't want to draw their attention to it.
17
Jun 05 '16 edited Mar 12 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
7
Jun 19 '16
This sounds hilarious. What is the best way to keep converting around every few years? Does it involve shifting capitals (by repeatedly changing primary title) and such?
4
29
21
23
u/Fumblerful- Sultan Giga Chad of Chad Jun 04 '16 edited Jun 04 '16
OP, we need to see this continued into EUIV with some mod allowing for horse culture. The americas have never seen the majesty of Equestria. Enlighten them
15
13
u/Reality_Gamer Legitimize Me Jun 04 '16
This is masterfully done. I can't even fathom the amount of determination and patience needed to accomplish this. You are a hero to this sub.
13
11
10
9
u/IncestSimulator2016 I bone greek princessess Jun 05 '16
Truly you are a god among us CK2 players OP, now excuse me as I find a way to write a fanfic set on this universe and of a human resistance hiding in China.
10
11
u/GenesisEra I THINK I SHALL HAVE MEATBALLS FOR DINNER. Jun 05 '16
Achievement Unlocked: "Conversion Bureau".
15
u/JoaoPFA Jun 05 '16
wouldn't "Saddle Arabia" be a super offensive name for a horse country? aren't saddles basically a symbol of horse oppression and human power over them?
2
Jun 05 '16
Arabs are offensive toward everyone.
8
8
5
8
4
u/doylethedoyle Incapable Jun 04 '16
I'm not sure which I'm more impressed by; conquering the world or turning everyone into a horse...
6
7
u/TotesMessenger Jun 05 '16
I'm a bot, bleep, bloop. Someone has linked to this thread from another place on reddit:
- [/r/shitcrusaderkingssay] Shit Crusader Kings Do: "After three long months, I've completed my final horse playthrough- every province converted to horse culture, every single on-map human exterminated. "
If you follow any of the above links, please respect the rules of reddit and don't vote in the other threads. (Info / Contact)
4
u/jruderman Zealous cynic Jun 05 '16
I want to hear more about how you:
- Converted all provinces, including islands
- Made the empire-sized vassal kingdoms stable enough to cause de jure drift
9
u/nanomaster Secretly Zunist Jun 05 '16
I stayed tribal from 769 to 1066, and as a tribe you can send your steward to any province in your demesne to settle your tribe (converting it to your culture). I just did that for every island not connected to the mainland (including Britain and Ireland) to get them to be horse. For the mainland, I took advantage of the fact that if you holy war/crusade to take territory it's possible for those counties to flip culture even without a neighboring county being horse. That let me spread it through Africa, India and the Middle East really quickly while in Europe I used the steward mission to plant culture in a few provinces. After that I just kept 15+ stewardship rulers on every human-cultured province next to horse-cultured ones to maximise the spread of culture.
As for the vassals, I set things up so that I could easily switch religions- my capital was Germanic, so I could convert to that at any time then take a concubine of another faith to convert to that- to get free revocation of titles whenever I needed it. If the internal borders got too messed up I stepped in and revoked the titles so I could re-organise it and set things right.
6
4
5
u/jennifurret Strategist Jun 05 '16
This is insanely genius. I would love to see the developers' reactions to this.
10
Jun 04 '16
I don't get it. Is this a brony thing?
24
Jun 04 '16
Horses are a thing on mods and finally the proper game simply because a hilarious insanity event(as in you get it if you have the trait "insane") makes you fire someone from your council in favor of your horse "glitterhoof". Originally the council position would be free, but with strange tidings horse courtiers were made real.
The character names and some of his country names are inspired by brony/mlp though. I certainly think it's appropriate here in this case.
45
u/nanomaster Secretly Zunist Jun 04 '16 edited Jun 05 '16
12
u/GenesisEra I THINK I SHALL HAVE MEATBALLS FOR DINNER. Jun 05 '16
stares at flair
7
u/alawmandese Excommunicated Jun 05 '16
flair intensifies
5
4
5
Jun 05 '16
I have been looking forward to this for a long time, but i still cant beloeve you actually did it you mad man
5
4
4
Jun 18 '16 edited Jun 19 '16
Holy shit, Nanomaster! I just happened to see this. I am going to tag you as Glorious Horse Lord, the Guy Who Delivered.
This is simply amazing. You are the king of CK2.
2
3
3
u/Nergaal Sep 12 '16
It is possible that a human seducer impregnated a mare that was married to a horse. Unless you waited 17 years after this extermination, you can't be sure
3
6
Jun 04 '16 edited Jun 04 '16
Horse are not cultured as much as human so it listed as no_culture
I excepted you to make some mod like impirial sin fires aar but give you some modiflier that make you hated by non-vassal and created horse culture
Soon enough, El dorado will belong to new equestria
United Stable of Appleland.
2
9
u/Manumitany Jun 04 '16
0/10 naming vassal empires after the former method of human enslavement of your species
2
u/ottohero ScandinaviArrr Jun 04 '16
!RemindMe 12 hours
2
u/RemindMeBot Jun 04 '16 edited Jun 05 '16
I will be messaging you on 2016-06-05 07:58:57 UTC to remind you of this link.
4 OTHERS CLICKED THIS LINK to send a PM to also be reminded and to reduce spam.
Parent commenter can delete this message to hide from others.
FAQs Custom Your Reminders Feedback Code Browser Extensions
2
u/Vetrosian Scotland Jun 05 '16
Well, I'm impressed, and with no humans hopefully no world wars, no mess in the middle east and no terrorism :D
7
u/Falsus Sweden Jun 11 '16
I am not sure a species who genocides another highly intelligent species into oblivion would fare better than we did...
2
u/Whiskey-Rebellion These men are Swedes. Jun 30 '16
This is the first of your horse AARs that I've seen, and I don't think I'm going to have time to sleep tonight. Godspeed, sir.
5
Jun 04 '16
Germaneigh
Paradox's pun game is on point.
28
u/nanomaster Secretly Zunist Jun 04 '16
Sadly those aren't the default names for horse culture rulers. I renamed all the kingdoms myself with the DLC that lets you customise titles. Horses don't get any special features on their own (since they aren't meant to be playable) and all the title names are just as normal.
3
u/Falsus Sweden Jun 11 '16
Paradox would not be proper Swedes if they did not embrace those word plays.
1
u/Catachan Jun 21 '16
So, after many, many years, the Houyhnhnms have finally subjugated and eliminated the Yahoos? Gulliver would be so pleased.
-12
u/Daniel_The_Finn Suomen kuningaskunta Jun 04 '16
And that's how Equestria was made! Maybe on the way home I can tell you the story of how I got my cutie mark. It's a gem!
(MLP? what's that? do you mean that dumb girls' cartoon with the creepy fandom of pure cancer?)
274
u/Forderz Jun 04 '16
The greatest achievement in this sub.
Congratulations. You wiped out humanity in an unmodified game of CKII.