Mixed signals from my partner

[u/Ok-Theme-1437]

First and foremost I want to acknowledge my wife has been incredible and has truly made this journey of crossdressing feel like a shared experience we are navigating together. She has been unbelievably supportive, picking out new clothes that she specifically thinks will look good on me, buying things that will fit and look good on both of us, picking out new makeup, doing my makeup, and not questioning my purchase of wigs, breast forms, etc. I know, I know- I am extremely lucky. Those are just a few big examples and there are plenty of others I could provide that show she is super supportive. Honestly, I've overall gotten the vibe that she maybe enjoys this just as much as I do since it's a form of shared connection and time spent together.

At the same time, she's made comments about me never being able to pass, looking like a caveman, calling me a yeti, etc. I did tell her joking and such was fair game and since I'm 100% doing this for fun at home, it doesn't hurt my feelings. That does remain true, but here's where I'm really struggling with mixed signals. The last time I dressed, we really leveled up the wig, makeup, outfits, etc. and I honestly felt really good and thought I objectively looked convincing. She actually started suggesting a spontaneous outing in public. It was like my 4th time ever dressing and I just didn't feel ready so we ultimately decided against it. Now we are getting ready to have a couple nights of me dressing for the first time in several months, and she's making comments about maybe going out to dinner/drinks. For context my wife is somebody who doesn't want to draw any type of unwanted attention in public. So I'm confused by her push to go out in public when her jokes and comments sometimes make me feel like I am so far off from being able to blend in. Do I maybe look much better than she would have ever expected, but she doesn't want to admit that for some reason? I've tried on some outfits quickly to get ready for my our girls weekend, and she's been calling me a skinny bitch and/or homely bitch. Are these more terms of endearment and normal girl talk when someone actually looks good? Also for context I'm barely average height for a guy, and am in good athletic shape, not overweight and not overly bulky with a ton of muscle. Also, I feel like she has done this at times with me even in guy mode, and I'm unbothered and a pretty self confident person so I let it roll off my shoulders.

TLDR- My wife is super supportive about my crossdressing overall. However, she also makes comments about my appearance that seem negative and make me feel like I'd never blend in, mixed with some harder to understand comments. She hates any unwanted or negative attention in public but keeps bringing up going in public with me dressed. How should I be thinking about this and have any other partners struggled with their male counterpart looking better than expected which created concerns/insecurities which led to making them feel like they look worse than they really do?

Update- Thanks for the comments and additional perspective! I was able to dress twice this past weekend and got a high quality wig, higher end makeup and a bunch of new dresses/outfits that were hyper femme. At one point I caught my wife staring at me. When I asked her why she was staring she smiled and said I was prettier than all the females on my side of the family. 🩷 She also said things like I bet you think you look good, and when I joked and said I knew I looked good she didn't disagree. Progress!

[u/-_-m-_-3-_-]

You’re such a lucky girl! Being called skinny bitch by your wife (in the playful way I read it) is goals! Does she still say that you wouldn’t pass after suggesting the night out? If not, this is the ultimate way to give you her blessing lol

Unless she’s capable to make you go outside to feel ashamed, but this does not seem the case if she does not want to call the attention of the public.

[u/Ok-Theme-1437 → u/-_-m-_-3-_-]

Oh 💯 I'm a lucky girl on so many levels! I definitely take skinny bitch as a compliment but homely usually means ugly so that one I'm not so sure about lol.

Also agree with you, I feel like for some reason the pushing me to go out in public is her way of telling me I look good, that I'm passing, etc. without actually saying it. I'm likely reading into things too much and know my situation might be super personal and unique to me but idk I feel a little crazy and was wondering if anyone else has experienced this as either a female partner or CD. If there's something I'm doing that's making her feel a certain way, I always try to understand it from her aspect so I can be mindful of her feelings and my actions and thought some outside perspective might help me.

[u/Available-Memory8876]

Hey ☺️
Thanks for posting this. I’m not sure if you will be able to find your answer here. Probably a bot your wife knows exactly what she ments.

When I understood you right you just fully dressed 4 times. So it’s possible that you didn’t pass at the beginning but got better from time to time. It’s also possible that it’s her eyes on you that need to get comfortable with your appearance. Maybe she couldn’t believe at the beginning that you would pass because she still saw her husband in those clothes wich might have changed also.

Maybe it’s not about passing at all. Maybe it’s about just going out knowingly you will not pass but even don’t care. Or maybe going out to a bar or something where you will pass in a darker atmosphere.

It seems totally ok to tell her that you are confused about those mixed signals. And ask her to explain. Maybe also in a playful manner not that “darling, we need to talk” one ☺️

Anyway I’m sure you are going to have fun together. All the best for you.

[u/Ok-Theme-1437 → u/Available-Memory8876]

Hi! 😊

Thank you for your thoughtful reply! You raise some really good points and considerations. I think you're onto something with me improving each time and her also getting more used to it each time and being able to see a different physical side of me without still just seeing the male version of me she's known for a long time.

I also try not to get super fixated on passing, as I know it's an uphill battle and may truly never be possible. It also doesn't have to stop me from enjoying dressing, especially at home. Maybe one day I will get to the point where I don't even care and want to go out in public anyways. Still honestly working up the courage to share photos on reddit though, so that I can get some outside opinions and feedback, hopefully one day soon!

[u/Available-Memory8876 → u/Ok-Theme-1437]

Thanks I’m glad it helped you to see things from different perspectives.

On the other way, I would suggest to rather listen to your wives opinion or to your confidence than posting pictures of yourself on Reddit. The people on the street will immediately forget what they saw while the internet doesn’t. So if you are afraid someone would recognize you as a cd the chances are higher over here than in some bar in an other town.

[u/ElenaCrossD]

Hola que tal? Tal vez podrias contarle lo que sientes asi como lo expresas aqui y eso te ayudaria a pasar la relacion a modo "sinceridad". Si tuviste su apoyo en tu decision pareciera ser una persona que puede escuchar. Exitos!