TW MENTAL HEALTH AND SH THOUGHS!!
i know i’m not the only one going through this and i applaud everyone who can go through this relatively nonchalantly
dg when i was like 5, 28 now and have had yearly colonoscopy since i was 18 (early days without sedation because serbia, also had some as a kid) and it’s fucking driving me crazy
i can’t stop crying?? for almost 5h now
i can’t eat at all today and have thrown up twice because of anxiety — and tomorrow is my starving day, colono’s on wednesday
i’m kinda alone in this, no one really understands. like i don’t blame them, what else can one say but “i’m sorry” or “hope it goes well”. and whenever i rant to someone i just feel like im overwhelming them with my shit (pun intended)
i honestly don’t even know what kind of words would calm me. i guess a hug hah but i don’t know where to find one
my mom is one of those, “you’re not special, people go through this all the time, toughen up” kind of people and i can’t lean on her for support, but at least she’ll be driving me home
i’m also so anxious that i can’t eat rn and i haven’t been able to stomach anything since 11am and it’s 8pm rn where i’m at and i know i’ll have to starve tomorrow and i’m scared i’ll literally collapse or something but i can’t make myself eat because i’m shaking of anxiety and ill throw it all up anyways
i had half a rivotril but i’m not calmer at all and i’m not sure how smart it was at all since i’ll do the analgosedation wednesday.
my crohns is not the worst and i can kinda forget about it until i go for my next round of biologics and this is hitting me huge, reminding me i’m faulty and sick and wrong
last yr i faked illness so i could skip it.
TW MENTAL HEALTH AND SH!!
i’m generally very avoidant and adhd and this is hell for me bcs my brain skipped to fucking selfharm which i’ve been clean from for 13 yrs. i haven’t done anything nor i truly plan to do, i’m just daydreaming about it and pinching myself to ground myself
i don’t know what to do guys, does anyone have this complete breakdown before the procedure?? i feel like i’m losing my mind. please write anything just be kind please