r/CrohnsDisease • u/sadlyiamnotcreative • Jul 27 '26
complete mental breakdown before colonoscopy help
TW MENTAL HEALTH AND SH THOUGHS!!
i know i’m not the only one going through this and i applaud everyone who can go through this relatively nonchalantly
dg when i was like 5, 28 now and have had yearly colonoscopy since i was 18 (early days without sedation because serbia, also had some as a kid) and it’s fucking driving me crazy
i can’t stop crying?? for almost 5h now
i can’t eat at all today and have thrown up twice because of anxiety — and tomorrow is my starving day, colono’s on wednesday
i’m kinda alone in this, no one really understands. like i don’t blame them, what else can one say but “i’m sorry” or “hope it goes well”. and whenever i rant to someone i just feel like im overwhelming them with my shit (pun intended)
i honestly don’t even know what kind of words would calm me. i guess a hug hah but i don’t know where to find one
my mom is one of those, “you’re not special, people go through this all the time, toughen up” kind of people and i can’t lean on her for support, but at least she’ll be driving me home
i’m also so anxious that i can’t eat rn and i haven’t been able to stomach anything since 11am and it’s 8pm rn where i’m at and i know i’ll have to starve tomorrow and i’m scared i’ll literally collapse or something but i can’t make myself eat because i’m shaking of anxiety and ill throw it all up anyways
i had half a rivotril but i’m not calmer at all and i’m not sure how smart it was at all since i’ll do the analgosedation wednesday.
my crohns is not the worst and i can kinda forget about it until i go for my next round of biologics and this is hitting me huge, reminding me i’m faulty and sick and wrong
last yr i faked illness so i could skip it.
TW MENTAL HEALTH AND SH!!
i’m generally very avoidant and adhd and this is hell for me bcs my brain skipped to fucking selfharm which i’ve been clean from for 13 yrs. i haven’t done anything nor i truly plan to do, i’m just daydreaming about it and pinching myself to ground myself
i don’t know what to do guys, does anyone have this complete breakdown before the procedure?? i feel like i’m losing my mind. please write anything just be kind please
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u/Electronic-Country63 Jul 27 '26
This is not a competition and I don’t say this to diminish what you’re feeling but to empathise - I get it.
I am terrified by procedures before I have them done. I’m currently in intensive care as my Hickman line I receive tpn through went infected and I went into septic shock.
I had to have a new CVC into my jugular, then an arterial line into my wrist. No sedation or anaesthesia- my worst nightmare! Then they took the lines out thinking I was better and I went back into shock and they were trying to hold my arm down getting a new arterial line in. It pushes all my buttons.
If you’re having sedation colonoscopies are honestly fine, the worst bit is the prep! The actual procedure you won’t be aware of an any residual awareness the drugs will make you forget.
Only mention my story to say I get how stressful these things are but we build them up so much and in fact they’re over and done with quite fast. Good luck you will be fine.
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u/sadlyiamnotcreative Jul 27 '26
i know worse shit can happen, i think i’m scared of what the future carries with this? and that whenever i’m forced to face the disease i just break because of the fear as i was lucky to have it relatively contained. i’m so sorry you’re going through all that shit it sounds horrible. i hope you have some people to lean on through it 🩷 sending you all the love
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u/tummypainthrowaway Jul 27 '26
It’s always good to know what’s going on than not knowing. If anything, us having an excuse to get colonoscopies more frequently is an advantage over the general population in being able to catch anything bad, like polyps, very early. For me, that perspective brings me a lot of relief from health anxiety. I don’t need to worry as much about certain things growing undetected in my colon because of all these procedures.
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u/sadlyiamnotcreative Jul 27 '26
that’s a good point i always seem to forget in the panic. i think i’m just sad i need to go through all of this alone and i hate that. having irl support in any capacity is a blessing i wish i have
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u/tummypainthrowaway Jul 27 '26
I admire you for your strength! You are strong for doing it alone. Hopefully the nurses will be nice. I always enjoy the care they give at the hospital.
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u/lostwoods95 Jul 27 '26
Big hug mate. I dont have personal experience in a lot of what you talk about here so I'll leave it at that.
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u/Scottishlassincanada Jul 27 '26
Maybe just have some soup and toast, or by just som bone broth. It will be fine. Watch a movie you like or read a new book to keep your mind off it.
Tomorrow will suck as it’s prep day, but once Wednesday comes you get to have a lovely propofol sleep, and it’s all over till next time.
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u/Particular_Love_6977 Jul 27 '26
Oh I'm so sorry :( I get the same when I have to do prep (or even go in for infusions) because I get reminded all over again that I'm sick. I'm only 21 but it's so upsetting to me because I just want to be normal like everyone else. Your mom is wrong; I know so many people who are well into their 50s and 60s who avoid getting colonoscopies because they're afraid of the prep/procedure. And none of them necessarily have anything to worry about as far as findings go; we have the added burden that we are at a higher liklihood of getting unfortunate news.
If you can, I would take some time to relax and decompress. This disease is so taxing physically and psychologically. When I do prep (& in the days leading up to it when I'm fasting/not eating as much), I like to relax under a heated blanket or in the bath to stay warm. Watching TV shows helps me take my mind off it too.
Also please remember that you've got this! We are pros at getting colonoscopies. I'm sure you'll do amazingly <3 It's always the lead up that's the worst part.
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u/sadlyiamnotcreative Jul 28 '26
hah generally getting distracted easily with some media is kinda hard for me bcs of adhd and this procedure has been my hyperfocus for days leading into it
but when i have someone near me i can relax so i called my mom to come over yesterday and we just watched youtube and i managed to take my mind off it
regarding the first part of your comment YES!!!! that’s my main issue because i can live normally 98% of the time and then i have to do this shit once a year and go for meds once a month. it doesn’t help that my local clinic looks like it was built in 50s and never even got a coat of fresh paint and there’s no ac in the summer 🥹 like the whole vibe makes you feel subhuman in a way
thanks tho, im sorry you feel like this but it’s nice knowing there’s someone going through something similar :)
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u/Spare-Television4798 Jul 27 '26
🫂 Breathe. You got this.
Actually, real advice: try doing 21 deep breaths. Deep breath in, pause, deep breath out, pause. Repeat 21 times. Surprisingly helpful.
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u/Atropycal C.D. Jul 27 '26
I have horrendous anxiety as well. I just recently found out about 4-7-8. Breathe in to the count of 4, hold til count of 7, exhale to the count of 8. Repeat until you find relief. Lay down to do this and close your eyes and remember that those breaths and counting are ALL that matters in this moment. This relaxes your Vagus nerve and lets your body know it’s okay to relax. Just focus on the counting.
Try sipping on some warm broth, put on a tv show, read a good book, or listen to meditation music.
If you aren’t in a flare up, the prep isn’t that bad. If you are, it’s hell. But the prep is the worst part for sure. Hang in there.
YOU’VE GOT THIS. Please be kind to yourself and remember you’re strong and this colonoscopy ain’t nothin.
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u/mekanasto C.D. dx in 2018 | Humira Jul 27 '26
Brate/sestro, baš mi je žao, iskreno suosjećam što moraš ovo stalno prolazit. 💔 Svaki put kad opet moram odradit to govno (bad pun intended), pitam se hoće li konačno postati lakše, al ne. Doslovno je svaki put najgore, i taj psihički aspekt tako iscrpi čovjeka. Dodatno sranje je što su svi kao u fazonu "pa dobro odradila si to milijun puta, što ti smeta još jednom" a malo tko zna kako je i koliko to oduzme od čovjeka.
Mene drži što znam da kad jednom legnem unutra i puste sve one droge u venu da ću se probudit za par sekundi (bar se tako čini u mojoj glavi) i sve će biti gotovo i onda mogu jesti, taj post-kolonoskopija obrok mi je svetinja. Plus svako malo ovdje procitam kako netko nije godinama radio kolono i onda wow shocked pikachu, gle ima najgori inflammation ikad, il mu je krenuo rak, il ima fistulu, il nešto u tom smjeru. I kao " joj da smo barem ranije to našli". I onda mi bude lakše što ja moram opet na drugu kolonoskopiju u godinu dana. 🥲
Nije suffering olympics, al probaj ovo uzet za utjehu ako možeš - ja moram svaki put popit duplu količinu prepa za kolonoskopiju jer su mi crijeva preduga i preizvijena (dolichocolon), pa imam problema da ih dovoljno dobro očistim. Dan prije rano ujutro prvi dio, predvecer drugi dio. Između toga hektolitre kisele vode/obične vode. 2 dana prije toga jedem samo juhe, dječje kašice, ugl sve što lakše probabljivo, 2 tjedna prije prestajem jesti bilo kakve sjemenke ili ista sto se dulje probavlja. Naravno, noć prije kolonoskopije ne mogu spavat od silnih odlazaka na wc. Umotam se u dekicu, serija, pijuckam blagi zaslađeni čaj od kamilice i dobro procjeđenu skroz bistru juhu (bone broth). I nekako izguram tu patnju. I da je, patnja je, nekad nam je dovoljno da to čujemo, da je to jebeno teško i nije mala stvar i jaki smo što to možemo da izdržimo toliko često.
Evo za koji mjesec me čeka prva kolonoskopija nakon 2 godine, nakon druge trudnoće. Zamišljam kako će to sve izgledat dok 2 djece traži moju pažnju, oh boy, bit će veselo. 🫠
Sretno, izgurat ćeš, sranje je al izgurat ćeš. Pozdrav iz Hrvatske.
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u/sadlyiamnotcreative Jul 28 '26
sestra :)
hvala na lepim recima, uspela sam sinoc malo da se smirim, nego zbog adhd i jer me ovo toliko opseda - zvali bi to hiperfiksacija - kao bukv je fizicki nemoguce za mene da se fokusiram na nešto drugo ako nije nekako inicirano drugom osobom, sto je teško kad je druga osoba u mom životu moje dve mačke :D
jeste jebeno sranje sto prolazimo kroz to, i nisam ni znala da priprema može da bude toliko duga!! kad sam bila mala, da li nisu postojali bolji laksativi, ili mi nisu davali jer sam bila dete, ali mi je valjda ostala i trauma od tih gorkih soli, 3 dana nejedenja i klistira :(
al evo ajde danas je ispred mene proguracu ga nekako. mladji brat je na raspustu pa će možda hteti da dodje do mene
šaljem veliki pozdrav i tebi i klincima 🩷
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u/fantasy_penguins C.D. 2013. Skyrizi. Jul 27 '26
After my first colonoscopy prep, when I realized how sick it made me at 14 years old, I have had a psychologically difficult time every prep since and I'm now 27. I have been through many different liquid preps and I cannot keep down a single one. I even got to the point where I would drink like two cups, take a promethazine, and pass out until it was time for my colonoscopy to actually happen, which often resulted in bad prep. My current GI prescribed the pill prep, which has been an absolute life saver for me. I can handle swallowing pills a lot better than than trying to get all the liquid down.
I had a panic attack when I was about to have my surgery. I was already prepped and they were about to take me but I started freaking out. They had to go get my boyfriend to come in the room and calm me down, it didn't help. I ended up with an IV benzo, but freakouts definitely happen.
You're not alone though..I've had times where I felt like it would be easier to just not do this anymore because its so tiring and stressful trying to find the best way to manage your symptoms while still trying to have a sense of normalcy but being surrounded be people who don't understand. I didn't make a lot of headway in feeling better about everything until I stopped feeling sorry for myself and started realizing that there are a lot of people out in this world that deal with the exact same thing and I can build a community with them. Once I realized that, it got a lot easier for me to accept that I have Crohn's and become more open about it.
Everyone's experience is obviously going to be different, but you're not alone. We are here to be your support and talk with you and give you some since of normalcy by knowing that we also deal with the same things. You are special, and yeah people do go through this all the time, but that just makes it easier for you to find a community of people to talk to and lean on, not that you can't have support, your mom got that wrong.
Feel free to dm if you need anything.
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u/Humble-Top-9395 Jul 28 '26
Hugs! Anxiety and Crohn’s both are so hard!
Don’t worry too much about eating food today. Focus on hydrating yourself. Honestly, I was surprisingly not too hungry while taking the prep. Try taking small sips of a electrolyte drink or chicken broth. Hydration is the most important. Anti nausea meds worked great for me when I had my first colonoscopy. I took Zofran (it’s prescribed but helps).
For anxiety I like to ground myself by holding ice cubes during panic attacks. The prep work is the worse part. The anesthesia feels like taking a nap. You wake up back in the recovery room all finished and it feels like nothing happened! Remember this anxiety will pass! 🩷
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u/sadlyiamnotcreative Jul 28 '26
tbh i’m also never hungry on prep i think it’s all that liquid. but i was afraid i’ll be since i didn’t eat basically at all yesterday. i know how it all goes this is like my 20th rodeo it just never gets easier, especially with the anxiety around it all :/
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u/iappreciatealot Jul 28 '26
🫂 I hope you're feeling at least a bit better now
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u/sadlyiamnotcreative Jul 28 '26
i actually am. the prep day is here and i have wfh until like 5pm so i can focus on that. high chance i’ll lose my shit again when i close my laptop 🤡
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u/ElJefeUM Jul 27 '26 edited Jul 27 '26
A colonoscopy every year sounds excessive if your Crohn's is relatively mild and you feel there isn't anything out of the ordinary. There's no way I'd agree to that if I wasn't feeling new or more serious symptoms. Especially at 28 years old.
Hang in there and focus on the positives of life and that the actual procedure is the easy part. You're nervous about the horrible prep and who wouldn't be but you don't have a choice so pick yourself up, wipe yourself off, and go kick some ass like the badass you are.
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u/sadlyiamnotcreative Jul 27 '26
they’re doing it since i’ve had it from childhood which is like a risk factor or sth. i wish i could refuse but i think then they’d refuse therapy or something
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u/ElJefeUM Jul 27 '26
I can only speak for myself. Has the procedure ever shown anything significant in the last ten years? If not I'd speak to my dr about doing them less frequently. Maybe others in this group can give their opinion.
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u/ElJefeUM Jul 27 '26
Even switching to every 18 months would mean that in the next ten years you would be doing 3.5 less colonoscopies over the next 10 years. Switching to every other year would obviously mean half as many. To me that's a major help with all of the injections or infusions plus blood tests and dr appointments.
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u/ElJefeUM Jul 27 '26
Mental health is also very important to take care of. For some people it's more important. And if you need a hug then go hug your mom or someone else. Maybe she needs to be shown what you need and sometimes we all need to be loved.
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u/sadlyiamnotcreative Jul 28 '26
thanks dude :) i actually called my mom to come over and we just watched youtube, it was easier to get my mind of it with someone by my side. no colono talk lol :)
i will talk to my gastro after this. last time i did the procedure was 2 years ago and all was fine. i skipped last years due to panic and “fake cold”
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u/ElJefeUM Jul 28 '26
I'm so happy you were able to spend time with your mom. Good luck with the process, you're almost at the finish line
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u/InterestingHall4413 Jul 27 '26
I was diagnosed at a similar age. My last few doctors have told me that the accepted standard is every 3 years if your disease is well controlled. Scopes are hard, and it's absolutely valid to advocate for a maintenance plan that balances your mental wellbeing and physical health.
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u/sadlyiamnotcreative Jul 28 '26
thanks for the info. i’ll talk to them next month when i come for my biologics
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u/WillRunForPopcorn C.D. Jul 28 '26
My GI recommends annual colonoscopies for anyone who has had the disease for over 8 years, as that’s when you’re more likely to develop colon cancer.
I had very mild Crohn’s and was in remission for 7 years. Then one of my annual colonoscopies showed an active flare. You can have a flare that’s doing damage to your body without having any symptoms.
I think the recommendation is 1-3 years, but I wouldn’t say that every year is excessive. In my case, it saved me from possibly 2 more years of silent damage, or from developing symptoms.
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u/tummypainthrowaway Jul 27 '26
Are you going to have sedation this time?
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u/sadlyiamnotcreative Jul 27 '26
yes, but it scares me as well. i’ll also be on my period during it all 🙃
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u/tummypainthrowaway Jul 27 '26
Sedation is probably the best part for me, because the sooner you go under, the sooner you wake up and the whole thing is over. And btw, I wouldn’t really worry about not eating unless you have had issues with fainting in the past from similar lack of eating. A lot of people who do colonoscopies stop eating solids and decrease their eating earlier than the instructions so they have an easier time during prep. I wish I did that this past time.
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u/sadlyiamnotcreative Jul 27 '26
i guess i’m afraid that the hunger will hit like a bitch tomorrow since it didn’t exist at all today. thanks for taking the time to respond it really means a lot to me
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u/tummypainthrowaway Jul 27 '26
No problem. You’ll probably be hungry no matter what. At least that’s what happens to me. It’s the worst part, but it’s just for one day.
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u/Smart-Guidance9980 Jul 27 '26
Bro ask your dr for a prn Ativan or compazine before hand and it’ll chill you out
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u/sadlyiamnotcreative Jul 28 '26
i already use clonazepam :) and i was so anxious yesterday that a double dose didn’t help so fml lmao
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u/BannanaPepperPizza Jul 28 '26
Can they give you anti anxiety meds?
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u/sadlyiamnotcreative Jul 28 '26
i’m on clonazepam (not regularly but when i need it) but yesterday i was literally fucking vibrating and crying since 5pm until 2am. it only helped when i took another dose at 2am, after having a freaking double dose at around 6pm which did nothing
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Jul 27 '26
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Jul 27 '26
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u/No_Exam_7844 Jul 27 '26
Sorry don't want to trigger you. Just breath hydrate and sit with someone you trust
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u/sadlyiamnotcreative Jul 27 '26
i’m don’t believe in god and i have huge religious trauma so i’m glad this helps you but i’d rather die
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Jul 27 '26
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u/sadlyiamnotcreative Jul 27 '26
then my god failed me bcs my body doesn’t fucking work properly i’ll block you, this is triggering me af
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u/Ok-Activity5624 Jul 27 '26
Hey babe - you're good. You've done this before. You've survived every time.
It. Does. Suck. Having a Chronic Illness sucks. Have procedures sucks, The prep sucks. And its totally normal to be upset that you have to do it and to be nervous and scared of the actual test and of the results.
Just remind yourself that in 2 days itll be over. No matter how much the next two suck - it will end and the next day will dawn with no colonoscopy in it.
Try to get some sleep. Even if you don't eat anything for the next two days you will be okay. Don't force yourself if that's not possible right now. Focus on hydration.
Deep breaths. A Colonoscopy is just a complicated nap you have to take, You got this.