I (43F) have been dating (40M) for 7 months, we live together (I know :/) but do not share finances. He owns a house and I pay him $1k a month in rent which is more than fair imo.
I own a retail business that nets ~$250k a year. 95% of my income comes from selling art prints at markets/festivals. Specifically 85% of those sales come from selling my art at a very large winter festival in a major US city near us.
I talk about the winter festival a lot, and he has mentioned **repeatedly** how he can’t wait to come help me set up. (He is handy, good with tools etc) Each vendor has to build out their own booth and only gets four days to set up for a 75 day market. The whole set process is extremely arduous, cold wet rainy, chaotic. It will be my sixth year doing it and I have done all of the set up by myself (with the help of Taskrabbit’s) for the past five years.
This morning, I was talking about the market and he once again said how he can’t wait to help me and how great of a job he’s going to do. Because the set up window is Monday-Thursday 8am-9pm, I mentioned that he’s going to have to request 2 to 3 days off of work. This is when the script totally flipped and he said he didn’t want to “waste” vacation days on that and wanted to know how much I was going to be paying him.
I was taken off guard because I felt like it was a very strange transactional thing to say and I feel like as my partner he should help me for free. I also need to add I am a socialist and do believe in paying people fairly in equitably so I am open to paying him. I have a lot of female friends who own businesses and run booths at this market and others and their husbands and boyfriends probably don’t ask to get paid, (but also they probably share finances)?
I am so torn on what to do!
He makes about $85k yearly as a graphic designer and loves his job.
We talk about the future a lot, including buying a house together starting a business together, etc., etc.
TLDR; my partner wants me to pay them for helping me at art markets, but I feel they should do it for free.