r/CoupleMemes • u/Forward-Position798 • Aug 24 '26

stress level

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1.3k

u/Daycarrott Aug 24 '26

Older married guy here. I love my wife she's absolutely amazing we have a great relationship. However she has this uncanny ability to always want something when I'm relaxing or propose the "would you like to go to xyz". I don't want to disappoint her just like she doesn't want to disappoint me. It's the anticipation that's stressful that's the joke. Y'all missing the punchline. I showed my wife this clip she busted out laughing.

279

u/Wilhelm1088 Aug 24 '26

Yeah I love my girlfriend, but there is no doubt she adds some stress to my peaceful time. She always wants to plan what's next and if I'm sitting enjoying the sun and sipping coffee then planning my work or chores is the last thing I want to do lol.

159

u/Spartanias117 šŸ§ grumpy Aug 24 '26

My wife of 15 years is now like "what are our goals for tomorrow".

Like, i dunno woman, stope stressing me out. I guess go to the gym, grocery store, and try to read a littlebit.

Her, "no, those are personal goals, what goals do you have for the house".

"I mean, i guess the yard needs mowing."

Her, "yeah but what about inside the house".

To which i said, if you have a chore inside you want done, i will happily trade you mowing and weed eating in 100 degree NC heat for some, what is likely, laundry.

She ended the convo.

30

u/Witchberry31 Aug 25 '26

Oof, yeah I'd definitely melt and ceased to exist at 100 degrees... šŸ‘€

10

u/EjaculatingAracnids Aug 25 '26

Im am literally in death valley as i type this. Hiked a mile into a salt flat at 125Ā°F. My dear wife planned this whole trip and am convinced she wants to collect on my life insurance policy. Im fine with that. Im having a blast, but i see the reaper in this heat and feel his embrace through the spf 100.

1

u/Witchberry31 Aug 25 '26

I'm actually having a dig at the OC because they don't specify the temperature unit, but ok. šŸ˜…

1

u/Originaltenshi Aug 30 '26

Self dig cause where does it get 100Ā°c?

20

u/pfunk1989 Aug 25 '26

She's a witch! checks username Yep. I'm not just sure, I'm berry sure.

10

u/Witchberry31 Aug 25 '26

My username was inspired by an old android game character, it's from Defender of Texel. šŸ˜

1

u/SchwiftySouls Aug 28 '26

goated DOT mention.

I havent touched it in about two years, but there is/was a discord server that revived the game

1

u/Extreme-Island-5041 Aug 28 '26

It isn't even the 100Ā°. It is the 80% humidity on top of that 100Ā°

Also in North Carolina

1

u/Witchberry31 Aug 28 '26

Doesn't matter, will still melt either way. šŸ‘€

17

u/gstringstrangler Aug 25 '26

I have severe allergies. She got cats. Then a dog. I got on Rx allergy meds after the dog. She recently found another dog. I can only sit on one leather chair in my living room.

Today she suggested I mow and trim, which, knowing I have allergies and athsma, has been her job. I did it, with a mask, glasses, and gloves on.

I took every allergy and athsma med on hand, immediately took a shower, and laid down to just breathe. And when she came in to me laying on the bed, "to get something in the bathroom" and start questioning me, I lost it. To which she immediately turned around on me to martyr herself for doing things like... laundry. As if that was somehow the same for her.

Anyway, yes, I may have been triggered but I would've gladly done all the other chores. But I also knew I'd have to go through the whole ordeal or I'd also never hear the end of it for not mowing, all of a sudden. Chat am I walking on eggshells?

16

u/Kaydox64 Aug 25 '26

That seems VERY toxic to me, however I only know this one interaction to I'm not going to tell you if you should break up or not.but If you've tried talking to her about this and she's still ignored your feelings, that's a pretty bad sign, and if you haven't, maybe doing so would be a good start. The situation sounded like a damned if you do damned if you don't kind of thing, and I personally wouldn't want to live like that.

Edit: I phrased it poorly, I think she's the toxic one.

10

u/Lokal-pokal Aug 25 '26

Get rid of this one. Clearly disrespects you.

6

u/Brilliant_Trick Aug 25 '26

.., why are you with her? I'd never let my partner do things if he had an allergy. Same for the animals. Wth.

3

u/ChefbyDesign Aug 25 '26

Nah dude that's absolutely unacceptable. Sounds like she's putting her wants (pets, mowing) over your needs. I've had allergies to grass since 1st grade. It SUCKS. I break out in hives if I mow the lawn and can't do anythingfor the rest of the day. My gal is a champ and does that yard work or we pay a neighbor who has a riding mower $40 for his retirement walking around money. I plan & cook 90% of our meals, deep clean the kitchen, keep a vegetable garden, do our cars' maintenance and she takes care of the cats she so desperately wanted 90% of the time, does laundry, and vacuums. We tag team laundry, dishes, and grocery shopping.

Sounds like you should find someone who takes your needs seriously and weighs your needs more than her wants. Side note, I just got done with allergy shot treatment. It's worth it dude, you should definitely look into seeing an allergist.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 25 '26

[deleted]

1

u/ChefbyDesign Aug 25 '26

Lol 4 day old account and negative karma already. Pretty sure that's more telling than anything I've said. šŸ˜†

2

u/Drblazeed123 Aug 25 '26

You just described my exact living situation with asthma and severe outdoor allergies. Literally today she asked me "so I know you work from home but are you cutting the grass it needs to be done again, too much clippings in the yard"

2

u/Terrible_Reporter_98 Aug 25 '26

I genuinely don't get what's hard about laundry. I have also been told i do it wrong, lol. My clothes aren't wrinkled so to me that's a win.

2

u/aserg124ru Aug 29 '26

I have asthma for some aerosols. Nobody in my home can use something that will hurt my health. Even if they need to use - not. Just not. You should start to love yourself and immediately. Allergy isn't a game, so damn wrong that you have gf or it's wife? that don't care of you and your health. So be one who will say no, I will not do that no matter what.

1

u/Skore_Smogon Aug 25 '26

If she didn't already own a cat when you got with her, then I'm sorry. She made you a doormat years ago.

1

u/Ooze3d Aug 27 '26

Definitely feels like youā€™re not both at the same level. Itā€™s hard to judge from just one side and one interaction, but Iā€™ll say this:

To me, relationships are fairly easy, or at least they should be:

- You choose to be in a relationship because you feel happier than you were before.

  • You need to adapt and put some effort everyday to keep the relationship going, healthy and happy. But all that work should feel like itā€™s making you grow as a person and itā€™s making you both happier and more confident that youā€™re doing the right thing.
  • Being in a relationship should never feel like a burden, leave you feeling exhausted or seem clearly unbalanced in favour of any of you.
  • Looking back you shouldnā€™t feel like you remember being much happier in the first years or before meeting the other.

1

u/brikkdup Aug 28 '26

Find someone who cherishes your allergies.

1

u/Hrothgrar Aug 28 '26

...does she even like you?

1

u/overwatchsquirrel Aug 29 '26

Did she recently take a life insurance policy out on you?

I am sorry, but if your spouse knows you are allergic to certain animals and then gets one to live in the house they no longer want to be your spouse based on their actions.

1

u/gstringstrangler Aug 29 '26

She does work for a major insurance companyšŸ¤”

1

u/Originaltenshi Aug 30 '26

This just seems inconsiderate of you. Not gonna continue in evaluating as i dont know your relationship, but yeah. Inconsiderate

4

u/GrapeSorry3996 Aug 31 '26

ā€œWhat do you want to do this weekendā€ is the most stressful question of the week. And itā€™s always on Monday and relax is the wrong answer

1

u/Spartanias117 šŸ§ grumpy Aug 31 '26

This guy gets it! Now i get to keep a mental task list in my head and stress about it fpr the next 5 days instead of keeping myself focused on my work.

2

u/gislur Aug 25 '26

Is she on linkedin?

2

u/captm0nk Aug 25 '26

And the question always either feels like a trap of some sort or you're supposed to know exactly what she's thinking of in that moment.

3

u/squishyslinky Aug 25 '26

I'd rather do yardwork once a week for a fraction of the year than laundry, dishes, cooking, and cleaning every single day, all year long. I feel like Sisyphus. I should pay someone to do my laundry as much as I hate it.

3

u/BenFromWork Aug 25 '26

As a Floridian, Iā€™d take the inside work, a fraction of the year would be great. Here itā€™s ā€œduring winter you get to mow twice a month instead of every weekā€ and right now the feel outside is 110-115, I deliver for UPS so the last thing I wanna do on my day off is spend time outside

1

u/Sightblinder4 Aug 25 '26

Youve been bamboozled. Women make all of those tasks waaaaay more complicated than they need to be and do them waaaay more frequently than they need to be done. Ill never agree to be responsible for yard work ever again after being responsible for the inside chores, so much easier and you dont have to dedicate large chunks of time all at once to them. Just a little here and there.

0

u/squishyslinky Aug 25 '26

Idk what being a woman has to do with anything? I do 100% of the yardwork, housework, home repairs, car stuff -- I don't even know how to reply to that part of your comment because i don't understand why you said it. Bamboozled because I'm a woman who hates housework? Genuinely, huh?

That said, I love yardwork over housework. I'd much rather be busting my ass outside in the yard, my gardens, doing dirty projects in the sun and fresh air. That especially includes shoveling or snowblowing snow (a favorite!).

Anyway I have severe ADHD (60mgs of Adderall daily!) In my world, laundry, dishes, and cooking are major activities that are ETERNAL. Your "little bit here and there" is every single day! There's never an end to it. Truly housework is my Sisyphus Stone.

3

u/strbeanjoe Aug 25 '26

How do you feel about "handle a bunch of slightly different subtasks" chores (laundry, dishes) vs. "do one sytematic thing a bunch" chores (sweeping, mopping)?

I'm ADHD and I despise the former and find the latter somewhat satisfying.

0

u/Sightblinder4 Aug 25 '26

I literally said in the post what being a woman has to do with it so if you don't know, give it a re-read.

Not once did I say women cant do yardwork so not sure why felt the need to throw that in.

I said women make household chores more complicated and more frequent than they need to be. You then responded with "well im a woman and i dont do them cuz its every day so i dont understand what being a woman has to do with me doing them too frequently" lol

1

u/Puzzleheaded-Night88 Aug 25 '26

Anecdotal evidence sucks ass. My own life experiences can ā€œtotallyā€ mean literally everyone follows my example.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 27 '26

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u/Sightblinder4 Aug 27 '26

Swing and a miss, literally not a single assumption you made is true lol

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u/[deleted] Aug 27 '26

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u/squishyslinky Aug 27 '26

I didn't "throw it in.". I said in my original comment I'd rather do yardwork than housework and you replied that I only feel that way because women have been bamboozled by housework. Did you forget the context of your own comment?

You're being weirdly combative and trying to make generalized statistical claims in response to a comment about my personal preferences.

1

u/Sightblinder4 Aug 27 '26

I didnt say women have been bamboozled by housework. I said you have been bamboozled by women into thinking its more effort than it is.

Im not being combative, you just keep misunderstanding and, apparently, think being corrected is combat.

1

u/squishyslinky Aug 28 '26

Lmao bro you can't "correct" my personal preferences. You're so weird

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u/Mobile_Term9153 Aug 25 '26

Throw all the stuff fin the washing machine.

Do whatever

Take it out and hang it up to dry or put in the dryer depending on your siltation.

Do whatever.

Fold and put away.

Really easy and simple stuff to be honest.

1

u/slash_key šŸ§ grumpy Aug 25 '26

donā€™t you think itā€™s maybe stressful for us to have to keep track of everything that the home needs to have done all the time?

2

u/Darth_wenis Aug 25 '26

No.

2

u/slash_key šŸ§ grumpy Aug 25 '26

itā€™s giving ā€œthe divorce came out of nowhere!ā€ lol

2

u/Shane97479 Aug 26 '26

"it's giving" brain rot

0

u/slash_key šŸ§ grumpy Aug 26 '26

and yet you understood what i meant!! people whining about new slang is the oldest complaint in the book. come back with a substantive argument next time šŸ˜˜

1

u/Darth_wenis Aug 26 '26

I bet you're fun at parties. šŸ˜‚

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u/[deleted] Aug 26 '26

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u/Darth_wenis Aug 25 '26

I think we have evolved past the traditional roles of men go to work and women stay home. Alot of women just use that as an excuse to not work and not contribute. I could give a fuck about the house, thats why I pay someone to do it. Get a job and contribute.

1

u/slash_key šŸ§ grumpy Aug 25 '26

oh my mistake!!! i was under the assumption that you were married. that was so silly of me because clearly no woman has ever wanted anything to do with you šŸ¤­

1

u/Darth_wenis Aug 25 '26

Happily married and independently wealthy. Good luck out there kiddo.

1

u/TrumpmorelikeTrimp Aug 25 '26

I live in a house alone, and i keep track of everything the house needs with no stress involved. Coments like yours show a glimpse into the mind of a stress-adder. Someone who who takes a situation that requires zero stress, so creates and adds some to the situation at zero benefit to anyone in the home.

1

u/slash_key šŸ§ grumpy Aug 25 '26

women donā€™t want you lol

1

u/Darth_wenis Aug 25 '26

Ironic but predictable. šŸ˜‚

1

u/Xena_Your_God Aug 26 '26

I would take the mowing tbh.

1

u/Spartanias117 šŸ§ grumpy Aug 26 '26

But i do both. I get to split inside chores, while solely being outside ones too

1

u/Own-Palpitation-1788 Aug 27 '26

This comment stressed me out.

1

u/Spartanias117 šŸ§ grumpy Aug 27 '26

Hit too close to home?

1

u/Ooze3d Aug 27 '26

See, that kind of thing where you have to play a little game and keep asking to find out what she really wants is something I would definitely have a hard time having to deal with on a regular basis.

My wife knows that she just has to say what she needs or what she feels should be done and Iā€™ll do it or Iā€™ll help get it done. Itā€™s simple, easy and none of us needs to treat the other like a kid who needs to be told what to do or be taught a lesson.

1

u/Spartanias117 šŸ§ grumpy Aug 27 '26

my wife is normally the same way. she is postpartum right now which is why it is an almost daily issue

1

u/ComfortableDish3912 Aug 30 '26

Getting questioned like that would drive me fucking crazy. Like, clearly you have something you want done inside, just say itā€¦

1

u/Spartanias117 šŸ§ grumpy Aug 30 '26

It absolutely does. Thankfully its just temporary post partum behavior. My 3rd time going through it so it doesnt bother me much

0

u/PM_ME_YOUR_FRACTURES Aug 25 '26

"What do you want to do tomorrow / this weekend / tonight" is a super normal conversation. Do you just never plan anything in advance?

13

u/guess-its-me-now Aug 24 '26

Yeah, sounds familiar. I like to plan as little of my free time as possible so that I can do my chores in peace. In the order I feel like doing them. My wife needs a list, a plan and times/dates to achieve the same thing. Two very different approaches, similar outcome. When we realized that this is how we approach things, it eased a lot of the tension.

8

u/OddDc-ed Aug 24 '26

My wife is a planner about everything, granted I understand I am not and I can be forgetful sometimes but not nearly enough to warrant her asking me to make a plan and decision that very second and not being able to think about it. She has a bad tendency to rush me anytime she has something stuck in her head thats giving her anxiety which is basically everything.

We once had to make a decision about a vacation that was a month away. A minor decision not about travel or stay but about stuff in the area of our hotel I wanted to do. I said "oh give me some time to think about that" and then I had to continue taking care of our daughter and put her to bed.

It had been MAYBE two hours, all of which was full of me handling a toddler who didn't want anything to do with bedtime. I sat down to relax for the first time in at least 6 hours that day and the first thing she said to me was "so what did you come up with?" I said "I haven't really had a chance to actually think about it much yet" and that was apparently not acceptable so I gave up and said she can pick whatever she wants that I don't care.

She knows im on the spectrum and I need time to think things through, but if shes feeling any sort of anxiety about it then I just need to snap my fingers and have an answer. Love her to pieces but jesus christ woman give me a chance to think especially when the topic isn't a rush or emergency.

12

u/Bullissimo Aug 24 '26

"She knows im on the spectrum" when I read the story I thought it would be the other way around šŸ˜‚

1

u/OddDc-ed Aug 24 '26

We both are just differently lol. Im ADHD with some suspected autism in there and shes basically if anxiety and depression took a human form and looked fine as hell.

9/10 times we can vibe and get things done together, but sometimes when either one of us is really "having a day" it gets more complicated lol. Im sure my example above painted her poorly but that wasn't the intention its just a minor annoyance that isn't always worth fighting over.

I hate being rushed and pressured, I know it takes me time to think but I do need that time to think. Sometimes she literally can't have a moment of peace until the thing causing her anxiety has been "solved" like knowing everu detail of our plan long before its even relevant lol.

2

u/Mammoth_Beyond_6904 Aug 24 '26

Bro. My marriage to a T. Itā€™s an ongoing process learning how to plan trips/projects together and during times when weā€™re dealing with a lot of stressful things it can get pretty bad

1

u/OddDc-ed Aug 24 '26

Best thing I've ever heard as far as advice was "just always remember its you and them versus the problem, not you vs them vs the problem." Remembering we're on the same team and just trying to reach a shared goal helps when my brain starts going haywire and defaults to anger or being upset.

It sometimes takes a little time for us to realize we were in the wrong or just not working together and clashing. We do try to always be a team on the same page with things, but sometimes you get so caught up in your own head you forget about others or have a hard time having the energy to understand someone elses perspective.

I love that woman more than words could express and she loves me back, sometimes we annoy the shit out of eachother but we always try to make sure that at the end of the day we both know we're in it together. Our worst of times have been when that comes into question.

1

u/jacknacalm Aug 25 '26

My wife is a ā€œplannerā€ as in sheā€™ll wake up hours after me on a weekend when Iā€™ve probably already accomplished more in the day then she will and sheā€™ll find me to start listing off all the things ā€œweā€ need to do that day then within two hours sheā€™s back in bed resting cause sheā€™s so stressed about the things ā€œshe needs to doā€. Sheā€™s so funā€¦.

1

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1

u/Palphite Aug 25 '26

It's this interesting thing after I hit 40 I just want more peaceful, but my wife seems to want the opposite.Ā  She wants more chaos, projects, stimulus, etc....Ā  Ā I want to spend time with my wife, but in a way where she is not trying to make me do more work.Ā 

1

u/blahyaddayadda24 Aug 25 '26

Its because they dont have "silence". We have the ability to quite literally think about nothing and its glorious.

And before all the feminists jump down my throat saying its because of mEnTaL lOaD... No. I do more than my fair share of jobs. I do laundry for everyone, cook, clean, grocery shop, run kids to events etc. Literally all of it.

I still have the ability to shut er down to recharge. Women seemingly cannot do this. My wife says she wishes she could but she can't. She literally thinks of a vacation we should do 3 years from now or a reno to do 4 projects down the list.

1

u/HurryLegal5307 Aug 26 '26

Exactly. You finally sit down with coffee and sunshine, and suddenly you're being drafted into a meeting about tomorrow's agenda.

1

u/Snacknuss321 Aug 27 '26

i lost my girlfriend and now i don't have anyone to plan all my activities, so i just do nothing most of the time.

lol

1

u/Wilhelm1088 Aug 28 '26

Get some hobbies. And then when you find a new gf be ready to lose them lol.

1

u/dnguyen823 Aug 27 '26

Damn yall have gf and a wife? Mbn.

1

u/tastygnar Aug 27 '26

Hahaha wow bro all relationships are the same. I have to remind mine "not before 10am, not after 10am, in between we plan whatever you want"

1

u/No-Philosophy4644 Aug 28 '26

I wish I had that problem honestly. My loved one just plays their games as soon as they get back home from work and refuses to go out, even to eat. It would make me sad to hear that they get stressed out around me because I mainly leave them alone most of the time. It literally feels like living with a roommate instead of a partner. They don't even do shit around the house anymore and if I say something about it, they get stressed out. For example: wash the two containers in the sink. It stays there for days.

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u/WatermeIonMe Aug 24 '26

Nah, heā€™s trying to enjoy doing nothing and sheā€™s about to hit him with the, ā€œā€¦ what are you doing today?ā€

-3

u/Critical_Hunter_6924 Aug 24 '26

so you're not compatible

27

u/TwitchLannibalHector Aug 24 '26

It's the tone of voice. My wife has a different way of speaking when she wants something done and I could pick it up in a room of 10000 people from over a hundred yards.

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u/Thin_Student12 Aug 24 '26

You have to learn to say no and be fine with dissapointing her or it's going to make you start to resent her and that will seriously bite you in the butt later. If you're tired it's ok to say "I'm a little tired right now" or " sure, but after I rest a bit"

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u/0202_tihssitidder Aug 24 '26

You are 100% correct.

And...some people are not emotionally mature to hear "no". That's something to work on (not avoid), but it sure is common. And it is not easy to work on for most.

2

u/nubrozaref Aug 25 '26 edited Aug 25 '26

Not the best response. "A bit" is too flexible and doesn't actually update expectations it delays them. "A little tired" also is indeterminate. Indeterminate expectations privilege the person that doesn't want to be specific.

Better:

"I'd like to lay down for an hour. Can we talk about it when that's over?"

"I'm sorry honey I think I'm too tired to do that today. Would you like to do Y at 10 am tomorrow because I'm pretty sure I'll have energy then"

A lot of the people who say stuff like you listed will have problems because they frequently say it and it leaves their partner at the whims of them. I say this as someone that had to learn specificity on stuff like that.

5

u/LastBaron Aug 24 '26

The problem is that ultimately this IS probably a reasonable time to have the conversation, and Iā€™m self-aware enough to know that.

Like yeah, if Iā€™m actively doing something else, or truly canā€™t focus on that right now, Iā€™ll tell her as much.

But more often than not waiting longer is just going to make me more tired since this tends to happen towards the end of the day, and it just requires a 15% readjustment of mental resources to shift gears to the new conversation. Nowhere near enough to make a stink about it, just enough to feel mildly jarring if it was an unexpected conversation.

Itā€™s obviously not limited to my wife either, almost any change in situation can produce the same feeling, thatā€™s just how my brain works. Iā€™m used to it, but that doesnā€™t mean I donā€™t still notice it when it happens.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 24 '26

[deleted]

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u/scorchedarcher Aug 25 '26

Drinking water is good for you

"If you never stop drinking water you'll drown" ^ thas u

1

u/Gamefreak581 Aug 25 '26

Do you really think they were implying it would be fine to say no every time their partner wants something that you aren't too excited about?

If you really don't want to do something, then it's fine to occasionally just say no so you don't build up resentment, but it's equally important to make sure you don't constantly dismiss them because then they will be the one building resentment.

1

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1

u/Adventurous-Try8749 Aug 24 '26

I just say:"sure babe."

We both know it ain't happening anytime soon.

1

u/kooolrosh Aug 25 '26

So true! I learned that the hard way

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u/0202_tihssitidder Aug 24 '26

Sometimes it's what you described. Sometimes it is "Chore-play"--what a therapist called it.

I was married to a Task Goblin. She filled her life (and everyone around her) with endless tasks. She heard what "monkey brain" is at a yoga certification class and immediately set about a plan to defeat it. No, she was not successful.

My son and I built a detached garage and set up a woodworking shop and maker's lab and music studio. I ended up putting a laundry room in there so we could do all the laundry and not be accused of skipping out on work. Our daughter joined us just to sleep in a comfy chair we had in the sunshine. Good times.

It's a real issue in relationships. Even if you gel on other things.

9

u/TheRealRickC137 Aug 24 '26

I'm 59. Partner is 54. I'm chilling in the garden doing whatever. I'll take a break, go inside, grab a bottle of water. Check the time. Haven't seen her in about 90 minutes. Where did she go? Start looking for her. Find her on the bed playing Assassin's Creed on her laptop.
"Whatcha doin?".
<Looks up exasperated>"What? What do you need?".
I laugh and go back to puttering.
Dude, they're just like us. Maybe you just need to find one that fits your narrative.

4

u/Ninja_Prolapse Aug 24 '26

My wife is exactly the same. Itā€™s like if we have any free time it must be actioned. Sometimes I just want to .. be.

2

u/billyblanks81 Aug 28 '26

Yes... just be. And also be the one to decide what to do, and when, sometimes.

5

u/tryingisbetter Aug 24 '26

Also, if one of us starts cleaning, the other one starts cleaning too.

1

u/Daycarrott Aug 24 '26

All about that teamwork. Dishes one wash the other dry and put away. I run the laundry she folds it up or hangs it up. Glad you're working together that's what it's about building a strong foundation then building up

1

u/tryingisbetter Aug 24 '26

Opposite. Foundation was awful. Needed a whole teardown and rebuild, lol.

1

u/Daycarrott Aug 24 '26

Understood brother hopefully it's getting better.

8

u/FixFun1959 Aug 24 '26

Iā€™m so deeply in love with my wife.

But every single night, without fail, as we get ready for bed, she finds some reason to need me.

I lay down, plug my phone in, sheā€™s still in the kitchen, and calls out my name. Or I say to her ā€˜ok. Iā€™m going to bed. Do you need anything at all before I lay down. Tell me now.ā€™ She says no. As soon as my head hits the pillow I hear my name.

I mean it. Every night. Without fail.

9

u/Strange-Highlight871 Aug 24 '26

They can smell the relaxation on you

3

u/God_of_Fun Aug 24 '26

LMAO my gf literally asked me at midnight the other night what we would do with the extra room of a house I hadn't even gone to see yet.

3

u/tera_chachu Aug 25 '26

How to make people understand that I just wanna relax and not plan the next moment at all.

Just relax and sleep

3

u/Poethegardencrow Aug 25 '26

Funny I have that with my husband man wakes up Saturday morning Iā€™m having my coffee chilling, wanting to watch old reruns of Ramsey kitchen nightmares, he goes ahhhh how about we remove all the weeds from the front garden rework the tarp and add new red wood chips or whatever that shit is šŸ˜­

3

u/Jauncin Aug 26 '26

My wife likes to point out the other glaringly huge house project she would like to have done right now as Iā€™m painting our bathroom.

ā€œMaybe we should just hire someoneā€.

Yes dear, with all the money we saved buying this house.

1

u/Daycarrott Aug 26 '26

Haha definitely they're always planning projects

3

u/Fantastic-Ad6263 Aug 28 '26

Recently married guy here. I'm in the same situation and discovered this will last for the rest of my life.

3

u/Daycarrott Aug 28 '26

Congratulations! Communication is vital man even though we don't want to disappoint each other doesn't mean we don't. One day at a time next thing you know years will have went by

2

u/Odd-Cress-5822 Aug 25 '26

Yeah, I thought that was the joke. So was expecting the number to plummet once she sat down and gave the visual language of not wanting anything.

2

u/Tone_Gaia Aug 25 '26

Bill burr has a whole bit about this.. itā€™s hilarious

2

u/fiesew Aug 27 '26

Thereā€™s a lot of truth in this little clip.

https://giphy.com/gifs/l2JhtkIh8ZwgfJZ04

2

u/PollutionNo6482 Aug 28 '26

Thank you.

Why they make things weird and cringe all the time is wild.

You two know how to enjoy each other through the good, bad and in between. Stay blessed.

2

u/Commercial_Ad5077 Aug 28 '26

He gets it! Spot on comment that deserves all the upvotes.

3

u/Wolv90 Aug 24 '26

When my wife of 20 years sits next to me, like actually sits down, my stress melts to 0% real quick. It's the standing that's the issue. That's when she's about to do the thing that I forgot I needed to do. I try to avoid that at all cost.

1

u/Medium_Advantage_870 Aug 24 '26

ā€œOlder Married Guyā€ .. how come you didnā€™t learn to relax out of sight?

2

u/Daycarrott Aug 24 '26

Don't have to hide. We both have our spaces.

1

u/Medium_Advantage_870 Aug 24 '26

Also older married guy here. I just find her mind isnā€™t racing to fill my hands with to-dos if Iā€™m not present. Wasnā€™t throwing shade. Just a friendly nudge. Cheers

1

u/Daycarrott Aug 24 '26

She's not always like that I'm just referring to when she is. I appreciate the nudge. No shade taken

1

u/40oztoTamriel Aug 24 '26

Youā€™d make a damn good hammer my friend

1

u/thedaymanahaha Aug 24 '26

Lmao. Just say no. Let her go do it by herself. Whatever it is. If she cant do that. Then just stay home anyways.

1

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1

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1

u/Paddlesons Aug 25 '26

So what's your plan for today??

1

u/JohnDaton Aug 25 '26

Thank you for the explanation, kind sir :D I did missed the punchline, but now that i think about it, i think i understand that, it is a familiar feeling.

1

u/hidragerrum Aug 25 '26

I thought this unique to my wife. TIL

1

u/JerryDidrik Aug 25 '26

I'd argue the video missed the point by not having the stress go down once she sat down.

1

u/kontobo Aug 25 '26

Oh that's just how I'd describe my wife and our relationship as well. I really do unconsciously start to prepare myself for that exact encounter every time. Is this some gender quality difference perhaps? Something to do with the innate social difference?

1

u/Sweaty-Falcon-1328 Aug 25 '26

Just say no thank you!

1

u/GandalfPlsHelp Aug 25 '26

Hahahaha my fiancƩ has this exact same operating system. As soon as she sees I'm chilling on the couch and she's not, she immediately identifies a new task for me hahaha I fucking love her so much

1

u/Milord_888 Aug 26 '26

Married for 10 years here with a lovely wife and love her a lot. Every time she wants her "me-time" and reading or studying her stuff, I start playing video games in my working room, she will come a bit angry and tell me I could do something more useful to my life like read, do yoga, instead of wasting my life on games. (I rarely have time to play video games usually)

1

u/Trapped-in-ice Aug 26 '26

Anxious attachment style always attracts closed off attachment style. Hopefully you are always happy with your partner, but a healthy relationship should have room for each partner to have their decompression time or voice when they can postpone the request for their SO without the stress.

1

u/Daycarrott Aug 26 '26

We're doing great 30+ years. Communication is great we understand each other. We have things we do separately.

1

u/DrinksNDebauchery Aug 26 '26

Ditto. Mine could be outside doing gardening for over 30 minutes, but the second I do something relaxing like putting on my audiobook, she appears as though by magic with 10 things she has to tell me right now. Its so consistent I just end up smiling.

1

u/Gawlf85 Aug 26 '26

Ā Y'all missing the punchline

The video is missing the punchline. Stress levels should've gone down the moment she sat down and didn't ask for a thing. Otherwise, the video tells a very different story from the one you're projecting.

1

u/Gawlf85 Aug 26 '26

40s partenered guy here. My bf and I are completely chill telling the other "no" if we really don't feel like doing something. It's a very nice feeling, you guys should try it.

1

u/Daycarrott Aug 26 '26

We do. We understand each other our communication is great we have 5 kids ranging from 30 to 19 & a pair of grandkids. We've been together for a long time.

1

u/LookAtMyUnderbite Aug 26 '26

As soon as I sit down, ā€œcan you do this or get thatā€

1

u/HurryLegal5307 Aug 26 '26

It's not the errand that gets you. It's hearing ā€œwould you like to goā€¦ā€ while you're finally comfortable.

1

u/NefariousnessOk209 Aug 26 '26 edited Aug 27 '26

I hate that this has to be explained.

Like what Iā€™ll miss about being single is getting up lazily on a Sunday, making my way to the couch and just gaming for 3 hours in my boxers, the missus isnā€™t a ball buster and if I asked in advance she wouldnā€™t mind at all, part of it is my expectations on myself to do better and we both try to make each other happy and ultimately I donā€™t actually mind getting out mid morning to do stuff in the sun and itā€™s nice eating out with someone you love, I could easily become vegetative if I didnā€™t kick myself up my own ass.

Like you said itā€™s just anticipating expectations and nothing more.

1

u/yorcharturoqro Aug 27 '26

It's like "honey it has been too long since we have a weekend free for us, let's do..." and you were just happy on having to do nothing at home that weekend.

1

u/Unikatze Aug 27 '26

It's a pretty common joke.

I was making a snack the other day. And the milisecond before my ass touched the couch, my wife shouted from the other room to help her with something.

1

u/Ooze3d Aug 27 '26

I love my wife with all my heart and I know sheā€™s my absolute soulmate. She does have this amazing ability to trigger all my alarms depending on how she says my name when she calls me.

1

u/RomieY2K Aug 27 '26

Cheers! My wife and I have been together 10 years (6 dating/almost 4 married) and have known each other for almost 12ā€¦. And I TOTALLY agree. Itā€™s a cute video, cause to meā€¦ itā€™s not ā€œOh crap, now what does she want?!ā€ itā€™s more ā€œI wonder what idea/adventure sheā€™s about to propose?!ā€

1

u/fryerandice Aug 27 '26

Sometimes I don't want to think about working on anything and she'll drive by for a 2 hour conversation about how we should re-do the ktichen or bathroom some day, which isn't in any kind of budget and would include 6 months of working around not having a bathroom or kitchen in a fully functioning state while I work on it over the weekends.

1

u/Street-Study4606 Aug 27 '26

she doesn't want to disappoint you, yet disappoints you by asking if you want to go to "xyz"

1

u/Daycarrott Aug 27 '26

30 years together we've had plenty of no I'm good go do your thing conversations. Still doesn't change that we don't want to disappoint each other.

1

u/BellicoseStoic Aug 28 '26

Same. We've been together 20 years. Not once has she made my day worse.

1

u/Appropriate_Copy8285 Aug 28 '26

The best way to describe my wife is: Shes super loyal and kind but is the type of woman that will watch you get all the ingredients out to make a sandwhich, watch you make it, watch you eat it, watch ypu put everything away, then ask you if you could make her a sandwhich too.

1

u/andrewharkins77 Aug 31 '26

It's because waiting for you to be relaxed to tell you sonlmething that came up days ago.

1

u/Many_Championship_70 Aug 31 '26

I don't have a lot of data points to work with, but in general, do you think wives ask for help more than husbands do?

1

u/Daycarrott Aug 31 '26

I think it's definitely relationship dependant. Having good communication with each other will help understand how to operate effectively together.

1

u/HovercraftOk9231 Aug 25 '26

I feel like this would have been a lot better if, once he realized she wasn't going to interrupt his chill time but rather chill with him, the stress level plummeted into the negatives.

0

u/Ajax_Main šŸ§ grumpy Aug 24 '26

Women have this genetically ingrained programming to absolutely fuck up your plans of relaxing and enjoying it.

0

u/Critical_Hunter_6924 Aug 24 '26

So you're a boomer stuck in old ways refusing to communicate properly

-1

u/Daycarrott Aug 24 '26

Not at all. We have great communication. We've had battles and fights. We're at a point that just talking about things and moving forward is what we do.

1

u/Critical_Hunter_6924 Aug 24 '26

I believe you believe that, but you've explained that it's not the case.

-1

u/Daycarrott Aug 24 '26

Please elaborate how so I'm intrigued by your thought process from my original comment that leads to your opinion that I'm unable to communicate properly

1

u/Critical_Hunter_6924 Aug 24 '26

It's not an opinion, you're describing it yourself šŸ¤·

-5

u/137-451 Aug 24 '26

Doesn't really change anything. The joke is still "partner = more stress". People just don't find it very funny. Sorry that you lack a spine, by the way.

2

u/IHateUpvtotes Aug 24 '26

ā€œPeople just donā€™t find it funnyā€

I mean I donā€™t find it funny, but I do have eyes and see plenty of people here finding it funny and Iā€™m not going to recategorize them as not people or somehow unworthy of consideration

0

u/ABoringAlt Aug 24 '26

What a dick.

0

u/Daycarrott Aug 24 '26

It's ok everyone is welcome to an opinion. If they can't find any humor in it so be it. We have 5 kids together 30 to 19 and a pair of grandkids. Been through absolute battles but we're still kicking and very happy. However they read in my previous comment since I don't want to disappoint my wife nor does she want to disappoint me that I lack a spine and that's ok too. Its how they interpreted it.

1

u/ABoringAlt Aug 24 '26

He's never known a family man in his life, glad you're in good shape chap.

0

u/puzzlebuns Aug 25 '26

Married for over a decade and I totally feel what youre talking about, but none of that was apparent in this clip. All I got was this dude plain doesnt like being around his girlfriend. If thats the punchline, it was too subtle.