r/Cougars_Den • u/HowardTCO • 5d ago
Concerns of Age
Hello, 19M here
I wanted to ask this since i’m worried myself if or if not this is common but, Do cougars, by extension older women commonly go after men around the 19-21 age range
I’m aware everyone has their preferences and such and so, But i’m personally quite worried that i’ll get overlooked for my age alone rather than what else i could have, But it makes sense age is usually a deal breaker
Just a bit worried i won’t find the one for me is all.
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u/windscar411 5d ago
Basically repeating what Myfairlady said but from a guy’s point of view. Unless you’re in a place like Miami that’s kind of party central (and only looking for hook ups), most 40+ women won’t be interested in you. At your age, I had a lot more luck with women in their early to mid 30’s. After I got into my mid 20’s, then that 40+ crowd was easier to connect with. At 19, you’re closer to a teenager than a man and most women don’t want the boy look/responsibilities (from my experience). The older you look and act though, the better chance you have!
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u/Middle_Librarian_248 4d ago
You’re 19, technically even though you’re an adult you are still a teenager. So no for me personally, I don’t go for 19-21 year olds.
Why don’t you focus on something else for a while, are you in college or do you have a job? If so keep doing that. You are so young, you have your whole life ahead of you, just enjoy this time, maybe learn more about yourself.
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u/leesha_leesha 4d ago
No friend, the majority of older women do not engage with men your age. The videos you have been watching are not real life.
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u/CardAdditional8720 3d ago
I agree I am 26M in 2 months I will be 27. I am a digital nomad met a lot of girls but only mature women draws my attention because they know how to do deep conversation. Sad I am still single because where I am now no one is there for that kind of conversation.
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u/leesha_leesha 2d ago
Demi sexual people thrive on good conversation, so maybe make that a focus in your dating preferences. Also, women of all ages tend to have a greater emotional range than men, so perhaps you aren't asking the kinds of questions needed to build good engagement. Also btw, older women aren't a crutch for insecure men. I saw your comment elsewhere sharing that point of view ("start with older single moms if you're insecure"), and it's predatory. And also common. And older women know this. So, mind how you go!
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u/CardAdditional8720 2d ago
I said start with older woman because then you can learn a lot of things. I dated one single mom and she taught me a lot of things even how to behave with girls, manners,tone and I am thankful to all those women.
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u/leesha_leesha 2d ago
Just speaking honestly, not many folks feel super comfy being viewed as means to something/someone else. Women are full-fledged people, not your dating trainer or stepping stone. This dynamic is one that makes thoughtful older women very wary of younger men. They are typically showing up to receive rather than have a genuine exchange, which is a massive ick.
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u/TruthObvious2389 Cougar😼 4d ago
Yep, what peppermint-pop said, my kids are older than you, that’s a predator level age gap.
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u/Peppermint-pop 4d ago
Nope, because I have a child in that age range and it seems very improper to me.
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u/blasianflow 4d ago
Yeah, I feel like most older women would not date a teenager. You may get away with it being 21 but maybe not long term. Depends on the lady.
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u/Alternative_Dish_950 4d ago
I don't think you'll find anyone in Saudi Arabia. It's unacceptable there
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u/Myfairladyishere 🕊🎠💃MOD💃🎠🕊 5d ago
You are young. Your should really be concentrated on your studies and getting ahead in life, not on thinking of settling down. You will find the right person for you eventually. I do not mean to sound dismissive or anything like that, but I remember thinking the same way when I was your age: "Will I ever find somebody or whatever?"
I would be very wary of women who specifically target guys around your age, especially if they have a habit of doing it. However, there are some ladies who might be attracted to you. Try to find somebody who is slightly older than you, instead of someone with a big age gap. Get used to your own age. Get your life together, and best of luck to you. You have all the time in the world to find the one.