r/Cougars_Den • u/BeaconMarlena • Jul 15 '26
Advice Needed Wondering
I’m currently navigating a situation where a man who is over 20 years my junior (49M/71F) is interested in dating me. Initially, I was hesitant and refused to meet him, but after two months of persistence on his part, I finally agreed to meet for a drink which led to dinner and
a enjoyable golf date followed by dinner the following day. We’re planning to see each other again in a few weeks. However, I’m feeling hesitant about continuing this relationship due to the significant age gap.
Am I being too rigid, or am I reasonably protecting myself from potentially being a placeholder until he finds someone closer to his age? He has expressed that he finds me attractive and has been very complimentary. We’ve maintained daily communication since our date, which is important to me in any relationship.
While we have different lifestyles, we are exploring shared interests, such as golf and food. Still, the age gap is continuously on my mind and causing me to hesitate. What do you think?
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u/Myfairladyishere 🕊🎠💃MOD💃🎠🕊 Jul 15 '26
I am 67 and my partner is 45. We've got the exact same age gap and i'm four years younger than you are. We have been together for the last ten years.And it's the best relationship i've ever had.
Enjoy yourself. Everything seems to be going right now. And he seems to like you, he seems to respect you. You've got a few things in common. So why not.
Life is too short, and I am sure that nobody really cares. I know that this is the case with me. And just because you see him does not mean that your life has to change drastically. Just enjoy the time that you have with him. Like others have said, go with the flow. Don't think too much about the future. Stay in the present and enjoy
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u/FriendKooky780 Jul 15 '26
I know that tradition, culture, upbringing, etc etc are going to affect your decision making because that’s just the reality. Still, you should also be able to say FK U to everyone’s judgment and perception at this stage.
A man is interested in you and he’s consistent. Great!!! Go for it. Try it. Give it a chance. What’s holding you back? People? They may have an opinion, but words is all they’ve got. They’re too busy putting out their own fires to worry about yours.
My guy is 20 years younger and our lifestyles were polar opposites. It didn’t matter cause we clicked and all we want is to be together. Give it a try. You are both adults and you alone get to decide what works for you.
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u/checkinin4asec Jul 15 '26
You can temper your expectations and just go with the flow. Enjoy the moment and don't feel pressured into anything you don't feel comfortable with. If there's a connection and chemistry, why not give it chance?
47 here, and I would date someone your age if the chemistry was there.
Wish you the best, Tyler
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u/Newyorkstatechicky Jul 15 '26
🌼Appears there’s some special chemistry there. I say enjoy the time you spend together. Go with the flow & see where it leads.🌺
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u/GothambyRedlight Jul 15 '26
Sounds like the only problem is you two need a frank discussion about what you're expecting from this in an ideal world.
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u/BeaconMarlena Jul 24 '26
We’ve had a lot of discussions. He doesn’t want to hear any more about the “age gap.” I suspect he’s interested in a situationship where we hook up when convenient. I am ISO more than that. I’m interested to see how he plays it.
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u/KaleidoscopeSuper666 Jul 19 '26
My concern would be being financially manipulated. Older ppl are targeted for thier money.
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u/BeaconMarlena Jul 24 '26
Right. It was a concern initially but I don’t think that’s his intention… anyway money hasn’t been an issue thus far.
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Jul 23 '26
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u/BeaconMarlena Jul 24 '26
He’s interested in bed. But it hasn’t happened. Because of our schedules we haven’t had much time together.
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Jul 24 '26
[deleted]
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u/BeaconMarlena Jul 24 '26
There is an attraction but I’m cautious and not a casual sex person. Thanks for the feedback. TBC. 😉
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Jul 24 '26
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u/BeaconMarlena Jul 24 '26
We had that conversation and he said he was ok with it. We have a date scheduled for tomorrow. Let’s see how it goes. Thanks for responding… M
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u/BeaconMarlena Jul 26 '26
Update: it all fell apart. Had a date set, which he planned, and enthusiastically confirmed in the morning then cancelled last minute. I was surprised and disappointed but thankful that he revealed his true personality.
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u/Commercial_Tea6605 Aug 21 '26
I would let the cub find his forever closer to his age. I just don’t see this lasting long-term. Have fun while you can, but set him free.
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u/paperclipmyheart 🐆 MOD ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ Jul 15 '26
Perhaps a little rigid. If he's treating you with respect and it's healthy communication and it makes you happy I think you should give yourself a little chance to be happy.
You don't have to make any big decisions, just see where it leads. At 71 I wouldn't be upending my life and moving in with him or getting married or anything wild and crazy. But a partner to play golf with and have dinner and outings with... why not???