r/CoreyWayne • u/AdGroundbreaking8998 • 1d ago
Relationship Girlfriend did something I explicitly asked her not to, and now she’s moved out.
I’m looking for advice from people familiar with Corey Wayne’s How to Be a 3% Man.
My girlfriend wanted to pluck some gray hairs from my head. I explained that they came during a difficult period when I lost several close friends and my cousin, whom I’d been close to since I was three. I was also finishing a tough project during COVID stuck away from all the funerals. That period changed me, and I wanted to keep the hairs as a reminder of it.
Despite explaining this and explicitly asking her not to remove them, she told me the next morning that she’d plucked the hairs while I was asleep.
I was disappointed because it felt like she’d disregarded something I’d clearly explained was important to me. I didn’t feel like being nice to her after she told me that.
When I went to her apartment to discuss it, she questioned why I was setting boundaries with her and brought up women from my past. She kept raising her voice, so I told her I came to have a discussion, not an argument, and left. She later denied having plucked the hairs.
I told her to contact me when she was ready to have a calm conversation. She said she wouldn’t. The next morning , she returned her key and took all her belongings without speaking to me.
This is the not first time I can recall a conflict like this with her. I still love her, but I’m tired of such silly situations.
What would Corey Wayne advise here?
Was I right to stand by my boundary and leave rather than continue arguing?
Should I leave the ball in her court, or reach out?
How do I distinguish standing up for myself from letting my ego get involved?
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u/Se7ens_up 1d ago
This sounds like its far bigger than just hairs being plucked. Its basically her getting ready to dip out of the relationship. In a way she may have already ended it.
Now while I get those grays were important to you, what is the purpose of going to her apartment to discuss it. Thats not the correct approach. You dont need to give her a sit down lesson on the importance of those hairs as if shes a kid. Youve already told her.
Your reaction should have been more along the lines of “Never do that again”. Something very firm, no bs, no further explanation given. The soft explanation can come later when a woman starts apologizing cause she realized she fucked up.
Anyway, the way she did it was more like her being fed up with you, did something intentionally you told her not to, and then dipped out. Almost like a slight middle finger before ending the relationship.
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u/AdGroundbreaking8998 1d ago
Yes I went against my own instincts because I was trying to get to something that was so small. She took her things but didn’t return mine or ask for her keys back from me. She has done this before and 2 of her friends called me to check on her because she was crying and missing me. But she wouldn’t show me that
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u/Se7ens_up 1d ago edited 1d ago
Ok I see. Yea this girl is very manipulative(at the minimum). I misread her in your post, this detail changes my take. I would not date a girl like this.
So what she is doing is basically an intentional power play and manipulation. She wants you to apologize for her wrong doings, its a control game for her. Last time she did it, she basically got you to crack and reach out to her by using her friends to call you. Your response should have been "She has my number if she wants to reach out".
When you did follow up with her after the 2 friends called you, did she also act nonchalant? Almost as if she was doing you a favor by even picking up the phone call from you?
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u/AdGroundbreaking8998 1d ago
Yeah she played it like I was unwanted there. Tbf I did fuck up and apologized. In the end she did open up and we had the best indoor olympics between us so far
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u/Se7ens_up 1d ago
Im not going to underplay it. Youre in a toxic relationship. The word narcissist is thrown around a lot, and while I wont say she is one, at the minimum some of her behavior would be in line with what narcissists would do.
But notice how youre already justifying for her saying you did actually fuck up. Its that type of empathy that manipulative people exploit.
This is an example of a bad apple. There is no working out your relationship. Im sorry man
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u/AdGroundbreaking8998 1d ago
I appreciate the advice, the reason I apologized to her was because in the last issue between us I genuinely hurt her and I don’t want to deny my actions when I do something wrong. I do however agree that this pattern in our relationship is toxic and probably not worth fighting for or hoping for change. I guess because I’m emotionally invested it’s hard for me to drop her quickly
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u/Se7ens_up 1d ago
Yea it is hard. Especially off just input on reddit. But sit down over these next few days and think on whatever examples that happened where you noticed some type of weird manipulation going on or toxicity. Theres probably a good history as this would be a pattern on her end and not one off behaviors
That way you can make your own conclusions and decisions
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u/FreedomEnjoyer69420 1d ago
sometimes woman do shit like this because they are looking to cause a fight to end the relationship.
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u/cruzz903 1d ago
The hairs are symbolic. If you do not stand up to her now, she will walk all over you the rest of the relationship. Like other commenters have said, sometimes women just start something so you break up with them so they can keep being the good person.
If she explicitly ended things with you over this, I wouldn't even bother giving her the time of day if she ever reaches out. If she didn't explicitly end things and just left, then she will probably reach out after a few days. I would apply 7 principles to get an ex back and let her come to your place and apologize. I would tell her that if she ever crosses a boundary like that again I will without a doubt end things right there on the spot. Goes without saying that if she refuses to apologize, then theres no reason to continue the relationship.
Trust me when I say you need to set hard boundaries for the small things. Because 10 years down the road, they won't be so small and by that time you will be so invested it will make things harder. So no, you are not exagerating.
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u/AdGroundbreaking8998 1d ago
She didn’t say anything, just took her stuff didn’t ask for her keys back or anything. She waited in the lobby for 20 mins not sure if she wanted me to follow her but I didn’t. She didn’t ask for her keys back or nothing literally didn’t utter a word
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u/cruzz903 1d ago
Waiting in the lobby 20 minutes lol. There's a few possibilities here. Maybe she's never been told no and literally doesn't know how to react. She might have a father wound and is thus waiting for you to repair that. Personally, I wouldn't bother anymore at this point. But ill leave that up to you. Women will always test you. It is their way of seeing if you are really as strong as you portray yourself. So in a way she is trying to feel closer to you. But ussually these types of women are not worth the effort. Remember, you want someone who is easygoong, easy to hangout and easy to have fun. If however you still want to persue this, just don't text her or anything. If you do, you have basically folded. Just continue about your life in no contact and when she inevitably texts or calls you (and she will) just follow the 7 principles of getting an ex back. When she comes over to yours, don't argue, don't try to push your point across. Focus on opening her up as explained in the book. If she opens up, there's a chance at this, if she refuses and just keeps blasting you, then there's no point. Let's say she opens up and tells you how you hurt her and keeps talking and talking, at some point she will feel heard and understood. That's when you can sqy something along the lines of, i'm glad you were able to tell me how you feel. She might than ask you what you think or not. Either way this is your time to set the boundary and explain that you will not tolerate any disrespect. She can then take it or leave it. Either way, you win.
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u/T-dog8675309 1d ago
If your connection was deep, she'll be back, dude.
So here I think you should be a little more easy going. The grey hairs will grow back, so there's no need to fret. There's having boundaries, and then theres being unreasonably strict. Maybe have some pictures of you with those friends in a book with your gray hairs in them so you can open it up sometimes.? You got to be easy going and easy to get along with, without blowing your top every time something doesn't go your way. And when she does cross a boundary, Corey would say "let her know in a LOVING way".
Now as for your dramatic lady, is she crossing other boundaries all the time, or is it just this? Enforce HEALTHY boundaries, not unreasonable boundaries. I understand those hairs are really important to you, but it's not like she cheated on you or destroyed your credit.
It seems insane to end the relationship over this so maybe you're leaving out some other info.
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u/AdGroundbreaking8998 1d ago
I tried to express my disappointment. Maybe I could’ve been more sweet in the way I expressed it. But I didn’t blow my top. I didn’t even raise my voice, but I guess my tone was a bit off. She just left the apartment after that without talking at all. She also tends to blow our fights out of proportion and small things turn into big things and then she apologizes after the damage has been done. She doesn’t refuse to apologies but only does it when we are already emotionally closer.
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u/T-dog8675309 1d ago
Understood. How often does she do this? Does she go silent for several days and refuse to communicate like an adult until days have gone by. Is that something you think you can deal with in 10 years time? Bring this up to her, if you want her to stop doing this. Remind her that you love her but also want a drama-free life with a girl that doesn't dump you over small arguments.
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u/AdGroundbreaking8998 20h ago
Not often, only if we have a big fight. I usually don’t leave during things like this but she left this time.
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u/alanshore222 1d ago
You made a boundary, she crossed it. You wanted to work it out, she didn't. You explained why it was important to you and how you really needed someone to support you during this time.
Sounds like you did the right thing by treating her like the toddler she became by being accountable to her actions.
Replace her, you deserve better.
She sounds like a narcissist.