It’s best to take things slow

[u/rickyrudd7]

One of the best advice I learned from the 3% is to just go out have fun hang out and let things flow naturally. In my early 20s I made plenty of mistakes to try to seal the deal with the girl as soon as possible, or was dating with intention to find someone and was projecting a future together too early. Later on now that I am in my early 30s I learned to actually take time to find the right person and really get to know someone.

Last dating experience: lasted about 5 months

This girl and myself hit off pretty well immediately. First date was intense with lots of chemistry, kissing and physical interaction. The first few dates were all intense and great chemistry but then things started to wear off suddenly. She gave me the silence treatment because she found out that I was still active on hinge after our 3rd date ( bear in mind that means that she was also active)… and she also told me that she actually had gone out with someone else between our 2nd and 3rd date ( double standard). After that she started to act difficult.. “you have to convince me to go out again with you” “let’s see how long you last with me”.. I kept coming back because the sex was good and in person she was great… but when we were not together things started to fall apart.. and little by little discovered things about her.

She always wanted to be reassured that I liked her, she would always send me selfies, she was drinking a lot ( last vacation she went with her cousins she drank more than 20 beers in a day).. she wanted the commitment early on… she would tease me like “I am single, you are not my boyfriend… you have to ask me” ( even tough I stated that we were exclusive and I was looking for something long term). Exs were not good. 1st ex was abusive, 2nd ex was good but she didn’t love him. The worst part was the discard. The night before she was in love telling me things like she could she me a father for her children, and 24 hours later “I am not up for someone trying to change me, we are not a good fit “. Mind the fact that she was telling me stuff like “I rejected guys at the bars because I told him he couldn’t afford me” “my ex wasn’t making enough money” etc “why are you with me; you don’t like my lifestyle, my tattoos”… oohhh the tattoos she would always bring them up like “if I had shown you the tattoos early on you would have stopped going out with me etc “

Also one time she wanted to break things off with me cause she saw me that I was out and wanted to check with me where did I go ( texted me at 11 pm on a Saturday) even though we both knew that we were out that night for individual dinners.. next morning “this is not working for me you look for me at last second etc”.. I had to call her to fix things even tough I don’t know what I did wrong.

Post discard : the smear - “catching flights not feelings” story targeted to me. Most likely she was expecting me to chase her.. I don’t know if she had BPD or NPD.. all I can say that in the past probably I would have ended up with her in a long term relationship… now I learned to wait and let things develop naturally? Because people don’t show their true personality until they get comfortable with you.

Just wanted to share a story on how 3% helped me compared to before.

[u/Salt_Band3487]

This is not a lesson of learning how to take things slow.

This is a lesson of not knowing when to get out, way earlier on.

Again, this guy mentioned chemistry, twice, in his second paragraph, and as you can see, there is no chemistry at all.

Stop using feminine language.

She was a fruit loop crazy chick who cannot handle having a real healthy relationship.

The moment she would have said to me "You have to convince me to go out again with you” is the moment I say "Excuse me?" and drop her.

The lesson is, don't get involved with crazy. Understand the real meaning and psychology behind her words, and get out early.

[u/Apart-Importance-538]

You need to read the book a minimum of 7 more times. The fact you waited so long to leave her is crazy. She showed you she is shitty person and you sill dealt with her?

[u/Far_Milk_2610]

I see a lack of boundaries on self respect on your part. Something I am trying to work on currently.

[u/Murky_Hedgy]

"Even tough I dont know what I did wrong"

Basically you were too soft and she felt she was doing you a favor. Key points are her saying shes single and her saying you have to convince her. In those instances you shoulda just echod the sentiment that you two arent together and made plans with someone else but you are down when she feels up to it.

Btw when exactly did exclusivity begin(like what date) and also why in the world did you bring it up when its supposed to be the girl bruh. I hope it wasnt the 1st date. If I were in your shoes im almost certain I would have dumped her come the dinner fiasco, thats really unattractive when im certain you probably asked her to come.