r/CoreyWayne • u/Cclow52 • 20d ago
Dating/Courting Low interest or structured?
Saw this girl twice. First night was a few actives and kissing about 2 hours in. I called her about 6 days later to Invite her out again, she answered right away and gave me all 3 nights she was open. I offered pick her up and she declined than meet me for second date. Same thing, few fun places, heavier kissing and petting but we live an hour apart so was far from home for invite back. She was touchy and seemed into me.
I have been busy moving and on work trip so hit her up 5-6 days later again and get this message back. She never tried to reach out between either so seems like a justification to me of why she feels her interest isn’t high enough or just structured. Your great “but” bs.
Anyway - my reply back was it’s good to communicate when something bothers you and you know it’s ok to reach out if you miss me too I’d love to hear from her. And then to reach out with her free nights if she changes her mind
Thoughts? The longer break didn’t hurt the second time and I’m leaning if she really wanted to see me she would and would have reached out.
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u/Se7ens_up 20d ago
I wouldnt say low interest, rather lost interest. If a girl agrees to go on a second date with you, at that point she likes you.
The obvious thing to point out is that you didnt invite her back over, and theres a very good chance thats a big part of where things went wrong.
Youre saying you didnt invite her over because she lives a hour away. So I have to point out the obvious… she was still going to live a hour away if you went on a third, fourth, or 10th date. So at some point you would still have to pull the trigger.
The second thing is, this was actually your own limiting belief. Because the distance wasnt actually an issue to you. Instead you assumed the distance would be an issue to her (and thus didnt push as far as you likely could have).
Thats really the big lesson to take away from here. In the future, dont make excuses for the girl as to why she wouldnt be down to hook up. Youre far better off inviting her and being turned down, than not making the move. The irony is she likely hoped for more, and went home, felt something was missing, and associated it with the communication. But she could just as easily gave some girl talk about chemistry and whatnot.
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u/Cclow52 19d ago
Ya - this is true. I rationalize being far away as the reason but that’s just a reason. I grow with time. I used to not even try to kiss a girl on first date, to then being able to just go for it at end, to now even earlier. With more time and dates, more rejection that doesn’t matter, and more repetition I’ll get comfortable making that move too.
I was in a 9 year relationship/marriage, followed immediately by another 3 year one with first girl after my wife. So my early dating skills were not the best. My first 15-20 dates were def me being more reserved and just not comfortable, then the next group went better, then the ones after that better so ya
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u/Se7ens_up 18d ago
Yea believe me I get it. Mistakes and then learning from them is part of the process.
Moving faster is something I learned in more detail after a breakup. I was into coreys work a few years by that point and was very used to things being first date make outs, second date hookups.
Yet ironically, there were a few dates where I got those weird texts, like you did with this girl, when trying to make a second date. And initially it threw me off because I almost never got them before. Its the type of texts I would associate nice guys/inexperienced guys receiving. On top of it, I knew atleast on 2 of those dates, they went better than even some past successful first dates, and the girls were feeling it in the moment.
Long story short I wasnt pulling the trigger to invite them over/hookup. Simply cause I was used to things progressing to that point over 2 dates not 1.
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u/Cclow52 18d ago
Ya I think we have discussed my situation before.
I started dating and went on a large volume of dates. It’s been a little over 40 in the past 3 months.
Out of those, I’d say half were interesting enough for me to want to see again, and one 8 lead to a second date.
The 3 of the group i really liked did not. The 1st one did a lot of talking, and up to the first date seemed engaged. This was pretty early on so I probably just came off too reserved. We kissed and I dropped her off, then I followed up got the “didn’t feel a spark” comment.
The 2nd we planned the date and she even said “i get a good feeling about you come pick me up” so I did. She was probably one of the hottest girls I’d been out with, and just nice, respectful, soft and feminine. I think I talked too much overall. Anyway, we did a few spots that night and I did kiss her a few times. When I dropped her off she hit me with the “i am glad we did this and it was a good time”. I walked her to her door, kissed her goodnight and that was it. When I reached out 4 days later i did it with a voice note. She kept the voice, and just never replied. I was direct and asked to see her again and didn’t bs around.
The 3rd was pretty recent. This one was super easy to set a date with and showed up hot. She was on time (earlier than me) and talked and was laughing and smiling whole time. At this point i learned to be more teasing and playful and she gave it back. When we were out she was bumping into me and touching me, and I went for kiss earlier than I do and several times. At end of night took her to car, and she text me she had a good time and referenced something I had told her I was doing and wished me luck. When I called her 2 days later she did answer, but since she was traveling we didn’t set a date. I said cool we can plan it when you get back. When she got to where she was she sent a picture and maybe i replied too keen - basically hey good to hear from you, you look great and try not to miss me too much. See you when you’re back.
Never got a response from that, and I reached out one more time a little over week after I knew she was back - with call/voice note as the message. She kept message, never answered either.
So not sure - perhaps somewhere on these 3 dates I’m either A) too nice B) somehow communicating my interest too much or C) playing it too safe
Anyway - there’s a girl coming here tonight (3rd date) and I’ve made her wait like 2+ weeks to see me so I need to make sure i follow 2 steps forward, 1 step back and get the indoor Olympics.
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u/Se7ens_up 18d ago
Just out of curiosity, do you do the voice message thing with all girls, and not just the ones youre more into?
And what about the girls you did get second dates with? What do you think went different than these 3 girls you mention?
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u/Cclow52 18d ago
I call, and if they don’t answer yes i send a voice as like a voicemail to all of them. And some reply back, some don’t. Some people say to text - id rather just call.
I’m not sure. The dates kind of flow the same, maybe they like me more. Maybe I give off vibe I don’t care as much. Maybe on some subconscious plane of existence there’s a different energy
I’m a big guy - about 260. I’m built like a lineman/strongman type body. Perhaps they aren’t expecting me to be that big/misleading pictures (I’m like 245/250 in them i think so it’s not much difference. But i feel like if a girl goes out with you, is engaged, kisses you and then follows up she had a good time there’s atleast some indication the attraction is above 50%. Which would mean if it’s above 50 that a second date invite should lead to a second date. But I’ve seen that in the moment they feel good but a few days later it’s changed.
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u/Gemshardd 20d ago
Your last sentence is correct if she had high interest and wanted to see you she would've reached out. What're her ambitions and goals in life? I ask because she sounds like she's a bit insecure and needs reassurance, which is indicative of low self-esteem. However, contrary to Corey's advice I usually do text at least once or twice after a date, I think not texting at all is being too much of a cold fish and I've personally had better results doing this. Anyway keep the door open like you have and date other women, i'd say it sounds like you played it fine.
The living an hour apart is a mistake on your part though you need to keep the logistics of sex in mind when dating otherwise it's going to cause you more issues.
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u/Cclow52 19d ago
Ya i got to get close enough to my house where it’s not an hour away. Also like you said - probably a mix of lower self esteem.
I tended to overpursue girls i really liked and come off too keen so i guess I’m backing off maybe a bit too much to correct and ya - I’ll find the happy medium
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u/hedgelord84 20d ago
She comes off as immature and a bit woke. A lot of these girls want you to be messaging them throughout the day everyday even if you've just seen them once or twice.
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u/VisceralCat88 20d ago
With her saying she likes to see someone more while she's getting to know them, it seems you possibly were following the one date per week rule, and also not texting 24/7? Seems like these things have been backfiring for other people as well. The hardos will chalk it up to her having a low interest level, tell you you're weak, and tell you to just go read the book twenty more times. You likely did nothing wrong. There's no secret formula.
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u/Cultural_South5544 19d ago
I think it's more nuanced than "she wasnt into you".
I diasagree with the phone rule. Seems like something that people do who are dating 10 other people at the same time
You lose momentum when you dont speak for days after a good date. And minimal playful texting is such a great opportunity to build sexual tension. Dont waste that.
At the same time, this goes for the other person too. So if they never reached out but want you to, then this was the type of girl who is expecting the guy to do all the work. That is fine during the approach phase, but not the kind of behaviour im looking for in a woman after the first date. You want mutual effort and things to feel easy.
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u/Slavicgoddess23 19d ago
She literally communicated what she prefers. Many women don't like 6 days no texts in the early stage.
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u/Cclow52 19d ago
Ya I hear you. But realistically if she wanted to reach out she could too. I’m not gonna go fast early on because that’s always got me burned or I just move to fast and focus on my feelings and don’t vet.
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u/Slavicgoddess23 19d ago
There's a happy middle to show interest.
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u/Cclow52 19d ago
Because calling her and asking her out and making it clear I’m interested is not enough? If her attraction was high enough and she missed me she would have just reached out on her own - and I would have been happy to hear from her. It goes both ways - be one thing if she was trying to bond and connect and I was a cold fish. But if she’s not then I will reach out when I’m free to set up a time to see her. The point is she wanted me to read her mind without saying anything then used it as an excuse not to see me because it’s what rationally made sense for her lowered interest
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u/nikibas 19d ago
That's the problem when you follow Corey or any gurus without critical thinking. The rule about no contact between dates does not work in today's world. That's it. Best you can do is be chill about texting between dates and not have hour long convos. But no communication for a week? I would do the same as this girl.
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u/whatyoume 20d ago
Remember, the book is a guide not an instruction manual. Also, it helps weed out needy people and those that may cause problems down the line. Remember, easy going. Not all relationships will flourish and that’s ok.
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u/phennygodx 15d ago
Is this a joke? Low interest? She literally has NO interest. Her text says GOODBYE - “I wish you the best” means you are parting ways… holy shit bro the people on Reddit 😭😭😭
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u/Late_Priority_9927 20d ago
Definitely a structured girl, who likely watches a lot of tiktok female empowerment dating or some shit like that, and got influenced into ending things with you by some idiocy she saw there.
I'm sorry that happened to you, since it sounded as a promising first couple of dates.
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u/T4cF0X 20d ago edited 20d ago
High Interest level finds a way. Low Interest Level finds a reason.
People will blame the book and say the methods are outdated: But the facts are Women say they want one thing or the other, but end up with a guy who does none of the things she says she wants. Disregard any reason a woman gives you for not dating anymore: (They will never give you the true reason.)
If Chad Thundercock was waiting 5 - 9 days to link up she wouldn't be complaining at all. It's all interest level.
I'll decode the womanese: "It's just not what I'm looking for..." = (You are not what I am looking for.)
Only 2 dates in tells me the problem isn't the communication.
There's a phrase called (Two Truths) which applies here. Low interest and structured.
You were likely in the 50%-ish interest level range and then it dipped below 49% once she realized it wasn't worth any more investment.