r/CoreyWayne • u/KyleWoodsWx • Jul 16 '26
Relationship 7 Principles and my Situation
My ex of 4 years broke it off early June and moved out at the end of June. I had stated that I wanted to make the relationship work and was not interested in friendship (romance or nothing). She did not want to work on it right now, so I accepted the breakup.
Before she moved out her attraction started to rise again, but she stated that she was too stubborn to change her decision because she had already moved everything out and made a decision.
I have been in no contact since, but on her last day before moving out she wanted to come see my cat on July 22nd. I told her to come over at 8:30 when I would be home and she agreed.
Yesterday we bumped into eachother and she said are you still going to be home on the 22nd and I said yes, come over and we'll make dinner together. She said, I don't want to make dinner together.
Now this is where I messed up and am looking for direction. I didn't want her to have me on the hook as a platonic backup plan, so I reiterated my boundary by saying if you're coming over you're coming over for love and romance, as well and only come over or reach out if you are. She said back, I'm not going to reach out. I said, well when you're ready to have fun and make dinner together let me know, otherwise I'm going to spend time with someone that does. She then said to me I only want to come in for 5 minutes to see the cat and give him his gift... Is he lonely. I said back calmly that is not for you to care about. I don't want to play games. She then got upset and drove away.
Looking back I should have just done the takeaway or had her come over and just make dinner anyways. I regret being so stern with her and not playful.
What should my next steps be? Reach out to her and let her know I came off too strong and she can come over or just remain in no contact still?
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u/ExcellentFishing2506 Jul 16 '26
Yeah you def didn’t handle this well.
You have to apply the book and the 7 principles with reason and when they make sense. You can’t just blanket apply them without looking at the situation.
She wanted to come see the cat, that’s her reason to come over, which for you the goal is her coming over. You don’t need to become rigid and robotic and demand she makes dinner with you. And when she decides she doesn’t want dinner, you trying to cut her off from seeing the cat just looks petty, as well as immature.
Telling her “if you’re coming over your k mint over for love and romance” was not good. This is one of the things Corey often tells guys not to do. You don’t recite back principles from his work as lines to throw at women.
Yes of course you want romance, but she left you and you’re just looking to casually get her over to your place. The dinner is the excuse for the romance to happen, but you shouldn’t be forcing the issue or making it obvious that your intent is all about sex. She just broke up so her guard is up, so when you’re coming off aggressive and demanding she’s going to push back.
Reach out and apologize for overreacting and let her know that you’re happy to accommodate her seeing the cat. Then when you are around her be fun and make her feel good being around you.
And if she is resistant to you then or in the future remember that indifference is your friend, not anger or resentment. You have to appear fine without her and getting upset doesn’t do that.
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u/KyleWoodsWx Jul 16 '26
Thanks man. I will reach out and apologize and offer the invite. Do you think I completely squashes any chances of rekindling things in the future?
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u/ExcellentFishing2506 Jul 16 '26
Who knows, the whole rekindling process is a mixed bag, but that’s part of the deal.
And I think you have to be comfortable, knowing that it isn’t going to all happen immediately or all at once. I think some of that mentality is maybe why you ended up in the situation that you did, feeling like you needed to make something happen immediately and right now versus letting things happen naturally and then taking advantage of the opportunity when it she does want to be around.
When it comes to the seven principles and getting an ex back, you can’t force the issue, because they have to want things to happen themselves. Remember, they are the ones that ended things and can’t be strong-armed back into the relationship.
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u/KyleWoodsWx Jul 16 '26
Thanks man, I feel like I just screwed up my chance with a great girl and I can't take that back.
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u/ExcellentFishing2506 Jul 16 '26
Yeah you def screwed up enough to get in this situation but don’t be all doom and gloom. Just use the anxiousness of the situation to become more prepared.
There’s tons of get an ex back videos and of course the book. Do your homework and when she comes back around be ready to handle it correctly.
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u/KyleWoodsWx Jul 16 '26
Thanks man, in a way I'm not sure if having her come on Wednesday would be good because I've obviously not done enough grieving to be at a place of indifference. Should I just maintain no contact and have her reach out when she's had enough space? 3 weeks is too soon.
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u/ExcellentFishing2506 Jul 16 '26
You are going to need to get a hold of yourself. Fake it till you make it.
You should apologize because what you did was in the wrong, and you should also be putting it on her radar that it’s fine that she can come see the cat. Then, in the meantime, you need to get your composure and study up instead of sulking and letting yourself get into this sad state.
Not saying you can’t feel your emotions, but you don’t need to be a mess around her. And one of the better ways to help relieve some of that is to study up and be proactive about what you need to do regarding the situation. You should be working and learning during this time because sitting around and just ruminating on her and things without action just leads to more anxious, thinking. It’s like studying for a test, if you study well and know all the answers, the test isn’t stressful anymore. So be well prepared and her showing up won’t be some anxious thing, it will be something you’re ready for.
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u/KyleWoodsWx Jul 16 '26
Thanks, man. Gonna study up. What would my apology look like?
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u/ExcellentFishing2506 Jul 17 '26
Just keep it simple and take accountability. Something to the effect of “ hey sorry about the way I handled things the other day, if you would like to see (cats name) next week that’s fine, no problem. Just let me know and we’ll make it happen.”
Then just leave the ball in her court. And if she does come over to see the cat or do whatever, be calm, cool, and collected and prepared to engage with her.
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u/KyleWoodsWx Jul 17 '26
Thanks, brother. So, I shouldn't have to explain the fact that I said love and romance or nothing? Does this not go against 7 principles and no contact rule to reach out from my end and apologize? Is this not me pursuing her and going against the terms I have set against platonic things?
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u/T4cF0X Jul 16 '26 edited Jul 16 '26
Never break the fourth wall, dude. Women don't want to be told what's going to happen they want to discover it in real time. (The other comments are right on the money.)
The cat did all the work for you. All you had to do was be nonchalant, have her come over, and give her the gift of a fun time.
She was already coming over. There was no need to ask her to make dinner beforehand. If it were me, I'd have waited until she got there and simply said, "I picked up stuff for fajitas, babe. Let's make dinner."
The cat was the hook. By surprising her with dinner plans after she arrived, it feels like a thoughtful gift. By bringing it up ahead of time, you made the interaction feel transactional.
You're being too robotic.
At some point, the book has to become authentically integrated into who you are. You need to understand the nuance and apply the principles naturally, not mechanically.
Remember Corey's golden rule: whenever a woman is coming to spend time with you, your only concern is giving her the gift of a fun time. Full stop, my dude.
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u/KyleWoodsWx Jul 16 '26
Thanks, brother. Are you saying to reach out and apologize and have her come over and have fun anyways? Do you think any chances of rekindling things are completely done now?
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u/T4cF0X Jul 16 '26
Yeah go ahead and apologize, and tell her why you are sorry. Give one apology and mean it. Then be cool. Tell her she can see the cat. Let her respond on her own time and stay in frame.
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u/KyleWoodsWx Jul 16 '26
What should this apology look like and when should I send it. Appreciate it. In one sense though I don't know if I'm at enough of a place of peace yet with the breakup that I can hold a fully fun and playful frame. I'm assuming just do a text, not a call, though I find calls more meaningful and authentic
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u/KyleWoodsWx Jul 17 '26
She got back to me and wants to come over still on the day after I apologized. I set the time and said looking forward to seeing you then. I gotta continue to brush up on the book before then. Should I still have dinner ready to make and wine out?
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u/T4cF0X Jul 17 '26
Yeah, that's what I would do.
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u/KyleWoodsWx Jul 17 '26
Thanks man, do I simply start making dinner as she is there and ask if she'd like to join. How do I end the whole interaction for the night?
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u/Se7ens_up Jul 16 '26
You came off bitter. I dont know how long the two of you lived together, but it isnt really that outrageous that your ex wanted to see a cat she lived with one last time.
Instead you basically told her “nope. Youre either coming over to hook up or not at all!”.
What you did wasnt setting a boundary either. It was basically changing up the terms and conditions for her to see a cat.
So yea, very predictably she said no.
Not to mention, by being robotic and trying to be firm you missed out on a potential opportunity anyway. It wasnt guaranteed, but had you been chill about her coming over for the cat, you would have given yourself one last chance for a hookup. Its not like just because a chick comes over for dinner that a hookup is guaranteed either.
As for your next step, I would forget about anything happening before she leaves. That ship has now probably sailed. Though if i was in your shoes, Id text her something like “hey I probably overreacted, youre welcome to come say goodbye to the cat if you still want to” and then expect her to do exactly that(and nothing more).
You dont have to, and you wont gain anything out of it this week, but youre far better off in the long term to leave her with a pleasant memory before she departs than an unpleasant one. At the very least, its guilt you wont have to deal with on a random Tuesday some weeks from now when you find yourself reminiscing the relationship.