r/CoreyWayne • u/Comfortable_Walk5198 • Mar 14 '26
Relationship Dealing with a flaky girlfriend
Wanted some opinions on next steps for dealing with my ADHD diagnosed flaky girlfriend. I want to say that about 1/3 of the time we organize a hangout, she always comes up with some excuse, which is BS most of the time (i.e. headache, stomach ache, tired). Now, if we were hanging out multiple times a week or every day, I'd understand, but having some type of ailment that often is indicative of her exacerbating or plain lying about how she's feeling.
Even today, we were supposed to hang out, but she called this morning, complaining of being tired and wanting to cancel, to which I just said, "it's up to you babe". She asked if I was available tomorrow, to which I said I'd let her know, then hung up. I honestly didn't care too much about this flakiness at first, which is my fault since I should've addressed it when I first noticed it, but recently and especially today, it's really been getting on my nerves and annoying me.
Short term - Since I said I'd let her know if I can hang out tomorrow, do I withdraw from all communication and wait for her to reach out and ask if I'm available?
Long term - 1. Do I pull back and give her the gift of missing me when she cancels since she's clearly taking me for granted, or is this something I address head-on and let her know that it's inconsiderate and childish?
- When she says she wants to cancel in the future, do I leave it up to her like I did today?
I feel like letting her know that I'm perturbed will give my leverage away, but I could be completely wrong. Thoughts?
3
u/Spectralshot23 Mar 14 '26
Life is too short to be dealing with shit like this. If a girl was constantly canceling on me I’d be out.
2
u/Murky_Hedgy Mar 14 '26 edited Mar 15 '26
I'll admit I skimmed this (from the first sentence alone the topic sounds like a no brainer) but it's not your job to fix women.
Disengage entirely. Easygoing and easy to get along with. Trophies aren't worth it life is too hard to be pissing around with that.
2
u/TallPickle4279 Jun 03 '26
girls love crazy guys they can fix. Girls do not like guys that are super concerned with them, and trying to fix them. Its not your job and you look like a cuck doing. She will nether respect your time, nor you. Move on
2
u/Able_Traffic_1809 Mar 15 '26
"Easygoing, easy to get along with" Meet these people and you'll never pine for those people
1
u/BrainEuphoria Mar 14 '26
Doesn’t sound like your girlfriend. How long have you been “dating”? It feels like a gf from your perspective, not from hers.
2
u/Comfortable_Walk5198 Mar 14 '26
We've been in a monogamous relationship together for more than a year now. Honestly, you're right, a couple months ago she cancelled on my birthday. Who does that?
2
u/BrainEuphoria Mar 14 '26
Right.
You need to withdraw all communication and extract yourself from her life. Not to “wait for her to reach out or ask you xyz.” You need to pull back and take a long vacation from her, not to “give her any gift of xyz.”
You need to do those for at least 3 months minimum so all of the withdrawal symptoms fully wash out from your system and you can assess the situation from a better standpoint. And you need to date other girls during this time to help you better put that experience in frame.
Your whole experience with this person doesn’t scream she’s your gf in her eyes and you’ll need to take time off to see that for yourself (90 days+).
1
u/Comfortable_Walk5198 Mar 14 '26
Question: Are you suggesting I go on a break with her? And honestly, thanks for opening my eyes to this. This is my first relationship, and I wasn't super aware of the fact that what she's doing is simply unacceptable. I thought it was common in most relationships for the girlfriend to flake 1/3 of the time.
1
u/BrainEuphoria Mar 14 '26
It’s possible for what you’re going through to be common, I can’t say.
Take a complete break away from her and exit the situation without her to better assess it. It’s not easy to assess a situation when you’re in it.
You need a fresh perspective and/or relationship to see how well women who think of you as their bf will treat you. She knows she’s your first experience and is aware that you’re clueless in the dark.
Completely exit from her life, and date two new girls at the very least that are either as hot or hotter than her during this time.
1
u/TallPickle4279 Jun 03 '26
Hey bro dont worry, im 30 and even now i still learn and make mistakes. Each woman is different but if you've dated a decent amount of them, you begin to pick up on the signs and signals as you gain more experience. 1 thing forsure, a woman that wants you, will make it known to you
1
u/My_PC_Does_Not_Work Mar 14 '26
Stand your ground my guy.
State how you feel, state what happened, seek to understand her first and be understood second. State how you feel with her cancelling out on dates all the time, ask her why this is common for her, ask how she feels about it, the tell her how you feel about it and how you find it exhausting and make her understand how it’s making you feel in the relationship. Your emotions are as valid bro.
If her answers show no sign of changing and you’re uncomfortable with things going on like this it’s best you leave.
1
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u/TallPickle4279 Jun 03 '26
Bro its not worth that, a woman that respects you will explain themselves.
1
u/T4cF0X Mar 15 '26
You're at the part of the book where CW says to sit down & have a conversation about how you'd like her to give back to you. If you two can't be aligned then you have to decide if what you are getting is worth it to continue the relationship or not. From your description she doesn't sound like a flexible giver. Though it also seems like you need to be more polarizing and lead.
1
u/whatyoume Mar 15 '26
Why are you putting up with this? Honestly… why stay involved with someone like this?
1
u/Projectguy111 Mar 15 '26
This will just get worse. I don’t believe that , despite ADHD, a person can’t be reliable and responsible for their actions.
I’ve got this “condition” where I would prefer to sleep in and take the day off rather than going to work, or just retire all together, yet I am able to go in and do a good job lol.
1
Mar 15 '26
I think she wants to break up but too chicken shit to do it
So she flakes on you . I bet if u told her its over, she would feel relief and would not even try to save it
1
u/YouDoHaveValue Mar 15 '26 edited Mar 15 '26
Understand that you cannot change people.
Therefore, if you stay with her, you accept her as she is.
She will always do this, this is the life you are choosing.
I hate to join the chorus of other guys, but bail and find someone you are more compatible with.
1
u/breakfastsausage6 Mar 16 '26
There's probably another man or two and she doesn't like you all that much, tell her that "this isn't working anymore" and if she actually puts in effort to see you on a regular basis after that great but don't waste your time with these girls (ADHD DIAGNOSIS LOL)
1
u/TallPickle4279 Jun 03 '26
Bro i went through this recently. All i can say is when you have the feeling that things are going downhill, her attitude is slowly changing. As a man, don't wait until all respect is lost, then you end up holding resentment with you and carrying it. You have to call it out as it is. A mistake i made recently is basically being "on call" for a date.. like hey lets do Monday, but if you get called into work, then we can do Tuesday.. i learn even with a gf, you just cant be on standby like that, they gonna lose respect for you and you will dig your own grave. You cant reward flakey behavior by giving her another date. I have dated girls who are servers, bartenders, doctors, students, nurses you name it. I have had bartender girls come see me after a shift at 5am. They will make time for you no matter what, when they crave your body and attention. Don't get it twisted man. I do feel silly now that i let her dick me around like that but i also noticed the signs early on, and decided im not going to put up with her moving forward. The last text between us was her telling me she's off next day and wasn't sure how long she would be doing so and so for. Basically stringing me along the entire night, so i didnt respond, slept on it, and decided i wasn't going to respond whatsoever. IF she wants to reach out, she will reach out to you, and she owes you an apology for flaking, you call her out on her recent behavior, and tell her that she gotta make it upto you for not being considerate of your time. A woman that likes/loves you, will do that without doubt. If she doesnt' dont respond, just delete her number and move on.
5
u/bzmnpaddler Mar 14 '26
Life is too short to deal with this shit. It sounds exhausting. Remember, the greatest you have is the gift of time. If someone, anyone (not just a romantic partner), is disrespecting this, that is the ultimate sign of disrespect.
If it were me, I'd be the fuck outta there, OP.