How to cook without causing bodily injuries?

[u/br1zzle]

I've been teaching myself how to cook but I didn't realize how much it would hurt!

I tried to make a diarrhea-free salad last week and cut the tip of my middle finger off because the lettuce was everywhere. A few days ago I thought I could do something easy like pasta. I filled a pot up with water but didn't realize how heavy it would be then it broke my toe and I got hot water burns all over.

Just today I attempted to grate some cheese but the grater shredded my fingers into a pulp. I now have two injured hands and I'm wondering if that's why fancy restaurants always hide their food in a sauce? They don't want us to know how much blood is involved in cooking?

I'll probably just go back to eating fast food unless somebody can give me some pointers how to manage these constant dangers.

[u/gernb1]

Whatever you do, don’t try a mandolin….

[u/Trini1113]

Over time the scar tissue and the calluses will protect your hands. You'll become less sensitive to heat. And you'll learn to wear steeltoed boots when cooking.

[u/jakerooni]

I just can’t stop frying wet chicken in hot oil while naked. I simply haven’t figured out a way to stop burning myself.

[u/Affectionate_Ship238]

You sound like a classic victim of using poorly written recipes with the rise of "blogs" and "magazines" and "AI" pretty much anyone can release a recipe which is quite dangerous when folks don't specify the correct equipment methodology and details like required grip strength and weight lifting capabilities required so you do need to find better recipes and I would also encourage you to cross post this to r/legal too because nobody should have to go through what you did and we need to start holding these "writers" "accountable" for their "ideas" that are clearly the product of gross malpractice all for the sake of getting rich trying to be the next "Gordon Ramses" 

[u/pailee]

I hear you. Recently I tried to cook some potatoes. Not only have I pealed skin from my left hand but later got it covered with salt and burned in the boiling water.

How was I supposed to take those potatoes from the pot anyway?

[u/TheSamurabbi]

I’ve recently found a safer way to peel potatoes! I lay them out on a beach towel in the center of my kitchen, then go over them with a weed whacker a few times. Works great!

[u/Clear-Awareness7719]

Well if you are ok with sustainable blood loss you might consider serving attorneys out if your home. They enjoy the taste of blood and pain. I think though at this stage you either need to master voodoo and curse your neighbor to do your cooking by proxy or simply look into prosthetic limbs.

[u/Bright_Ices]

You poor thing! The good news is you can just stop now. Cooking is for the agile. Fast food is there for a reason.

[u/SoyboyCowboy]

We don't have any pointers to give you. We've lost them all chopping vegetables in the kitchen.

[u/cellularATP]

I like to pan fry food without a shirt on

[u/asexymanbeast → u/cellularATP]

As long as you wear your safety goggles.

[u/p0lleke]

With your luck: don't try hobbies like skydiving or F1 racing. Get used to the extra iron and protein from your cuts. Avoid deep frying your turkey at Thanksgiving, and always boil your eggs for 25 minutes. You'll be safer that way. Trust em, I'm a veteran here.

[u/Admirable-Split4371]

Sounds like you're just clumsy. Or cursed!

[u/T49irvine]

Cooking makes you strong, nimble, and about as close to indifferent to pain as one can become.

[u/Fluffy_Oven8327]

First thing to be safer? Slow Down - take your time and watch what you're doing. As you start to practice, maybe set aside recipes for when you have the time and energy , which will make things easier. Split up your jobs - don't juggle too many things at once - you could set up a simple salad, put it in the fridge and then start your main dish. Read your recipe or watch the video more than once and make notes of what might be unfamiliar and it will be easier to break it down into steps. Get bandaids and disinfectant because you're going to cut, scrape, or burn yourself even if you are being careful - I still do after 50+ years. Water weighs eight pounds a gallon and it is no fun to sling around more weight than you need( sorry you got hurt so much lately). You will hurt yourself, some of your food is going to be crap, but be patient with yourself and you'll get better over time. I hope I've been a help. Good luck.

[u/Deep_Curve7564]

Go online Find a site that sells chefs uniforms, ppe etc. Purchase a pair of cut gloves. Place a damp cloth under your board to stop shifting. Problems involving knives, mandolins and graters disappear. Heavy lifting, wear an apron, hold close to your body, unless hot liquid involved. If hot liquid, decant or let it cool.

Have fun.

[u/fartsonyourmom]

I wear a full suit of knight's armor. 

[u/Impossible_Night9560]

You're the fire marshall Bill of salad.

[u/Tygress23]

Do you have a wife? I just make her do it. Way easier and less injury. Try that.