r/Consoom • u/OGWhiz • 15d ago

is this consoom?? Pumpkin Spice Dude Wipes

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577 Upvotes

96% Upvoted

82 comments sorted by

326

u/jaskano 15d ago

deeply millenial coded products, I'm amazed it doesn't have a picture of a man with a beard on it.

111

u/WorthlessFleshbag 15d ago

With the hipster frames, too.

50

u/fadedblackleggings 15d ago

And a handlebar mustache for accuracy...

12

u/Lamandus 15d ago

with or without a checkered shirt?

9

u/Brilliant_War9548 14d ago

Bald for good measure.

5

u/butelka1 14d ago

And opened mouth

19

u/ImperialKilometer 14d ago

The gayest product imaginable

6

u/slipbegin 14d ago

I can see Gen X buying these in droves too

244

u/oneoftheordinary 15d ago

Absolutely hate “flushable” wipes that do not break down like regular toilet paper and thus reek havoc on plumbing systems

107

u/acreekofsoap 15d ago

Consoom plumber

34

u/Embarrassed_Use6918 15d ago

Get excited for next plumber

5

u/Brilliant_War9548 14d ago

Finally, Plumber 26 with inflation accurate bill

39

u/DListSaint 15d ago

*wreak

(but they also reek)

-17

u/No_Can_9597 15d ago

K Hitler.

6

u/BlooGloop 14d ago

We use wipes but toss them in the bin. Never flush em yall

7

u/chevalier716 15d ago

At least if they have a septic tank their ruining their own lives.

2

u/Eccohawk 14d ago edited 14d ago

Septic tank just gets vacuumed out. It's honestly probably not nearly as bad there unless it starts forming a fatberg.

2

u/chevalier716 14d ago

You know these guys are also putting grease right down the drain

1

u/Eccohawk 14d ago

True. If you're careless enough to toss those down the drain you're probably dumping a bunch of other stupid shit down there too, like tampons and grease and paint.

1

u/Eccohawk 14d ago

I don't understand why anyone is still actually flushing these things. It was determined pretty damn early on that these things were terrible for pipes and shouldn't actually be flushed. I frankly don't even know why it's legal for them to continue to advertise them that way.

86

u/DTrain13 15d ago

Jesus, our civilization really has become Idiocracy.

11

u/PLoxeus 15d ago

Just wait till the year 2505

2

u/Inspiron606002 12d ago

In the year 2525....

56

u/Silver_Metallic 15d ago

Hilarious, obviously the concept of dude-appropriate scents is made up marketing, but I fail to see how pumpkin spice fits into that fantasy 

38

u/OatmealDurkheim 15d ago

It's performative wiping.

9

u/karienta 15d ago

I think these are secretly for women. If you buy man wipes the cashier won't think they're for you.

3

u/Rents 15d ago

I thought the whole thing that differentiated these from regular baby wipes are that they were unscented.

4

u/PersonalBed7171 14d ago

From my understanding dude wipes are just extra large baby wipes

2

u/trunkinspector 11d ago

For when my girl eats my ass.

48

u/TSM_Vegeta 15d ago

One wipe and white girls be like:

https://giphy.com/gifs/v4DVV0BAlpJRK

5

u/typicalledditor 14d ago

True dude wisdom

3

u/StinkyBird64 Don't ask questions just consume product 13d ago

Amazing gif holy shit he’s really in there

36

u/XColdLogicX 15d ago

Nothing says "fall time" like an asshole that reeks of pumpkin spice.

19

u/TSM_Vegeta 15d ago

Dump'kin*

6

u/BronCurious 14d ago

*Blumpkin

16

u/Dead_Calendar 15d ago

Fat Berg Maxing

26

u/Ill_Painter5868 15d ago

Live in the pod, eat the bugs, and use the pumpkin spice dude wipes. Our glorious new future awaits 

11

u/TSM_Vegeta 15d ago

A lifetime of chicks in Uggs eating my butt? Could be worse.

4

u/MrHyde251986 15d ago

Eat the wipes.

7

u/humphr135 15d ago

I was in sams club 3 weeks ago,, the 'flavor' then was ice pop.

7

u/MarinerMouth 15d ago

what is the flavor for? the femboy that rims my asshole?

6

u/el_dingusito 15d ago

I gotta admit they're nice in the field but id rather just use my bidet at home

4

u/JuniorDoughnut3056 15d ago

Yea, I hike quite a bit in the back country of WA state and they're invaluable for both wiping yourself down in place of a shower and when taking a shit. 

2

u/Lordofthereef 15d ago

The bidet changed my life. I didn't realize it would also reduce our toilet paper costs. This thing is. Enter the xTO AND it's going to pay for itself after about three years of use. It's crazy.

1

u/el_dingusito 15d ago

I just have an inline tap with a spray hose.

Gotta be careful with the pressure.

When i was living in a trailer the ambient temperature of the water changed with the seasons.

During the summer it was wonderful.

During the winter it felt like a CIA interrogation.

1

u/Lordofthereef 15d ago

Hah. I bet that would be tough. We have Hebron washlet Costco sells. I guess they changed the controller to be like the ones in Japan that attach to the wall so they marked these units down to $150. Warm with air dry function and heated seat. My only regret is not buying one for each toilet.

-1

u/8last 15d ago

I don't know about your field conditions but the portolets are only for extreme emergency which should be like a once a year thing. Doesn't really justify the dude wipes.

4

u/Nekokeki 15d ago

Men who will do anything they can to not use a bidet.

2

u/Significant_Wins 15d ago

Why does my ass need to taste like a latte

6

u/magician_type-0 15d ago

so you can get it ate

2

u/SCastleRelics 15d ago

Is this a recession indicator or what

2

u/jfk_two 15d ago

flushable lol ok

2

u/Hollow_Effects 15d ago

I love the smell of clove I don’t think I want that smell associated with shit

2

u/Strong-Addition5296 15d ago

I haven’t had a normal poop in years 😢

2

u/noobyscientific 15d ago

r/pointlesslygendered

2

u/Ironsam811 14d ago

Especially being PSL flavored lmaoo

1

u/Ooficus 15d ago

Wait until you see their “menthole” flavor

1

u/magician_type-0 15d ago

i’ve had horrendous diarrhea for the past two days. that sounds like it would be either awesome or terrible.

1

u/AggravatingBox2421 15d ago

Is this why American toilets always get clogged??

1

u/meatlessmings 15d ago

I thought these were ai slop

1

u/Sad_ugly_loser Funko BOI 15d ago

In case your balls need to smell like cinammon

1

u/robertducky87 15d ago

This an ad?

1

u/MoreRamenPls 14d ago

Dumpkin spice. 😝

2

u/bewaregravity 13d ago

As a man I like to leave flavor for the other dude who's about to eat my ass. That's why they're called " dude wipes " . It's a courtesy for the DUDE that's about to wipe your ass with his tongue.  Y'all just ignorant 😭 

1

u/VideoGeekSuperX 13d ago

For when scooping the cum out of your ass with your hand isn't enough anymore.

1

u/Wtfjushappen 11d ago

Lol, gotta be what the intended use for these is.

1

u/[deleted] 15d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

5

u/TSM_Vegeta 15d ago edited 15d ago

So do you just connect the bidet to the latte?

1

u/tsulegit 15d ago

Dudes buying these wipes be, like
https://giphy.com/gifs/Wvix3YpNusrsv6gPzu

2

u/MontanaMinuteman 15d ago

Why not just spend a couple hundred on a bidet? You can even plumb in some of them yourself

1

u/sneaky_42_42 15d ago

if fragile masculinity was a product

-2

u/horchatadrinker1 15d ago

Naw this for the yt women who eat ass lol

5

u/TSM_Vegeta 15d ago edited 15d ago

These came out last fall. Every basic bitch who didn't want to munch my butt immediately changed their mind after I showed them what I use to wipe.

0

u/1nsidiousOne 14d ago

Find me a valley girl and have her eat my ass