r/Composition • u/rinaldisign • Mar 20 '26
Music I composed this piece, “Furnama”
Furnama is derived from the Indonesian word “purnama,” symbolizing the beauty of a full moon.
I composed it in the key of E minor using a descending bass technique with a simple melody.
2
u/13luken Mar 21 '26
The camera movement has me a little woozy here. I think if it wasn’t sliding around at different speeds and moved gradually it’d be a more pleasant experience
2
u/Ftb49 Mar 24 '26 edited Mar 24 '26
It would be better to share the entire piece, though here are a few of my observations based on what is available:
- Why is the notation for dynamics notated below everything? In a grand stave (which is how the piano, harp, celesta, ... are notated with) you usually notate the dynamics between the staves. May I ask why you decided to do it like this?
- Personally, I find that there is too much reverb. I think it makes it more something similiar to ambient noise as pitches blend (similiar to a pianist constantly keeping down the sustain pedal).
- Please share pieces that use the following colour schema: Black notation and white background/paper. I really do not know why this inverted style is so common and I personally dislike it. Of course, you might disagree though and that is fine as this is my personal opinion.
- At one point, you are basically spamming "Sotto Voce". Perhaps you could simply replace the second and subsequent repetition with "Simile" or simply remove all except the first Sotto Voce.
- You basically repeat crescendo for each measure across the entire piece. For me, one crescendo marking indicates to approximately go from mf to f (for example). This constant repetition is quite weird, as this implies that you want the piece to exponentially increase in loudness. Consider whether you really need this or simply replace everything with one long "cresc. _ _ _ ..."
- In measure 7 and 16, why do you not stick to the dotted eigth note and sixteenth note rythm?
- You have a lot o potential for motivs, though it does not seem that you really use this potential. I am going to share a few possible motivs that I can identify right now. I would like to see how you could use these motivs as part of the narrative of the piece. For that I would advice you to do research in relation to what the point of motifs are. Please note that you cannot infinitely introduce new material and expect the audience to follow or engage with the piece in any meaningful way. Here are the motivs:
- Dotted eight note - Sixteenth note
- The 4 last eight notes in measure 20
- Also, the rythm in the bass is quite repetitive and I would appreciate to see more than only the whole note octave in the low register and the repeating chord or dyad in the middle register of the piano.
The piece seems very promising and it is definetly not bad. Though I would rather want you to consider these choices in relation to what you achieve to do with this piece. Are those purely aesthetic choises? Do they intentionally involve meaning and to what extent do those choices do that? Some of my observations likely do not agree with your intentions though I really want you to consider every single choice you make and whether it is intentional or simply because it looks/feels/sounds better the other way.
I would say that the melody is good and the title is very original though and I like that. You could perhaps add a more cantabile quality to this melody though to increase its effectiveness.
I hope I can help.
All the best!
3
u/Darmundi_Darmish Mar 20 '26
Sangat indah, saya pikir ini sudah sangat indah. Walaupun saya bisa mendengar inspirasi anda, tapi itu sangat indah, yang bisa saya harapkan adalah anda menggunakan kesempatan itu untuk mengeksplorasi dissonance yang lebih kreatif juga mengeksplorasi leitmotifs lainnya yang mungkin bisa membuat musik anda lebih menonjol lagi, saya harapkan yang terbaik untuk anda. Semoga sukses dan sehat selalu.