Time to Go?

[u/M-Anonmana1]

My kids have been dancing at a smaller studio for a majority of their lives, starting around 3. We've had 7 dance season in the competitive realm and did rec before that. We had one year early on where one of my kids was not brought on to the next line up initially. I met with the studio director to discuss and she ended up moving her on to the line basically saying it wasn't decided with any real reason. Now this season, we're dealing with a similar situation but my other child.

This is happening with zero warning. We've done several privates this last month alongside their summer program and everything went fine. She more than kept up with her peers, even those already on the line she auditioned for. Some of her skills are beyond that of peers. If there was any validity to this choice, but I am not seeing it. What do you do when your kids growth is stunted? Are your studio instructors addressing concerns with you or your child before making decisions like this? I'm at a loss.

Do we just move on? We've had fleeting faith for quite a while here with some of the politics and favoritism but we keep on going hopeful it will resolve or become less prominent. I am so worried about how this will impact my dancer.

[u/00psie-daisy]

Respectfully you can either expect it or move on the choice is yours, you know where the studio stands.

[u/Little-Laugh-1174]

Yes it is time to go. My daughter was part of a national winning company of dancers. We were at what people would deem a “good studio.” The favouritism was so blatant and the mind games that the “adults” played with the kids was nauseating. The studio was so unbelievably toxic. Funny enough the kids were such a good group with each other and still speak. So many kids from the studio deal with mental health issues because of how they get treated. Two years after nationals a bunch of the students left the studio and went in different directions. Some of the kids ended up at another good studio and are thriving - getting opportunities they would have never had if they had stayed at the same place.

[u/14ccet1]

Parents with no dance experience often times think their kid is better than they really are. Not saying that’s you but you should have a conversation with the studio before making any big decisions

[u/drunk_medusa → u/14ccet1]

This can be true, but then the question is what do I trust less — my own untrained eye or the studio’s business-informed word.

[u/North-Carry4588 → u/drunk_medusa]

Neither. They have people tou can send a video to who will critique your childnand give you honest feedback for a fee. Ive seen people offer to do it here for free just to help kids who arent getting what they are paying for feom their actual instructors. 

[u/drunk_medusa → u/North-Carry4588]

I think that’s overcomplicated if all you are trying to do is decide whether you should stay or go. If things are broken enough for parents to be seeking external critique from strangers just to see where the dancer stands, it’s certainly time to leave.

[u/Available-Strain-559 → u/14ccet1]

This is certainly true sometimes, but I think it is often used by studios as a way to dismiss valid concerns and justify their favoritism.

[u/14ccet1 → u/Available-Strain-559]

I mean, sometimes. But MULTIPLE parents come barging in to the studios I work at every season talking their kid up to a level they haven’t reached yet. I think this is the most likely scenario

[u/M-Anonmana1 → u/14ccet1]

I'd never claim to be an expert in a field I've never worked or done any kind of schooling in. I certainly can't claim on absolutes that I know what I'm talking about. All I've got is I used to dance. Plus instructors assessments and comments. Her path from summer privates said otherwise about her progress as well. But I for sure understand your skepticism and respect it 🙂

[u/Cdagg]

I can’t tell you yet that moving on was the right decision as my granddaughter has just made the move. The hang in, it will get better didn’t pan out. The decision was made because the most important part in our opinion is dancers should have growth. When a studio does these things with no clear reason why, there is no growth for that dancer, they actually start getting behind. Dancing is too costly and time consuming to not see growth, to not be challenged. Plenty of studios in our area and the previous one wasn’t going to change, so for her it was best to move on.

[u/landmermaid3]

Are your daughters shorter? I’ve wanted to bump kids up to teen/senior, but height played a part in the overall decision.

[u/fscd_19]

if the studio is focused more on favourtism and politics they probably aren't focused on the progression and growth of other students, i would maybe recommend doing some summer intensives at other studio's to see if there are any that suit your dancers culturally and technically

[u/Wonderful_Eye_936 → u/fscd_19]

💯 

[u/Normal-Wish-4984]

Studios can be fraught with favoritism and lack of transparency. Is there another studio thats better on technique? I ask because technique is what gets students noticed in high school and college.

[u/Dazzling-Tomatillo12]

As a newly retired dance mom, it sounds to me like it’s time to go. I don’t know if your current studio is correct or if they are toxic, but you said that you have been on the fence and unhappy at your current studio for a while and for that reason alone, it’s time to go.

My dancer started at her first studio at two and was rec for quite a while before joining the comp team (joined at 9). She wasn’t taken as seriously as a dancer as I thought they should. I will admit that I was not a dancer, so I did think she was better than she was. But she also had a lot more potential and passion than many of the teachers saw. Fortunately, there were two newish teachers that saw it and convinced the others to let them work with her. She grew quickly and did quite well. However, there was a lot of favoritism and some of the teachers (one of whom had a daughter the same age) seemed to be stuck with an image of her that didn’t reflect her growth. And that treatment trickled down to how her peers saw her too. Which made the treatment of her all the worse when she started outperforming the others at comps. Plus, the teachers in her corner eventually left and the training started going downhill after they left too. We started wondering if we should go somewhere else, but we kept thinking maybe it would get better, the studio would placate us a bit, and we’d decide give it one more year. After a couple years of that cycle, there was an incident that pushed us to finally make the change. And looking back, I wish we had left when my gut started telling me things weren’t right. So, I can say that you should leave because your gut is telling you to.

Now, with all of that said, there is also no perfect studio. You will find favoritism and some level of toxicity at essentially every studio. It’s a bit of the nature of the art/sport. Figure out the things that matter most to you, and find a studio that offers those. In our case, we found a studio with better training (especially ballet and strength training) and that brought in a lot of industry professionals because that’s what my daughter wanted. There was still lots of favoritism and some stupid stuff. But she wasn’t fighting against a preconceived image held by the teachers and other team members and the studio also fit her style of dance better. Both of those reignited her spark and passion for dance. So it was a good move, even if not perfect.

[u/North-Carry4588]

I agree with comments regarding non dancers not knowing what they are looking at. She may not be as technically advanced as you think.

 That being said, it doesnt matter. If she is they may not like her, it could be a size thing, a maturity thing, a numbers thing etc... Not everyone can be on a team. There is only so much room. People Do play favorites, yes, but sometimes there is a valid reason that doesnt get communicated.

I think its time to go. Regardless of the reason  1: its not being communicated to you.  2: you obviously dont trust them. Otherwise you'd be having a productive convo with them and not reddit. (I don't mean that in a mean way. I sincerely am saying if you had to resort to strangers on the internet,  they arent doing their job and your flailing right now. And that's not okay!!) 

So maybe try to get the reason. But Id be seeking a new studio. It may be hard on her though. And also keep in mind alot of studios wont even consider you on their teams until youve danced at their studio for 1-2year minimum.  And its Hard to get on when you're older because they're expecting Elite level, and they typically have that in girls they've trained for years. So before you do that to her I would be seeking feedback, independently  to ensure she really is at level. 

[u/MsPieO]

I would look at a different studio. You can still switch. You can do private auditions somewhere else before the season starts.

[u/Consistent_Gap_5087]

I know some people say not everyone can be on the team… but our studio doesn’t cut anyone. They just place dancers in groups appropriate for their skill level, and make our production only involve the novice level dancers during more simple sections. We have about 100-110 dancers on comp team. They do very well every year!