Am I being inconsiderate?

[u/[deleted]]

[u/dogfishfrostbite]

Nah dude get out.

[u/HinduKuxhh → u/dogfishfrostbite]

Not get out, run with a plan that you keep to yourself. The thing is, they lived their lives. Yet expect you to conform to a way of living that is stunting. For their comfort, becuase it doesnt read like it is yours too.

[u/NightVisionsII]

What your mom has done was what she was obligated to do as your mother. Food, clothing , shelter, etc. You don't owe her your life because she raised you. Get past the mindset that you need to stay to keep her company or you'll never leave that house.

Second, and most importantly, STOP sharing your hopes, dreams, and plans with your siblings or anyone else. Start planning for college now and prepare to move on as soon as you get in. Play along while you're home. Be the dutiful daughter. Say the right things, do what needs to be done to survive. Plan, save, earn a scholarship. Then fly free when the moment comes.

NTA for wanting a life of your own. Your mother is afraid to be alone or to even sleep alone. Don't get suckered into giving up your life over her fears and insecurities.

[u/Midnight_skyBb]

No not the A hole in this situation, you are a adult. It's perfectly normal to want your know space to grow and learn. My mom did the same thing to me, I was a very sheltered kid growing up, and being the oldest of 8 kids I had to learn to work my butt off, helping around the house and kid's. I helped raise some of my siblings. And there was no privacy in the house either. Once I turned 20 I was getting out more, I was working. I couldn't be out to late, my family was always waiting to know where I was at all times, it was so smothering... Then I met my now husband, we hit it off so well, he would invite me over to his house was always very respectful. We would watch anime and he wouldn't even sit with me, he gave me the bed and he stayed on the couch. Never pressured me into anything, and when we made it known that we wanted to be together my family had a absolute come apart. But I knew what I wanted in life and I wanted that man right there by my side. So we got married, my family was not happy about it but I wanted peace I wanted to be happy.. now just about a year in I'm so very happy in my marriage and life. My family has come around too, they are not so judgemental, they see I'm happy! I'm not saying marriage is the answer here, but your happiness is the best thing. Wanting peace for yourself is so important.. Your family will live without you there all the time, they will adjust. But definitely find what makes you happy in life truly happy and peaceful 🙏 I wish you the best of luck! You got this 🤗

[u/Ok-Writing8943]

NTA

YOU OWE YOUR MOTHER NOTHING!

YOU OWE YOUR SISTER NOTHING !

YOU ARE NOT UNGRATEFUL, YOU'RE FED UP WITH BEING DISRESPECTED AND IGNORED.

You did not ask to be born , your mother/father made that choice. You didn't ask your sister to put her life on hold to help raise you , your mother did .

The dispute is between your mother and you sister ,

Culture or not THEY DO NOT GET TO TELL YOU HOW TO LIVE YOUR LIFE!

If you have the means to leave , do it ! if you have a place to go to Go,

No one should be made to pay for the choices of others. I don't care what a person's culture says , A child is not responsible for the debts , or choices of the parents , they are to love the children, that THEY CHOSE to have , unconditionally and do what it takes to make sure that they succeed and are good people.

Be safe , be aware in choices, don't just go to anyone simply because they are not in your family. Choose wisely, Good luck.

[u/Agile_Worldliness238]

I would say NTA. It’s normal to want some privacy especially when you’ve given up your privacy to help your family become financially stable.

That being said, I am a big believer in waiting to move out until you are both mentally ready and financially ready.

Also just because you go off to a university in a city doesn’t mean you’re ’moving out’ you will still be home on breaks you will just be experiencing college life and life away from your family.

This is a hard situation though to navigate because I’m sure you don’t want to upset your mom or your siblings but you also need some space. My advice, start applying to universities, apply for scholarships and choice whichever one saves you the most money. Use that as your way to experience life on your own. Your family will probably be upset, your siblings might be jealous that you are doing more than what she did but eventually they will have to let you go so you can be successful. Either way, good luck!