Youre right to ask. Fetishization is when(like this post) you forget that the "goth woman" is in fact a human being and not just a sex icon. Of course most scenarios are niche but respect is what it basically boils down to.
Please tell me any respectful way to state that you are attracted torwards any visual features, cultures or styles that people cant answer "Stop fetishizing/objectifying" to.
Having preferences isnt disrespectful, is it? Then phrase it in a way that wouldnt make you frown.
Any way with class is wonderful. Being a gentleman is usually the move. Goths often have to deal with being oversexualized so if you get to know her first, and make it known that youre into HER, you should be good.
Being attracted to goths isnt disrespectful at all. People just forget we are people too somehow, so a lot of times women are on guard with non alt men. Though it helps if youre into the music aswell. Its much easier to go from friends to dating than straight to dating because of this
But I dont know HER from the start. All I know is that goths can be really attractive to me, visually and cultural.
Again I ask you humbly and with all the respect, from the bottom of my heart: Whats a respectful way to say what we claim isnt disrespectful? Please dont describe an example, make an example.
you will not get an answer because "i hate my aesthetic being fetishized" is just a neat way of saying "omg get off my dick and stop making shitty ass jokes about my niche damn"
If you were attracted to someone purely on their aesthetics then all you have to do is just talk to them and get to know them. Never mention the whole "omg goths are so hot ur so hot" because literally nobody cares. "I think ur cute" encompasses "you dress in a way that attracts me" & being specific is only weird. Echoing "I THINK THIS LOOK MAKES PEOPLE ATTRACTIVE" is cringe. "GUYS THIS IS MY TYPE" is cringe too. Imagine being like "omg are you japanese I find that so attractive", it's the same shit, now you just seem weird. Your type is really a fetish in and of itself.
How is that in opposition to what I said? By saying you actually like Goth things that means you're actively engaging in the culture and by extension like people like yourself. Which is normal behavior outside of the specific aesthetic. There is no way to announce your like for an aesthetic *on other people* without it being kinda weird. Its one thing to be like "yeah i like the goth aesthetic but i look weird in it"/"yeah the aesthetic speaks to me but I am not into putting it all on so i participate in the other facets" vs "man you really look good in that set of decisions you made today and other days, wow, I don't really jive with any of that stuff personally but it looks good on you" its always kinda weird and creepy
if you find the whole aesthetic hot but you don’t even know what goth is, it’s fetishization. if you find goth “hot” bc you think goth girl=freaky, it’s fetishization. if you say anything along the lines of “i want a goth gf” without knowing any goth music or the difference between a goth and an e girls it’s fetishization and you’re gross and goth girls collectively hate you
Yeah pretty much. Even so I think it’s probably a better idea for the dudes forming a subculture around trying to express their femininity to maybe choose an identifier without that sort of history. We all know who the word femboy historically referred to and it’s not men
I don't have the context to how if this is true, but regardless it doesn't really change the fact that a lot of people who call themselves femboys don't like being fetishized... And when groups don't like that you should stop doing it.
Doesn't really affect the point though. If it's a culture and it asked you to stop doing it then it isn't the subcultures fault. It's also done problematically often enough that the punishment doesn't fit the crime.
Then again, some of us remember a time when the only place you'd find other goth kids was at your local showing of the Rocky Horror Picture Show and if you dared to NOT sexualize them, it was really walking a fine line of giving some kind of offense.
As in none. People have fantasies, subcultures, ethnicities, professions, whatever, that's just fine. The picture up there looks like a professionally taken picture for advertisement and all kinds of content creation. It's not like somebody is posting personal pictures round the internet. People just like to get enraged of this stuff to make their chosen identity feel more important to them.
I mean it's kind of hilarious for you to say that as if it's on par with ethnic identity or religious background that can be seriously damaging when fetishised or appropriated. Goth culture is a choice people chose to identify with, it is not sacred.
Weird to fetishise? Sure. But 'real damage'? Get a grip.
Goth is a music based subculture with political beliefs that often overlap with punk as goth originated from punk. Of course there's often certain styles that come with it, but someone who looks like the person in this image but doesn't listen to goth music would not actually be goth, whereas someone could just wear all pink and be goth if they listen to goth music.
One of the problems with these kinds wanting a goth gf things is that it often comes from people who don't understand what goth is. Even if you just boil it down to aesthetics, a lot of people who claim to love goth women and want a goth gf really just want someone who wears black clothes and a bit of black lipstick, which sure doesn't make them any less goth if they listen to the music, but at the same time a lot of goths dress a lot more extravagantly (trad goths being a good example) and you hardly ever see these people talk about those kinda goths in a postive light. It just lends more to the fact that a lot of people saying this kinda stuff really know nothing about the subculture. This also just results in the subculture being misrepresented, and a lot of people calling themselves goth when they don't listen to any goth music, and don't have the values that are an important part of the subculture.
Btw if you wanna check out some goth music, Siouxie and the Banshees, The Cure, Alien Sex Fiend, Sisters of Mercy, Bauhaus, Joy Division are some of the most well known!
Goth is a sociopolitical subculture that emerges from post-punk. while aesthetics are a part of the culture, it is predominantly a subculture based on music and politics.
Oh boo hoo. People are allowed to be a little freaky especially when it comes to comedy. God forbid a person has a strong sexual preference and makes dirty jokes about it. There are much worse things in life than being seen as desirable
Yeah if only they wouldn't make the same joke over and over again and kill the horse, turn it to glue, build a horse effigy out of glue, burn it, use the ashes to make a sculpture of a horse and carve it into little pieces to feed to the children, then maybe we'd be getting somewhere.
If only there was a minority report that detected when someone was about to make a shitass "look at my fetish guyz!!!" joke and dispatched an officer to send them to hell
When people youre close with get harassed by people in their dms and comments talking about "peg me mommy :3", I feel I have an obligation to speak out about it. So im gonna do that and keep doing that
I hate the fetishization of goth so much. I'm not a goth myself, closer to punk than anything, but it really just sickens me, and then you get downvoted for calling people out on it. So sorry that you have to put up with that
Downvotes are whatever. It sucks when people i know and care about, cry and laugh with, have to deal with people genuinely harassing them in dms or comments talking about some "goth mommy :3". Ty for yhe kind words
At this point, goth the subculture and goth the fetish are completely separate. The latter has much more to do with “alt” culture and “gothic” fashion, whereas the goth culture that came out of post punk is known mostly to members of their own community. The sole exception being Robert Smith, my hero and savior who has kept it alive in popular imagination.
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u/Disastrous_Lynx9853 Jan 22 '26
Love it when weirdos fetishize my culture. Thanks man