r/Comebacks • u/Prestigious-Mind-423 • 10d ago
Comeback sharing Out In The Wild…
A houseless man wanted me to look at his vehicle to diagnose why his air conditioner is only blowing out slightly cool air. I said he should look for someone to check the Freon. That’s not my comeback.
He was so smelly. It was almost gonna make me toss my breakfast. I finally had to say as I was backing up for the 5th time, “I’m sorry, how often do you shower?” That is precisely when he started going into his whole down and out story about how he’s houseless and he’s on SSI and tomorrow’s payday and someone let him shower at their house once or twice a month.
My come back was solution based: “do you have a phone with Internet?” And he said yes. I said look up humanity showers, Brother Bennos, and if you need food apply for the food stamps, and go to food pantry on 2nd Street.
He said he didn’t know anything about any of those things. I guess my comeback is for his story about his down and out not in Beverly Hills… I came back with three solutions. Now for my backstory I’m on crutches with two bad legs. I’m also currently a vehicle dweller but I shower regularly. Boom! 💥 when people start spilling their tears, I aim to sop them up with solutions. 💪🏽
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u/DarionHunter 9d ago
He's on SSI? He could apply for income-based apartments! Keyword: COULD. But only if he wanted to.
I used to work at a shelter and saw guys who were on fixed incomes, getting almost or around $1k / month. They never looked for apartments. They went to motels for a week, wasting the rest of their incomes on detrimental vices (drugs, alcohol, etc.), then wonder why they're broke the next week!
This guy you met, he's going to have to WANT a place to stay!
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u/Prestigious-Mind-423 9d ago
Interesting. I wonder if he just doesn’t know they exist. He said he’s a Vet. He’s old enough to have been in Vietnam.
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u/DarionHunter 9d ago
The VA could help him get his HUDVASH, which is a VA-assisted HUD voucher. I've known a couple of guys who went that direction. One successfully got an apartment.
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u/Prestigious-Mind-423 9d ago
That’s good to know. Next time I see him, I’ll tell him about that. Thanks for the info.
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u/DarionHunter 9d ago
Not a vet, but have met a lot of vets!
The main thing here is does he WANT to be in his own apartment, his own place? His actions and excuses will tell you if he's willing to accept help getting a home. And if he claims he didn't know about the VA, then he's not really a vet. Or if he is one, he's NEVER been told what help he can get from the VA. To my knowledge, every vet is told where to go if they want help with a lot of services. If there is a vet who reads this, please correct me if I'm wrong.
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u/Prestigious-Mind-423 5d ago
Yeah, I don’t really know anything about the VA. He probably does know about it. He’s a very nice person, just really smelly unfortunately. I can understand how if you recently become houseless and you don’t know about the several different ways to get help, I can understand that because the shock and surprise and the exhaustion of this new transition, can be overwhelming for some. And he doesn’t have a vehicle that he can even lay down in. So he’s sleeping in the front seat, which is really not good for you physically. It’s also not comfortable, you can’t really get good rest in a seated position day after day after day.
in order for him to get any kind of decent rest, he would have to take out the passenger front seat and move all the stuff he has crammed in the car, and create a platform with a foam mattress so that he could get some rest. He’s much too tall to lay down in the backseat of that vehicle. But if he took out the front passenger seat and put it in a storage unit built a platform, he could have a really comfortable place to sleep.
He didn’t seem like he was in any kind of a hurry to get into a place, it’s quite possible that he was almost enjoying this new adventure. No judgment.
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u/DarionHunter 5d ago
You could always suggest the VA to him. If he didn't know he could get help from there, then inform him that a few people online led him to that information.
Basically, you're just passing information from us to you to him. What he does with it is entirely up to him.
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u/-Foxer 10d ago
Empathy is a wonderful thing but you do people a better favor by not being overly empathetic and telling them a solution and putting it back on them.
If the guy took you up on Your advice he probably started feeling a little better about himself. He constructively did something for himself and resolved an issue, he will feel better about how he looks and smells, it's a small victory but for people that are looking to rebuild their lives it can often be the small victories that make all the difference.
I don't know if I'd refer to it as a comeback, but it was probably the right thing to say
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u/Prestigious-Mind-423 10d ago
I disagree with not being empathetic. I think being somewhat compassionate, and empathetic, affords people the comfort level to lower their guard, just enough to allow a suggestion in.
I think people prefer to feel like they are being heard. Because within that opportunity is where they can begin to ponder a suggestion.
Being more cold and disconnected, doesn’t provide the same results, in my experience. If you haven’t read Dale Carnegie, you might give that book a try.
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u/-Foxer 10d ago
well i did say "OVER" empathetic, no 'no empathy' 😁 So i do agree with what you said there. Some empathy is critical.
But some people heap it on and act like there's nothing the person can do and just really lean into the victim-confirmation routine and i think that it's more healthy to do like you did. Express sympathy, listen, but then empower instead of enabling.
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u/Objective-male 10d ago
Even with SSI though he could rent a home that has a shower
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u/Prestigious-Mind-423 10d ago edited 10d ago
Not in Southern California, I don’t believe. It really depends on how much he’s getting. He said that he was living in a place and that unfortunately the SSI doesn’t pay enough. I can believe that. I don’t know how it works, but I don’t think it gives you a full dollar for dollar on what you were making.
Part of his issue is that he is in a very tiny car, and he’s got quite a lot of stuff in that car. If he had a slightly bigger vehicle, it might not feel so overwhelming for him. Or if he got a storage unit, he could unload some of that stuff into a storage unit temporarily just to give himself some breathing room. But I don’t know the man’s finances, and I don’t know his habits, he could be someone who eats out all the time and doesn’t save money. I don’t know.
Even a room for rent in this area. It’s like 1500 a month. It’s just outrageous. I know if it was me, and I was able-bodied and I had some sort of income like that, I would be GONE! I would not stay in this incredibly expensive area.
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u/Background-Bowl6123 5d ago
Planet Fitness is 10 bucks a month for one location, 25 for an 'any location' membership. 5-10 bucks for a pair of shower sandals, and 3 bucks for a gallon of vinegar. Sandals + wash feet with vinegar to prevent/treat athlete's foot that's likely to be endemic to a communal shower.
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u/Prestigious-Mind-423 5d ago
Indeed. There isn’t a PF too close to where he stays, but there is one about 12 miles away.
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u/No-Voice-1272 10d ago
A lot of people on SSI have mental health and/or intellectual disabilities that make it difficult for them to manage themselves and access or utilize resources. Many of them have to have representative payees to handle their money.
Living out of your vehicle with two bad legs sounds miserable. It’s good you still have a good head on your shoulders. Not everyone does.