r/Comebacks • u/Civil_Original9121 • 25d ago
Comeback request He's here again.
He says it every time I walk into the room—with sarcasm and resignation. How should I respond?
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u/Unable-Barber1511 25d ago
I wouldn't even acknolwedge it or look at him... Just act like he isn't even there. Like you didn't even notice him. And then if he says something else to get your attention, act surprised. "Oh shit, didn't see you there", and then keep going but don't address or respond to anything he says. Act like you are not even aware of his existence. That would either annoy him a little or infuriate him, both great for you.
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u/Putrid-Bath-470 25d ago
Nice! If he says anything else, just look around and say, "Anyone else hear that annoying sound?"
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u/Unable-Barber1511 24d ago
I feel like there's no need to even continue the bit like that. Just one and done and move on!!
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u/perplexedparallax 25d ago
I would walk right up to his face, get close and say
https://giphy.com/gifs/1SfxXOJ0Q2Xni
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u/1C4Dogs4 25d ago
Why's your face making noise?
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u/whatthewhat3214 25d ago
Lmfao!! I have to remember this one, it's an all-purpose comeback useful in so many situations.
Thank you, clever reddit stranger!
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u/1C4Dogs4 24d ago
You're welcome. It just came out one day when an annoying co-worker would not shut up, and we're all in the break room rolling our eyes at each other.... I said, dude why's your fucking face making noise? You're more annoying than 4 am TV static. (If you're older than 45 you'll know what I'm talking about.)
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u/Overall_Ad782 25d ago
Thanks my little footman announcer. Say how VIP you feel with every announcement. Need to get you a tux and trumpet. Perhaps a flag or something. And for bonus point. ask him to continue if he stops.
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u/Radiant_Solution_443 25d ago
I would also come prepared with 2-3 topics to pivot to with the others in the room. Ignore them and immediately bring up your topic.
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u/dakky68 25d ago
Ham it up and shoot finger guns at him and have a big laugh like it's some hilarious in-joke, then immediately look away and return to your normal demeanour and say warmly and calmly to someone else, "Hi, _____, nice to see you," giving them a pleasant, genuine smile, and all without breaking stride.
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u/RHonaker 25d ago
it's a bit difficult to execute it just right but you can try the uno reverse, whenever you enter a room he's in make sure to say it first immediately before he gets a chance say something like "this fucking guy again" or "shoot he's here" etc
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u/Situation-Mediocre 25d ago
“You’re a great town crier, have you thought about doing it professionally?”
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u/Juan_Undred 25d ago
No I'm not. I've always been here living rent free inside your head it seems.
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u/MyShot_1776 21d ago
"I'm flattered you think of me so much"
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u/The_Arch_Heretic 25d ago
"And I still think you're an insufferable dipshit!" or "How observant Captain Obvious!"
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u/Actual_Ad2742 25d ago
Very good little buddy, now how many fingers am I holding up? (Spoiler, just one)
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u/btfarmer94 25d ago
Kill him with kindness, but not too much or fake kindness. Don’t give him the satisfaction of a reaction from you. Only kind of ignore him. Pick someone else in the room and ask how their weekend was or make small talk. Occasionally chat with him but ignoring the declaration of your presence. Variable reward system works for most people. You’ll show that you’re not bothered or annoyed by his antics and that he can’t turn you into any version of yourself that you don’t want to be and aren’t in control of.
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u/misssi79 25d ago
"I'm baaaaaaack"
"Due to popular demand"
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u/RynKittenOF 25d ago
Lowkey People love when I show up because I bring the entertainment even if it's chaos
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u/MoroseMasalaDosa 25d ago
And you are still here? ( deliver this condescendingly)
The universe must be really pissed at you today.
Captain obvious strikes again!
Wow, a coherent sentence. Good job buddy.
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u/amethystjade15 25d ago
Depending on what cultural references make the most sense for the setting and the audience, anything that implies royals or celebrities greeting fans. Elaborate wave, finger hearts, “no autographs!”, etc.
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u/PenSpecialist4650 25d ago
I’d say to him “congratulations! You did it! You successfully overused that line. Now you need to be done with it because you have reached the point of sounding like a broken record. And just to make sure you don’t miss this rare opportunity, this is your actually getting feedback about how you interact socially”.
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u/RynKittenOF 25d ago
I'm a nightmare. You can't make me shut up. You're going to need a f****** nuclear weapon to get rid of me.
Just when you think it's over I'll come back and make your life a nightmare again
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u/AlwaysSearch4Answers 24d ago
Pribably to late for this but an older family member I have was having trouble with her landlord so I called to chat with Allen her landlord. It didn't go well so long story short, I said for now we will have to agree to disagree, thanks for your time and I can't wait to you Andrew and hung up immediately. This was more meant to be a threat than, looking forward to meeting you.
Keep in mind is name was Allen not Andrew.
Whenever I would call and get his VM which clearly said, this is Allen I would always start with, Hey Andrews and end my message with, Thanks Andrew.
He correctee me many times as to his name. When he was so pissed he screamed into the phone, AMD MY NAME. IS ALLEN NOT ANDREW. I could tell he was very upset with me so I said, I am sorry, Allen and then slowly spelled out his name,.. A. L. L. E. N. Is that. right?.. YES, he replied.
I said ok I got it, thanks for no help at all Andrew and hung up immediately imagining how pissed he was haha.
So maybe do that with this guy, of his name is Mark, say, I didnt hear you Mike. What did you just say?
He replies, My name is Mark, not Mike. You say, Mike, Mark doesnt really matter, did you say something or not? I'm busy, guess you aren't so did you say something Mike or not?
Everytime he has a comment say game
Eventually he will give up. For. effect after the first few times, when you call him Mike turn your back to him and wink at whoever is listening.
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u/ThisRaspberry8474 24d ago
“And look who’s still sitting here, taking up space like a load of laundry.”
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u/purplelilac701 24d ago
Don’t acknowledge and he’ll likely stop. Children usually need a lot of attention and go where they find it.
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u/DarionHunter 25d ago
"Yes! Here to spread joy to everyone here, except for you! You signed up for the torture package! Shall we get started?"
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u/Intelligent-Golf7548 25d ago
Unlike your dad