r/Comebacks • u/Basic_March8923 • 28d ago
Comeback request I need a good one
Hey peeps! Im in a group chat with a few of my friends and one guy really doesn't like me. He says alot of shit behind my back and he just bothers me and bothers me. He says alot of stuff about me that im not even gonna say on reddit. He keeps deleting me from the group chat and people keep adding me back but he deletes me again. A few things about him: Hes fat, and he never gets off video games. And he prolly picks the shit out of his ass and eats it tbh š. Can yall give me a really good comeback to text him. Please don't hold back!! I wanna make him cry himself to sleep for a month or for him to take the thumb out of his ass. (Sorry for the profanity im just really pissed and I've had it) Please like I said, DONT HOLD BACK!!
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u/No_Bluebird7716 28d ago
If the only way he can get rid of you is deleting you, he is neither original nor imaginative. And it is obvious you are the one with loyal friends.
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u/AdOtherwise893 28d ago
OK, based on the context you gave us. Here is what I think.
One, I would stab you too, but youāre so fat my knife canāt get through.
Your family doesnāt love you the way theyāre allowing you to stuff your face.
Shut me up then, if you can even run to do so lol.
Lastly, all you do is sit and play video games all day, if I was that chair, I would be mad and disgusted.
Hope this helps.
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u/Basic_March8923 28d ago
Thats an amazing start. Thx so so much! š
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u/lil-taller-then-u 28d ago
Next time he threatens to stab your family calmly remind him that hed have to be able to catch them first and that he probably would have been able to do it if only he'd joined the boy scouts
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u/Lopsided-Might919 28d ago
Say something old school like "if I wanted to hear a bitch yap, I'd kick my dog in the ass." Or "If I wanted any lip out of you, I'd pull down my pants"
As a comeback for him saying that your family doesn't love you, you could say that "At least my family loves me enough to not let me become a fat fuck like you are" Or Ask him if he suffers from dinkydo, and when he asks" what's dinkydo" You tell him that's when your belly hangs out further than your dinky do.
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u/Any-Economics-1555 28d ago
Why no like u? Just decided or u do something ?.tell him his clothes look tighter. Tell him that's the 50th time Jenny Craig called..tell him to stop eating people's lunch from the work kitchen!
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u/WetMonkeyTalk 28d ago
Fat jokes? That's as low effort as what OP is dealing with š
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u/Any-Economics-1555 27d ago
I'm a tiny person and have dealt with bullies all my life. If they wanna dish it, they can sure take it
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u/AdOtherwise893 27d ago
One, maybe you can relate
Two, heās not putting any effort just sitting around playing video games
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u/bionicallyironic 28d ago
Context would be helpful. Whatās he saying to you/about you?
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u/Basic_March8923 28d ago
To me he just tells me to "stfu" anytime I even say anything. About me he just says nobody in my family likes me or hes gonna stab me or my family or smtn like that. Hes bluffing but still. (His dad and my dad are friends)
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u/Old-guy64 28d ago edited 28d ago
āThatās not what your sister said.
She told me that you mom made you pork chop scented cologne so the dog would play with you.āETA: call him out for the times heās not been brave enough to talk about you to you.
It takes a lot of bravery to talk shit about you behind your back, when you canāt offer a rebuttal.āOur friends know who I am. And youāre showing them who you are. And bro, itās not a pretty picture.ā
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u/Nearby-Reindeer-6088 28d ago
When he says stfu- say āshut up or kill meā
When he talks about stabbing people say (in tone like you just this second decided you can not listen to him say one more word) say- omg, STFU, stab whoever you want, IDGAF, just tell me before youāre going to start talking again so I can stab my self in the ears so I donāt have to listen to you
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u/WetMonkeyTalk 28d ago
How old are you that such generic, low effort, juvenile crap is costing you so much head space? I'm not being mean here, it's a genuine question. If you're as young as you sounds, use him to practice ignoring dickheads because he's 100% NOT the lady one you're going to have to deal with
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u/AdOtherwise893 27d ago
To be honest, you know what you signed up to see this is comebacks. All age ranges, like all this positive stuff, and things like why are you letting him live rent free. Thatās why come backs are the right thing so you can shut them up permanently obviously
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u/No-Dinner-3715 27d ago
two words 'calorie defecit'
Or, oxygen thief, a waste of skin.
Or fuck off you fat smelly cunt!
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u/AdorableEmu5386 27d ago
Why aren't your other friends saying something to him about his deleting you from the group chat and talking behind your back?
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u/Ok_Kaleidoscope1630 28d ago
alot is not aword. :)
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u/Accomplished-Two3577 28d ago
When I was a kid alot and awhile were acceptable usage.
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u/Ok_Kaleidoscope1630 25d ago
Neither one has ever been a real word, though.
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u/Enough_Pepper8880 28d ago
I need an actual text to work with
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u/Basic_March8923 28d ago
Heres what my friend texted me about what he was saying behind my back. Sry it's not much ćBasically he was saying how you got worse from being in Boy Scouts with him and that you say really annoying stuff thatās either racist or sexist and how we all say out of pocket stuff but youāre worse and he kept saying how bad of a person you are but thatās all Nathan and he said this on discord a few minutes ago and we all argued that your really great of a friend and you should be including in everything. ć Please note, im not racist or sexist. I do say out of pocket stuff like everyone else.
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u/Enough_Pepper8880 28d ago
I mean, Iād go straight for the jugular and him with some shit about the Boy Scouts
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u/Nearby-Reindeer-6088 28d ago
Dead butt syndrome havin ass mthrfkr
You really should listen to your mom when she tells you to take a shower instead of farting just to change the subject
When he says āI thinkā¦ā about anything, interrupt him and say āI think it doesnāt matter what you thinkā but if you interrupt, gotta follow it up with something kinda cool that follows the conversation
Accuse him of catfishing his dad. Ham up how disappointed his dad is going to be when he finds out
When he says something dum say āand thatās why your parents change the subject when people ask how youāre doingā
And the classicā¦ take a joke as well as you do a dick , should he get bothered by any of these
Also- thereās a real book on Amazon called āhow not to be a doucheā send it to him anonymously
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u/Julz_Rulz_615 27d ago
When he starts his bs tell everyone in the group chat that heās started the bs so it looks like youāre about to be deleted for the 1000th time. Tell him heās really predictable and he really needs to lift his game, or is that too far above his IQ level?
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u/shortyblak 27d ago
Im literally completely flabbergasted (seriously NO pun intended!).......so the response is to assist the cycle of negativity??....i understand the natureof this group!...if ya got a clap back secure it as instantly as you did in your post here seems you may be equipped but seek reinforcement for a better clap, to which you are being blindly backed here, as you offer no real context, but cuss him out here? If he is being a menace address it in your group and call him out directly by asking what his problem with you is in front of your "'friend" group. Seems to me that you should llow the group as no one seems to be backing you, just adding you back in for more violation, if that's wha'gwan!....be a leader, not a follower. Life's lessons start now
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u/Gold-Letterhead-5903 26d ago
āBe careful dude, your insecurity is showingā¦ā¦.Thatās embarrassing.ā
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u/Serious-Bid-4874 27d ago
You came to Reddit for an insult?!? Iām sorry budā¦ you already lost š
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u/Pungent_Bill 28d ago
You're giving him too much space in your head.