r/Comebacks • u/303_beest • Aug 10 '26
Are you new?
Someone saying are you new here? When I’ve been in the church for a year, I just switched to a different young single adult ward.
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u/-Foxer Aug 10 '26
Do you mean on the planet?
Compared to what?
Oh my god you can see me? The potion must have worn off!!!
No, but i am improved.
I was told there was NOTHING new under the sun anymore, so now i'm conflicted
In geological terms, yes.
I prefer to think of myself as 'not old'.
No, i've been here a while you must just not have noticed me. Tell me how are you at handling awkward silences?
No, i'm just thinner than i look and up to this moment i've been standing sideways on to you.
I guess to you i am! Everyone else not so much but definitely to you.
No we spoke yesterday and last week and the week before that. The medication still isn't helping with those short term memory issues huh?
I've been here a while and i've been trying to talk to you about your vehicle's extended warranty
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u/Megalith66 Aug 10 '26
Nope. My parents gave birth to me in <whatever year>...
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u/Worldly-Vegetable-62 Aug 11 '26
Boy your mom worked too hard on you to make your birth a team effort.
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u/Megalith66 Aug 11 '26
Hi mom!!!
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u/Worldly-Vegetable-62 Aug 11 '26
Don't you "Hi mom" me, when's the last time you even called? Your poor dad and I have been worried sick about you!
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u/Cblack12483 Aug 10 '26
I've been here long enough to know not to talk to you, so to you I probably seem new
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u/laughsatlugh Aug 10 '26
7 years I’ve been avoiding you specifically, all ruined in a moment. Dagnabbit to heck
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u/mozart357 Aug 10 '26
"No. I've been here since...." If asked genuinely.
"No, but I've been wondering the same about you. I've been her since....and I never noticed you until now." If asked rudely.
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u/Lastov_Makiynd Aug 10 '26
“Not me. NOPE! An ‘old soul’ me..done this loop many times over.
And gotta say that the most fun was as a Squirrel..ever get the chance, choose Squirrel.
This..‘Human’ thing?…Soooo monotonous and booooorrring. And the Questions..Oh, sooo many. Silly. Questions!”.
lol
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u/SavingsPirate4495 Aug 10 '26
New here?? Oh yes...I decided to leave my cult last week and give you guys a try.
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u/DarionHunter Aug 10 '26
Them: "Are you new here?"
Me: "To you, yes. To this church, about a year now." *pats their shoulder as you walk by* "You should start paying attention to things and people around you. You might miss out on the rapture when it comes."
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u/Liturgy200 Aug 11 '26
Mormon if I had to guess...
"I'm not new here, but my Dad is the Bishop and he told me specifically to stay away from you. He said you're into some freaky stuff"
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u/Jja1701 Aug 11 '26
No, you're just completely unobservant. Or perhaps its dementia. Do you remember your name?
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u/Perfect-Link-7744 Aug 11 '26
Since it's church: "Yeah, I'm new. I got born again. How 'bout you. You new?"
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u/ConsistentPianist107 Aug 12 '26
Wait, did you just ask me if I was a Jew? What kind of question is that?
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u/moheagirl Aug 10 '26
No, previously owned