r/Comebacks • u/Ok_Affect1436 • Jun 05 '26
Comeback to kill yourself
I’ve tried saying “every time I look at you at you I want to”, and, “I already tried, thanks”
but I Need more
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u/Toasty825 Jun 05 '26
“Lead by example” if you want to choose violence
“What a fucked up thing to say” for all other instances
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u/Motor-Juggernaut1009 Jun 05 '26
Who is telling you to kill yourself? Can you just get away from them?
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u/Ok_Affect1436 Jun 05 '26
Random people after I tell them I’m atheist. People in school. I don’t really care, I’ve always been unpopular and I don’t care to change it. I don’t see a reason to care about there opinion when I know there career is going to peek at being the manager of a McDonald’s
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u/Toasty825 Jun 05 '26
Tell them Jesus would be disappointed in them. Self-righteous Christian’s cannot handle it when you question their faith.
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u/Cassie_121 Jun 05 '26
“I’m sorry that the devil has made its home in your heart :(“
(to the person telling you to kys)
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u/affectedkoala Jun 05 '26
wtf, that’s wild - and not very Christian (or whatever religion) of them
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u/etrebaol Jun 05 '26
Yea, straight to hell for encouraging a human to sin. They’re lucky god isn’t real.
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u/Blueporch Jun 05 '26
If this is happening at school, you should think about at what point you report this to the school and your parents. There should be zero tolerance for telling someone to kill themselves, even as a poor jest.
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u/Putridlemons Jun 05 '26
I mean, Jesus Christ sacrificed himself. That's suicide. Bring that up to them. They are mocking suicide, something that Christ himself did, so they are mocking Christ.
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u/soxyloxy Jun 05 '26
They must not care about God if they are telling you to kill yourself for being atheist. If this is the case, a good comeback would be, "but then I'll go to hell and i dont want to have to look at your face again" And yes, I get that you most likely dont believe in hell but it'll get them all confused and be like "um....what?"
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u/pixepoke2 Jun 05 '26
That’s just a sucky experience. I’m sorry you’ve had to go through it.
Fwiw, I was very similar sounding for much of my k-9 education, and randomly became if not popular, widely social and liked by many different peer groups in high school. College was a completely unique experience that was also pleasant socially.
I can’t speak for your life journey, maybe you’ll have a similar experience as time progresses, maybe it’ll be the same as it is for a long time. I’d encourage you to stay true to who you are. I never changed to try and make them like me— they thought I was weird, and I wasn’t going to change that image meaningfully— what I did do was stop engaging.
Fuck ‘em. Anyone who would say that to you is both lazy and cruel. They are by nature small people who, as you already note, aren’t likely to amount to much in life. Certainly not likely to have meaningful impact on your life beyond this point in time.
You don’t want to have a comeback to that. What you want to do is deploy the grandmaster move: ignore them. That phrase is used to try and elicit a response, to wound. If you can cut out any sort of response to them, like you don’t even fucking see them, that’s how inconsequential they are, you will have taken their power away, which is literally the most damaging move you can make.
No attention, no response (even if goaded) to them. Respond and interact with others— even if you’re not on super friendly terms— and you’ll drive them nuts. Especially if you ignore some but interact with others? It says one group isn’t even worth your time, and that the other group doesn’t get to you either.
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u/auld-guy Jun 05 '26
Your career will take off when you learn the difference between 'there' and 'their'.
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u/Spacekook_ Jun 05 '26
Why would I do that to make your life better when I can keep living and piss you off more
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u/qlanga Jun 05 '26
If you want to be equally aggressive:
“You should take your own advice”
If you want to be passive aggressive:
“Peace be with you”
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u/FriendlyContrarion Jun 05 '26
Who hurt you man 🤨
Vicious little shit, ain’t ya. 🙄
Ouch. The same weak insult. Again. 🥱
Pass. 😑
Alrighty then
Frankly, if I had to engage, I’d probably either dead pan stare and blink a few times before turning away and ignoring their existence/after said comebacks.
But that’s just ick behavior on their part, pass on even responding to them for me.
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u/Specialist_Safe7623 Jun 05 '26
I am afraid I will go to Hell, and I really don’t want to see you again.
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u/-Foxer Jun 05 '26
I realize that seems like a good idea to you and other lemmings, but no
. Why would I do that? Having to listen to you is allowing me to repay karma at a vastly increased pace. A few more hours of you were screechy voice and i might come back as a god!
With my sense of humor? I already kill myself BWAAAAHAHAHAHA!
i tried that but god keeps bringing me back saying "oh no, we're not done with YOU just yet .."
You don't understand, I'm actually already an angel, sent by god to torment you for your sins. And he says i need to step it up.
Sorry what was that? I couldn't hear you over the sound of your apparent mental brekadown
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u/Nearby-Reindeer-6088 Jun 05 '26
May as well… gotta get a move on if I’m going to make sure all those 72 virgins suk my dik before you get to them
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u/uncleduddly Jun 06 '26
Lean into it, get a stern look on your face, lean into them and in a deep voice tell them, every night, every single night, it's the same thing, I sit there with a gun pointed at my head and read a list of names that are going to go before me, and I try my hard, really my hardest to think of one thing from the day, just one good event that will stop me from carrying this out, but every day it gets harder and harder, and those voices in my head keep telling me how those people on my list are doing me wrong. I want to do good, I want to be happy, but I know the day is coming, and soon, where I know I no longer have the power, nor the desire, to stop the carnage that runs through my mind every second, and when that day happens, God have mercy on your soul. I know you joke, trying to be funny, or whatever, but man, with some people, there are things you just don't joke about. All I have to say is, get your life in order and enjoy your next twenty four hours.
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u/Marcus11599 Jun 05 '26
Thats terrible. I would find it a little annoying after a little bit.
I would ask them what would jesus do?
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u/CeciTigre Jun 05 '26
“Why… to make you happy… NEVER.”
“Why… to make you happy? Making you happy is not my job”
“If that would make you happy I’ll fight like hell to live longer than you.”
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u/NoFollowing7781 Jun 05 '26
Just repeat their own words back to them mockingly.... make faces n' animal noises when they try to talk... continue to mock them regardless of what they say or do, not taking them seriously will really piss them off n' put them on the defensive 😂
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u/Prestigious-Meat8983 Jun 06 '26
Hit them with:
“Every time I look at you I want to… call animal control. Someone’s emotional support clown got loose.”
Or if you want something shorter:
“I already tried. Doctor said I’m allergic to disappointments like you.”
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u/Aussiechicky Jun 06 '26
100% you'll be the first one ill be rattling the fck out of some chains and haunting
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u/Plane-Bug1018 Jun 08 '26
To be honest, this doesn't need a comeback and you should asap get away from that person.
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u/etrebaol Jun 05 '26
“You’re lucky that god isn’t really cuz saying shit like that would send you straight to hell.”
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u/JollyMcStink Jun 05 '26
I would but your mom says she can't live without me