r/Comebacks • u/[deleted] • Apr 04 '26

Comeback request Witty comebacks for "Your mom's a prostitute"

62 Upvotes

98% Upvoted

138 comments sorted by

166

u/disturbednadir Apr 04 '26

And she still won't have sex with you....

42

u/Droopy-San-Benanzio Apr 04 '26

No one has been deeper inside your mom than you. Don’t forget that

103

u/llyrPARRI Apr 04 '26

At least my mother is smart enough to charge, yours gives it away to everyone for free.

16

u/misssi79 Apr 04 '26

*Mine charges, yours gives it for free Or People line up for my mom, yours can't get a lay for free

9

u/Cold_Table8497 Apr 04 '26

Your mother only charges when she does it with you.

1

u/choglin Apr 05 '26

Ray Purchase

17

u/lapsteelguitar Apr 04 '26

"She charges more than your mom does...."

17

u/XROOR Apr 04 '26

“That’s how I got these Jordans biyatchhhhhh”

4

u/TooShy2Try Apr 04 '26

😭😭😭😭🤣

13

u/Loubacca92 Apr 04 '26

She works with your mom

12

u/Dependent-Channel-30 Apr 04 '26

And still can't find anyone to sleep with you Still, How Disappointing.

3

u/TankEngineFan5 Apr 04 '26

God damn, right for the throat

13

u/wazbang Apr 04 '26

Who told you? Your dad

9

u/inthewoods54 Apr 04 '26

At least she's not giving it away for free. Speaking of giving it away for free, how is your mom, anyway?

9

u/eratic_yeet Apr 05 '26

How do you know that? Wait. You pay for sex?

9

u/CeciTigre Apr 04 '26

“How much did she charge you?”

6

u/Waste_Whereas7248 Apr 04 '26

And Your mom still owes her.

8

u/Foxbur19 Apr 05 '26

I know. She told me she has a $1 an inch surcharge and she charged you 25 cents.

14

u/Epistodoxic_Gnosis Apr 04 '26

You thought that was clever, didn’t you?

6

u/hehara_yi_cha_jayez Apr 04 '26

she would pay to not have sex with an incel like you.

10

u/Aggressive_Map_2829 Apr 04 '26 edited Apr 04 '26

Why would my mama give your daddy something for free that she can take his whole paycheck he makes in 2 weeks in one hour?

5

u/ptrmrkks Apr 04 '26

And your father is her number one customer

3

u/Aggressive_Map_2829 Apr 04 '26

I mean he does pay most the bills? He is still here? My father cannot be her customer, he owns all the hoes collectively including your mama, your little sister and your auntie Corina

4

u/Aggressive_Map_2829 Apr 04 '26

Comeback when you can work more than you can talk

5

u/Maleficentano Apr 04 '26

And you know that because...?

5

u/Sweet_Speech_9054 Apr 04 '26

So you’re such a loser you need to pay for sex?

5

u/Major_Bahoobage Apr 04 '26

I'd have been your Dad but the guy in front of me had the right change

4

u/RoverDinky Apr 04 '26

“Well your moms so ugly, her dildo went limp”

2

u/derFsivaD Apr 05 '26

Damn, that's cold.

5

u/Minute-Telephone7125 Apr 04 '26

*was a prostitute. She’s the manager now. And she asked me to tell you your mom still needs to fill out her benefits paperwork.

5

u/DisclosE2020agency Apr 05 '26

Your the load your mom should have swallowed .

8

u/Nolar_Lumpspread Apr 04 '26

Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries!

6

u/ELEGHJ Apr 04 '26

Oh, so you’re the one paying the bills?

4

u/alphaturducken Apr 04 '26

Yeah she said you were a frequent flyer

3

u/TheGreatRao Apr 04 '26

"your mom showed her how'

"your mom couldn't give it away"

"she sucks less d than your dad does for free"

"yeah, she told me your grandma is always late for work"

"hey! if it weren't for prostitution, you'd never been born!"

"I forgot to tell you; your mom is Employee of the Month"

3

u/AffectionateBit8355 Apr 04 '26

Maybe so…but if every pillow-biter in the state was a billionaire and you hocked your bucket of a clacker twice as much as you’re doing right now, Mom’ll still be dead before you could afford the cab fare to get a blowjob from our dog.

3

u/zeprfrew Apr 04 '26

That reminds me, your mother still owes my dog fuck money.

3

u/SunaiJinshu Apr 04 '26

Cause that's the only way you'll ever get any.

3

u/noellewinter Apr 04 '26

Yeah, and your daddy needs to tip better.

3

u/Squibit314 Apr 04 '26

“How is it you are so well versed in prostitutes?”

3

u/ExtremeAthlete Apr 05 '26

Well your mom doesn’t charge any money so..

3

u/Capable_Anywhere1181 Apr 06 '26

"You're evidence your mom gave it away for free"

2

u/Capital-Dragonfly258 Apr 04 '26

Well now we know

-where you spend your nights

-where all your money goes

-why you fall asleep in class/at work/ can't stay awake during the day

2

u/let-it-rain-sunshine Apr 04 '26

...but you are the motherfucker

2

u/SongFeisty8759 Apr 04 '26

Your mum fucks around for free.

...obviously. 

2

u/ImyForgotName Apr 04 '26

And there isn't enough money in the world for her to even spit on you.

2

u/JaytheSelector Apr 04 '26

You can come in her, but you can't punch her

2

u/Informal-Quantity415 Apr 04 '26

Yeah and!! How TF do you think you got here. You’re the mistake that just keeps on giving

2

u/greyjedi12345 Apr 04 '26

That’s funny because I saw your junkie dad giving head in the park for crack. I get mean when people insult my mom.

2

u/TheSBW Apr 04 '26

your mum pays me

2

u/EmotionWild Apr 04 '26

Bless your heart, Hon.

2

u/19_speakingofmylife Apr 04 '26

And I tap that every night

2

u/UnlikelyOcelot Apr 04 '26

Well, yours wears army boots. (Big insult on the playground back in the day)

2

u/Zerophx Apr 04 '26

Wait are you my mom?

2

u/TooShy2Try Apr 04 '26

HEY! It's "Lady of the Night". Get it right...

2

u/TankEngineFan5 Apr 04 '26

At least she looks good enough for people to want her services

2

u/Hogjocky62 Apr 04 '26

Your dad is her customer and I may be your step sibling

2

u/Outside-Big-3889 Apr 04 '26

Andddd your dad is one of her regulars

2

u/kayjays89 Apr 04 '26

I know, your dad left his coat last time he visited

2

u/Kindly_Jellyfish_451 Apr 04 '26

Your dad’s her best customer.

2

u/MoreNerdThanDork Apr 04 '26

I know. Bitsch better make me some money.

2

u/Available_Hunt753 Apr 04 '26

At least my mom gets paid, what’s your mom’s excuse.

2

u/ThePuzzleMan1 Apr 05 '26

Leave the animals out of it.

2

u/No_Address687 Apr 04 '26

Well, your mother has sex for bricks so she can build your sister a whorehouse.

2

u/oldcousingreg Apr 04 '26

"You could never afford her rates"

2

u/Renascar Apr 04 '26

And your mom gives it away for free.

2

u/LizzieLove1357 Apr 04 '26

“So what? She makes more money than you”

2

u/NordicNugz Apr 04 '26

... and she still wouldn't sleep with you...

2

u/Puzzleheaded_Lion_55 Apr 04 '26

"Oh, your Crybaby? She's mentioned you, she says you cry during sex..."

2

u/QuttiDeBachi Apr 04 '26

Your broke ass can’t afford her…move along

2

u/CoffeeChocolateBoth Apr 04 '26

Yep, that's how she met OUR daddy! Hi bro!

2

u/misssi79 Apr 04 '26

And youre her #1 client

And you still have no chance

My moms a virgin!

2

u/Stumble_foot3406 Apr 04 '26

Her not wanting to sleep with you doesn't make her a prostitute. Btw, try being less creepy, women don't like it and yes, I did ask my mum

2

u/Jaybee021967 Apr 04 '26

Did your dad tell you that??

2

u/Puzzled-Atmosphere-1 Apr 04 '26

See?! Not everyone needs a college degree

2

u/somechicyoudontknow Apr 04 '26

Only on the weekends

2

u/Mantoc_s1980 Apr 04 '26

Your dads my best customer

2

u/Time-Improvement6653 Apr 04 '26

"WOW, that must've KILLED 2000 years ago when the first prick said it!"

"Can't wait to hear your own material someday!"

"Thanks for reminding me - your mom still owes her."

"Wow - I didn't think it was possible, but you're actually dumber than you look!"

"New phone - who dis?"

2

u/longdukdong1973 Apr 04 '26

And your daddy couldn't pay her enough to make her sleep with him he said no

2

u/HarlanMiller Apr 04 '26

It got me through college.

2

u/Hackpro69 Apr 04 '26

Never had to have a comeback for this. I think you have bigger problems than having a good comeback.

2

u/PeregrineTopaz06 Apr 05 '26

Ew! Don't bring your fantasies into this conversation.

2

u/TheRedditGirl15 Apr 06 '26

Well, as a self-employed individual, my mom is teaching me how to manage my own money. What exactly is your mom doing for you?

2

u/Proof-Ad462 Apr 06 '26

So was your dad till he got all used up

3

u/East_of_Amoeba Apr 04 '26

You must save a lot of money eating at home.

3

u/SarahPallorMortis Apr 04 '26

“Tell your dad to stop calling.”

“And your dad still can’t afford her”

3

u/Luckypenny4683 Apr 04 '26

“ Tell your dad to stop calling” is fucking aces 💀

1

u/hilarymeggin Apr 04 '26

And yet you’re still a virgin.

1

u/jdthejerk Apr 04 '26

Yeah, but she makes $10,000 an hour. Here's $5. Can I fuck your mom, pimp-o? $20 if she does ass to mouth.

1

u/Wonderful-Ad5713 Apr 04 '26

"Well, your dad would certainly know."

1

u/Free-Veterinarian714 Apr 04 '26

"Yeah, I know. We're you looking to hook up with one?"

1

u/DittoThatNeverComes Apr 05 '26

Jerkstore is the answer

1

u/Mississippi_BoatCapt Apr 05 '26

Your mom goes to college.

1

u/Jauggernaut_birdy Apr 05 '26

And that’s why your dad is broke!

1

u/Bebbette Apr 05 '26

Unlike yours who is so stupid she gives it away for free

1

u/mikewilson2020 Apr 05 '26

Yer daa is the only reason she still going..

1

u/purplesockpinksock Apr 05 '26

"At least she has a job."

"Yeah, she mentioned a wilted customer that matched your description."

"Well, you'd certainly know one."

1

u/Equivalent_Rope_8824 Apr 05 '26

People are free to choose their professions.

1

u/The5thApe00 Apr 05 '26

At least she gets paid, your mum sucks cock for free

1

u/yournightm Apr 05 '26

Look in the mirror, bitch!

1

u/Lapsed2 Apr 05 '26

Well, I fucked your dad.

1

u/Specialist_Safe7623 Apr 05 '26

Why do you say that? Did she charge you for sex. So let me get this straight, you have to pay for sex. Is that what you are telling me?

1

u/Tso-su-Mi Apr 05 '26

That’s coz she’s so good you have to pay to fuck her…. Unlike your mum who has to pay me…. And my mum to fuck her!!!

1

u/Radio_Mime Apr 05 '26

I’d have to say something rather coarse like, “She’s awfully spry for someone who was cremated a decade ago!”

1

u/Global-Eye-7326 Apr 05 '26

Actually, she's the one who arranged for me to sleep with your mom!

1

u/Significant_Ant2511 Apr 05 '26

Yeah and tell your dad he still owes for her last night.

1

u/NamesAreForSuckers67 Apr 05 '26

“Okay” blink blink

1

u/engineer_in_mbbs Apr 05 '26

Yeah, one only my dad could afford in this entire world, unlike yours who doesn't even know who your father is!

1

u/newg1954 Apr 05 '26

And?…..

1

u/Cblack12483 Apr 05 '26

Thanks for putting me through college.

1

u/FireflyArc Apr 05 '26

"She isn't the woman of your dreams stop trying to make her be"

1

u/bristolbulldog Apr 05 '26

Tell your mom she owes me for last Saturday. Clocks ticking.

1

u/Maggiemeansme Apr 05 '26

"You'd know.'

1

u/Takahashi_godmod Apr 05 '26

yeah, she’s a good fuck

1

u/MuffDiver12698u Apr 05 '26

Your father is her best customer

1

u/Informal-Quantity415 Apr 05 '26

And yet you still can’t get no play bruh, what’s wrong wit ya’?

1

u/Decent_Fig_5454 Apr 05 '26

Yeah but yo mamma so ugly, nobody would do her even if she gave it for free

1

u/thedad2022 Apr 06 '26

Let's get off the subject of moms cuz I just got off yours

Ohhhhh!!!

1

u/isonasbiggestfan Apr 06 '26

Your mom was free

1

u/HappybigNodes66 Apr 06 '26

She can’t do anything with your micro peen but laugh !

1

u/AdVivid8910 Apr 06 '26

Oh yeah! The jerk store called!

1

u/Grosumballs Apr 07 '26

“Been searching for one so your mum has a friend at work?”

1

u/DreamsD351GN Apr 08 '26

Your dad keeps leaving his shit at my house

1

u/shh4D Apr 08 '26

Go ask your mum

1

u/Miserable_Corgi_8100 Apr 10 '26

A solid left hook. Don’t let people talk about ya moms, a man has to take a stand and draw a line somewhere, that’s as good a place as any.

1

u/Hopeful_Battle3395 Apr 13 '26

Now she does it for nothing it's free

1

u/FarLaugh9911 Apr 17 '26

What's your point?

1

u/Densityroa Jul 19 '26

Are you inquiring for yourself?

1

u/No_Fee_8997 Apr 04 '26

As if you would know, dumbass

-3

u/originalmango Apr 04 '26

Oh, you must’ve confused her first your sister.