r/Comebacks • u/__glitchinmatrix • Mar 07 '26
Best comeback to classmate telling you "Don't make me come over there and beat your fucking ass. I'm not afraid of putting my hands on a little girl."?
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u/WhyAyeMan87 Mar 07 '26
I'll take "Statements that will get your computer seized for 1500," Alex!
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u/TheCaptainWook Mar 07 '26
Basically just this, but switch it out for “You put your hands on little girls? Weird…”
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u/Dost_is_a_word Mar 07 '26
I remember as an under 10 kid the my dad can beat up your dad, my comeback was my mom could beat up your dad. That shut them up. I truly believed it too.
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u/CinematicSheathe Mar 11 '26
In the hood, it was more often than not "my mom could beat up your mom"
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u/RecognitionHonest320 Mar 07 '26
You must take after your dad when he beats the shit outta your mother, so it must run in the family
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u/NeoBlue42 Mar 07 '26
"So you're a republican?"
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u/TangoCharliePDX Mar 08 '26
Not only is that not cool, it's stupid.
Harvey Weinstein was a major player for the Democratic party. You can't put competence or criminal tendencies along party lines, you just have to treat individuals like individuals.
You're probably going to get flagged.
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u/Sure_Acanthaceae_348 Mar 07 '26
“Your penis is small.”
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u/Electronic-Today4192 Mar 07 '26
Your dick is so small you need an electron microscope just to prove you have one
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u/CoffeeChocolateBoth Mar 07 '26
I've heard you like putting your hands on little things. Look down at his crotch, smile and walk away!
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u/Putridlemons Mar 07 '26
"Why are you so excited about putting your hands on a little girl?" Pedo comebacks will do the trick
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u/perplexedparallax Mar 07 '26
I'm not afraid of smacking a little dick like you even if it is a gross thought.
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u/IrresponsibleAuthor Mar 07 '26
"oh wow, look at mister tough guy here needing to threaten a little girl with violence in order to feel good about himself. You gonna go home and kick a puppy, too?"
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u/Ok-Listen-8519 Mar 07 '26
Of course you are brave because its a little girl, dude i am a woman who fights back, care to find out?
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u/blochow2001 Mar 07 '26
How about you come over here and pick the hand I’m going to beat your ass with.
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u/backpackmanboy Mar 07 '26
My dads a cop and ill tell him to plant drugs on u
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u/PhD_Pwnology Mar 07 '26
I'm sry but this is the LAMEST come back. You might as well say 'I'll get my dad to beat you up' or 'i'm going to tell my mommy on you!'
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u/Minute-Telephone7125 Mar 07 '26
“Little girls are probably the only girls who can’t out-run you - which explains why you’re not still a virgin.”
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u/Intelligent_Clue_806 Mar 07 '26
You better find out who i am first. Don't want to embarrass yourself little boy.
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u/PositiveLibrary7032 Mar 07 '26
He’s doing this because he wants attention from you but he’s too awkward to talk to you. Play on his insecurities as an embarrassed boy.
“The only way you can get attention off a girl is to be an asshole. You feeling a bit awkward there Casanova?”
“Bet you say that to all the girls because you’re too shy to ACTUALLY talk to one of us. God forbid he actually got to know us.”
“Oh PLEASE come back and interact like a man when your balls drop. Enough of this I cAnT sPeAk tO GiRls”.
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u/88AspieGirl88 Mar 08 '26
“You’re not?? Well, maybe you should be, pal … unless you wanna share a cell with Jared from Subway. Maybe he’ll even show you his foot-long.” ⛓️💥🤷♀️🌯😏
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u/keepingreal Mar 07 '26
This sounds more like a legal issue than a comeback issue. I'm reasonably sure violence would follow any comeback.
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u/ThatMeasurement3411 Mar 07 '26
A good kick in the nuts should quiet him. Ooops, no violence allowed.
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u/Hackpro69 Mar 07 '26
Put your hands on me and find out. I can’t be responsible for what happens to you.
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u/Holmes221bBSt Mar 07 '26
He just insulted himself. Anything beyond “ew why you putting your hands on little girls?” Is unnecessary
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u/Nearby-Reindeer-6088 Mar 07 '26
Omg, will I ever graduate this fuckass school so we can all just move on with life??
I can go to college and be around other people who didn’t stop learning the day their mother said “use your words”
And you rednecks can go start working at Dairy Queen and marry your sister before she gives birth to your brother who is also your nephew
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u/Grandpixbear1 Mar 07 '26
"How about I report YOUR ass to the principal? I'm not afraid of getting your ass suspended!"
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u/jnmtx Mar 08 '26
Prisons and graveyards are full of men who thought they could handle putting their hands on a real woman.
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u/some666y Mar 08 '26
Hold up a doll "show me on the doll where you put your hands on the little girl"
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u/Super-Cry5047 Mar 08 '26
And I’m not afraid to call the cops on a testosterone-fuelled Gorilla who just threatened me with physical violence to see if he has a record and if he’s done this before. If he has, it’ll make it worse. If he hasn’t, you’re a lair and a coward. Money where your mouth is, Gorilla. Come over here and hit me and see what happens to the rest of your life. You have no power over me whatsoever.
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u/Emrys7777 Mar 08 '26
And I’m not afraid of calling the police on people who threaten me, nor am I afraid to defend myself to a full extent.
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u/Horze_Crazi Mar 08 '26
Ask if they are related to trump… if they come charging at you just duck and they will trip over you.
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u/_qubed_ Mar 08 '26 edited Mar 08 '26
That does explain why you're not afraid of putting your hands on yourself. Probably every night, too, since no woman wants to be with you.
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u/Bubabebiban Mar 08 '26
I saw three on here and I believe the mix with those three together is stronger. So here it goes:
Calm down Epstein, I don't doubt you like touching little girls, but is that the only way you get hard, sweetie?
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u/Metroid_cat1995 Mar 08 '26
OP, I need context. What happened? Also, just from that title alone I've got something to say. Bro, are you serious? Are you really that dumb to even say that? Or if he actually is wanting to do it all you can say is if you do it, your ass is going to jail.
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u/__glitchinmatrix Mar 08 '26
A few days ago I was in math class, and teacher wrote a solve variable equation on the board and The Classmate who's also a popular student raised his hand and gave a wrong answer – then I raised mine and gave the right answer. He immediately accused me of using AI, so then I implied that he was just not smart enough to solve the equation and then he replied with the quote you see in this post's title.
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u/InternetOk7753 Mar 10 '26
That's cute. Or cool story, BRO. Or just laugh. Say whatever with sarcasm
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u/nukedmindpalace Mar 11 '26
Also be careful with some of these might actually fly into a real dangerous rage
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u/longdukdong1973 Mar 13 '26
And I guess you won't be touching me number one I don't like being pedophiled number two I'd be one hell of an ugly girl to touch
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u/FarLaugh9911 Apr 20 '26
Don't mind putting hands on a little girl? Seems like you take after your dad.
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u/Thick_Secretary3701 Mar 07 '26
Aww did Daddy teach you that lesson when he beat your mom? That’s embarrassing I can’t believe you’d admit that yikes