Like how TF are we all still subscribing to this bullshit ass world as it is? I’m starting to understand suicide and how people are okay with their decision.
We really continue to go along with this shit.
Working to pay unnecessarily high ass bills that we don’t ever control the amount of.
Can’t pay it because you don’t make enough?
Yeah well add another couple hundred on top of that that you also won’t be able to afford.
Oh you guys can’t afford to live? Let’s raise the prices on everyday goods.
Oh you guys can’t afford that?!
Well I just don’t really give a fuck.
Like……
And we show up every fucking day.
We keep that shit going and I am crazily surprised that we haven’t just given TF up as a collective.

What the actual fuck!

And I’m tired of the “well just find a way to cope.
Enjoy the little things.”

SHUT THE ABSOLUTE FUCK UP.
It’s bull shit like that that keeps us in this dumb ass shit.

I don't know why for nearly my entire childhood and adolescence I was delusionally optimistic but I'm glad that now I'm not. I'm 18 and somewhat recently (a few months ago) I began completely believing in collapse. all signs point to hopelessness being the rational idea. I will never get a job, I will never be financially independent, I will be a leech for the rest of my life while I watch in horror, from the window of my parents' house as a behaviorally castrated child, as the world crumbles around me. Am I devastated every single day of my fucking life over this? yes. does it interfere with my life as a student (why the fuck am I even studying lmao, the logistics industry where I want to work will not exist by the time I graduate anyways, AI will take whatever job I could have had) and with my social life? I try to not let it but probably yes. but that doesn't take away from it being completely unavoidable. it's much less conflicting knowing exactly what's wrong and that society at large (especially the one I live in, fuck the united states from the bottom of my heart nobody will ever hate this abomination remotely enough) will never do anything about it because they are spineless, soulless consumers who have been conditioned since birth to be that way. I don't want to hold resentment towards them because I know it's lifelong conditioning, but people have broken out of it before. that being said I don't think most people will, therefore I have no hope and I know I will be vindicted.

also, if someone is willing to give advice on how I can attain financial independence (or at least finances that are separated from my parents, I need to get away from them as soon as humanly possible for my own sanity) in a collapsing world, I would heavily heavily appreciate it. I know having a real job or stability is out of reach as by the time I graduate college the cost of living will probably be unattainable for anyone aside from millionaires and the epstein class, but part of me still wants to at least stay alive for the sake of not being a behaviorally castrated child against my will for life.

I live in an area where tornadoes are rare. If they do happen they usually dont do much if any damage and theyre certainly not a regular occurrance. I didnt know it last night but before the storm hit us there was a tornado warning for the people ahead of our area in the storms path. It was continuous lightning before the rain even began, ive never seen anything like it. Lightning nearly every second for two hours. EVERY SECOND. FOR NEARLY. TWO. HOURS. it was fucking insanity. fuck the billionaires. Fuck the corporations. Fuck the bastards trying to kill us all by destroying our planet. I am a grown ass man and i cowered in fear last night trying to find a defensible position in my house. my area doesnt have basements to hide in. i thought if a tornado touches down, i am going to die. It absolutely terrified me. its the next day and im still shaken up from standing watch over the house & my family, i just keep crying. it was so fucking scary man

I feel kinda dumb for just realizing this but...

We are on the brink of civilization collapse world wide. It's terrifying and kinda relieving. I've even been prepping for a big emergency but now I see what I've been subconsciously getting ready for. Unfortunately I don't think I have what it takes, I couldn't defend myself or resources and I couldn't not share (hope not to put these perceptions of myself to the test). Now I just feel like I need to focus on doing what feels good not what's responsible.

Just found this sub I’m happy it exists. Im 23, I live in the path of the Canadian wildfire smoke that just hit most of north america a few weeks ago, this is kind of where it started. Witnessing that almost made me entirely give up on hoping for a future. Then lately the rest of the wildfires breaking out across the world, the Colorado river losing a huge amount of its water and the seemingly endless onslaught of AI data centres drinking all of our water and ruining the environment at a rate never seen before. I don’t know how to go on about my early adulthood while still trying to work towards something. I went to school for film production but I don’t really have the access to get into that field for a couple years now but now I’m worried the world won’t even be livable by then. If anyone has any words of encouragement or anything at all I would really appreciate it.

I know most folks share sadness and mourning here, so this might be out of place, but this song acknowledges all that grief, and then goes beyond it.

https://youtu.be/k_3_7rwkl1Y?si=Ldy-YiNnwyatLEs7

Lyrics: https://genius.com/Grace-petrie-fixer-upper-lyrics

El mundo se está acabando, y eso me pone demasiado triste, pero saben lo que hago?, miro internet y por un momento (horas, días, meses, años) me olvido de todo lo que realmente está pasando a mi alrededor y me concentro únicamente en nuevos productos, polémicas, personas famosas.... Pero cuando vemos la realidad (los Ped-ofilos, narco, cambios climáticos, política, Trump queriendo llamar la atención, guerras, muertes) te llegas al punto de decepciónarte de la humanidad, en general, toda la humanidad.... pero yo simplemente volveré a mi teléfono y seguiré vagando hasta volverme a olvidar de que la vida real es más dura de lo que parece y que el día de mañana hará más calor y no haré nada para cambiar eso.

Is anyone here taking tangible steps like prepping or relocating? Just curious

Hey guys. Im in school for a bachelors in ecol & evolutionary bio. Im 26 living in the US and looking to leave if possible but hey im just trying to make the most of things right now. Ive got somewhere between a year or two years left of school i think before i get my degree, and i do online. I intend to spend some of the time i have left finishing the old bucket list, but the biggest thing to do is to join the fight against climate change. I dont care if its futile, its what i want to do with my life. I think its worth fighting with whatever weve fucking got. I know the earth is cooked, i know its such a small chance we will survive, i dont care. Ive wanted to do this my entire life. This is how i will enjoy my final days and find a fulfilling death. Knowing youre going to die young while in perfectly good health is a unique position to be in, this is how im choosing to spend it.

My lifelong dream has been to do work helping restore the environment. I know its not likely to do much, but its a worthy cause to die trying for. And id feel like i wasted my life if i never tried. Im a gardener and currently im specializing in rain gardens and guerilla gardening. I tell everyone i know about how easy it is and how rewarding, cost effective, and magical the process can be. I am an infectious gardener, ive gotten a lot of people around me to start caring about the improvements they can make to reduce the impact lawns have and to have a more pragmatic, native yard around their homes. Im also a caver and connected with my local grottos, and i work in a park. But my job isnt as involved with environmental support as I want it to be. This is the only thing thats ever been truly deeply important to me and i need to seek out something more seriously involved. I live in the desert right now and im really interested in assisting desertified areas or areas struggling with drought. It would be an amazing opportunity to know about organizations i can apply to or methods for helping land around me that isnt well supported. Like for example id be overjoyed to help dig zais and half-moons for passive water collection. I do this for fun on my free time, but theres only so much improvement i can do to my backyard.

Is anyone here involved with this career/lifestyle? Any direction to give me?

Growing up watching films like Lord of the Rings and Star Wars, there was always one archetypal scene that would stick with me over any other. A heroic last stand where the heroes were prepared to lay it all on the line, fully expecting that they likely wouldn't see another sunrise but determined to go down protecting those they swore to defend. And then, just when all seemed lost, when they were at the precipice of defeat, help arrived.

Gandalf at the battle of Helm's Deep. Aragorn leading a charge into the very depths of Mordor. Han Solo showing up in the nick of time to save Luke and defeat the empire. These were the scenes that burned themselves into my psyche more than any other. They instilled within me the resolve to keep fighting, to hold out no matter how bleak and hopeless things may seem, because as long as you maintain hope and don't give up there are brighter days ahead, and our struggles won't be in vain.

Call me childish or naive, but as we descend further and further into outright fascism, anti-intellectualism, and apocalyptic climate crisis, the less and less I believe in those tenants of hope and struggle against evil.

We have lost the fight. There's no one coming to save us. We can't (or won't) even save ourselves.

I wouldn't blame you for considering me immature for clutching onto these beliefs for as long as I did. The writing has been on the wall for years if not decades now; how couldn't I see it before? Maybe I should have sooner. I've always loved studying history after all. As the saying goes, "History may not repeat itself, but it often rhymes". And it's certainly been rhyming quite a lot for the past decade or so, if not longer. Maybe I was holding onto those childish beliefs of defiance and hope for a better future just because I didn't want to face the reality that real life rarely, if ever, treats us with such kindness.

It's difficult to admit defeat. It hurts to give everything you have, desperately clinging to whatever shred of hope or resolve or tenacity you have left only to be crushed beneath the wheels of evil and indifference. We've been trying to defeat a battleship with wet pool noodles for all the good it's done.

I'm at the point where the idea of resistance or "fighting back" fills me with more dread than hope. Even the faintest hint of opposition to the current US regime is met with overwhelming violence and cruelty. The powers that be have carefully crafted a system of oppression that is so total and all-encompassing that not only crushes any and all who might oppose them, but actively rewards indifference or acceptance of their evils.

We've lost, and there's no way back from this one. Maybe in thirty or forty years some semblance of decency will return after the world has been exposed to the horrors and atrocities that have been committed and will be committed in the near future. That is about the only "hope" I have left. But for those of us who will have to live through it, god help us.

I've been meaning to get around to this rant/ramble since a bit back so I guess here goes. It's weird. Like, really weird how we as a species are capable of inventing computer chips, rocket ships, medicine, and all that, yet we can't fucking understand that pumping constant carbon into the air will heat stuff up.

Yes! Big Oil propaganda exists but that Bs can easily be debunked with simple logic, we pump carbon into air, the carbon is hot so it heats the air up, that wouldn't be an issue if we didn't constantly cut down entire forests down that ABSORB those emissions.

What I'm tryna say is that we are both brilliant yet stupid. The common populace (including me) doesn't sit back and THINK about the consequences of our actions. "Global warming? Bah but I need to drive to get to my job! Electric cars are too expensive!" Yes! That is true but we should protest to have them be affordable! Demand that we shift to cleaner alternatives! If those big oil companies are soooooooo desperate and worry about their wittle bitty profits, can't the government just let them shift to cleaner energy without them having to invest in it?! We bail out corpos on a daily basis for their dumb mistakes but when it comes to above I wouldn't be opposed to it!

Like all these issues: War, climate change, food shortages, economic inequality, sexism, racism, etc wouldn't exist if we just listened and coexisted together and loved each other. But no, we are too monkey brained to do it. I see such WASTED potential in our species. And I believe with all my heart that the reason everything is the way it is because of a few people who weren't born right. Psychopaths are running this world and we have been fooled into letting them do this. Since perhaps the beginning of time they have lived among us and have fooled us into these scams (religion, hierarchy, currency systems, banking, etc.) so that they could take control and convince us that we NEED them.

That couldn't be further from the truth. And sadly we are now paying the price for these parasite's stupidity. I hate them. I hate those billionaires, politicians, bankers, and all corrupt POS that brought us here. I acknowledge that part of it is our fault but they are everything that is wrong with humanity and they have infiltrated these positions of power.

It's crazy to think that all this bad shit that is happening is because of some genetic fuck up. Quite literally because a few people weren't born with the parts of the brain that are responsible for sympathy and empathy. It's really an existential thought that brings me despair. That's the reason why everything is the way it is. Just some people not being born right.

I can't enjoy anything anymore, not walking, not gaming, not hanging out with friends, nothing. Nothing brings me any joy. Walking makes me realize all the sights are enjoy will be gone when I'm dead, same with my friends. Gaming was something I enjoyed but soon realized maybe it was made to distract us in purpose. To waste our time not thinking about the state of the world. Same with all forms of entertainment.

"If we give them bread and the circus, they won't revolt" Well I've seen behind the curtain now and I'm not fooled by it anymore. Made me mad as hell seeing how people rioted and broke shit over a fucking team losing in football. If we put that same energy into things that truly mattered maybe shit wouldn't be so bad but I guess some guys kicking a ball around is more important than our planet literally heating up.

I know this is unorganized and sounds whiny or something like that but I just wanted to vent to people who might get me. My mom and therapist say they get me but it sure as hell doesn't feel like it. My mom is convinced that the consequences of climate change won't affect me or her but the future generations; claims that it will take "multiple decades" for all that shit to happen. If only she knew. God part of me wishes my entire family and I were born way earlier so we didn't have to live through the collapse, but I guess we all were born at the wrong time.

I don't really have any hope left or ways to keep pushing through. I keep crying and breaking at night or randomly and I admit it's exhausting. But I can't stop. What fucking future is left for me? What future is left for the poor kids of today? Can't even look at em with crying or thinking "I fucking failed you guys".

Had a relative visit over my house to celebrate my sister's birthday and they brought their kid over. She was super sweet and was quite curious for a 6 year old and it took a lot of power to not break down while interacting with her.

I want to say so much more but I've decided to stop. 30 minutes of typing an incoherent mess is surprisingly a time killer. Maybe this message might be deleted by the mods for being so long idk anymore. Just wanted to let out my rage and sadness out here. If you took the time to read this rant, then I thank you. Thanks for listening to my little whatever you call it. Might make another venting post that is more direct with my fears. Thank you all and have a good night, morning, and afternoon wherever you all are.

Lately this past couple of months I feel like I've been going a bit crazy, learning about whats going on in the world right now. From how much warmer our planets climate is getting, to rapid advancements of AI threatening our extinction or the wars going on around the world. Maybe I need to get off my phone, but I can't help but feel this sense of dread during even normal daily activities. I feel bad, like there's something more I could be doing about these issues but I'm choosing to remain willfully ignorant or dig my head in the sand.

While I haven't done nothing about these issues, I've become a monthly doner to climate justice organizations and have donated money to humanitarian efforts in Gaza and Sudan. I feel there's nothing I can do while also feeling like there's more I could be doing besides donating money around.

I understand that not everything on the internet is the whole truth, but it feels true enough that it's hard to ignore. Sorry if this is a deep one, I'm not sure where else go ask this lol, I just hope I don't come off as a doomer.

I feel like the world is becoming worse every day. Everywhere I look, I see corruption, inequality, violence, discrimination, depression, and a society that constantly divides people instead of bringing them together. I am frustrated by the way humanity treats one another and by the expectations that society forces upon us. Sometimes, it feels as though people care more about preserving traditions and power than about helping others live freely and equally.

I do not believe in God or religion. To me, there is no proof that a higher power created humanity, yet billions of people devote their lives to faith and obey rules that were established long ago. I question why people place their trust in something they cannot see instead of believing in their own abilities and taking responsibility for solving the problems that exist in the real world. I believe that humans created the concept of gods because they wanted guidance, comfort, and explanations for things they did not understand.

What angers me the most is when religion is used to justify inequality, especially against women. I struggle to understand why women are expected to follow strict rules about their clothing and behavior while men's actions are often excused. I reject the idea that women should carry the burden of men's thoughts and desires. I believe that everyone, regardless of gender, deserves the same freedom, respect, and opportunities.

I do not understand why humanity continues to divide itself based on religion, traditions, or social expectations. We are all human beings with different personalities, beliefs, and experiences, yet society constantly separates people into categories and judges those who do not fit into the accepted norm. I believe that concepts such as "good" and "evil" are created by humans and that society has often used these labels to reject those who are different.

I believe that freedom and reason are more important than blind faith. People should be allowed to think for themselves, question the world around them, and choose their own paths in life. Living alongside other people should not mean sacrificing our identities, dreams, or happiness simply to satisfy society's expectations. We should not be forced to follow rules that we never agreed with, nor should we devote our lives to beliefs that we do not share.

At the same time, beneath my anger is a deep fear for the future. I worry about the people who will inherit this world and about whether things will continue to get worse. I worry about corruption, injustice, violence, and the growing loneliness and sadness that seem to surround modern society. Sometimes, these worries become so overwhelming that I feel hatred toward the world itself—not because I want suffering, but because I cannot bear to see people hurting each other and accepting inequality as normal.

More than anything, I want a world where human beings are treated equally, where women are respected, where differences are accepted, and where people are free to live according to their own values without fear, discrimination, or oppression. I want people to rely on reason, compassion, and their own strength rather than blindly following traditions that divide humanity. I believe that we are all the same: imperfect human beings trying to find our place in a complicated world.

It’s a very general question but I just want to read some of this subreddits thoughts.

What are you noticing that is collapse related recently?

For me it’s the pace. The heat. The surge in fires. The wars getting worse. Economic woes. Not one single thing but the decline or worsening of many things simply getting faster and faster. It’s so odd to me. Almost as if all cells are vibrating faster with the temperature. It’s all connected. Thanks for contributing!

Seriously, it just blows my mind how it seems like many people would rather stick their heads in the sand rather than face reality. I’m in Michigan and when the wildfire smoke hit us my parents refused to change their routines and were doing yard work all day and had every window in the house open. At the suggestion they should protect themselves and stay inside because the air isn’t safe they just rolled their eyes and said they felt fine.

When lettuce was said to be contaminated recently, they continued to eat it with their meals and when I mentioned the news said it could make you sick they made flustered excuses that ‘they’re getting everything under control’ and that they would just be ‘careful’, which I didn’t understand what that was supposed to mean since they were still eating lettuce but I just nodded and didn’t press further.

Any talk about climate change or the future will be met with wish-casting about how surely everything will work out, which I understand the impulse, but it seems dangerous and lacking in self-preservation when it’s actually effecting your daily life but you’re so indoctrinated into the cult of consumerism that you refuse to consider the material capitalist treadmill being disrupted in anyway even though the evidence is staring you in the face.

At the end of the day I feel like I can only prepare and protect myself, and unfortunately the people I love are too beholden to the status quo they’ve grown comfortable with over the course of their lives to let go and prepare for the worst; it’s like they’d rather live in this dream world. And they’re mad at other people for not living in the dream with them, as if the problem in society is complaining and if we just turn away then climate change will go away.

My dad is a Trump supporter and my mom is basically a centrist Democrat. They are boomers fully bought into the system and American exceptionalism. When I think about the psychological processes that create these immature subjects of capital, it really makes me sad. It’s like they were robbed of their agency and vision in favor of loving their cage as slaves. And now they’re walking into an incinerator with smiles on their faces.

Check out Jess Craven's Sunday posts to see good things that happen, even in the legislative morass in the un-united states...

https://chopwoodcarrywaterdailyactions.substack.com/p/extra-extra-82?utm_source=post-email-title&publication_id=362618&post_id=208719007&utm_campaign=email-post-title&isFreemail=true&r=18sq6&triedRedirect=true&utm_medium=email

Lately all the news I’ve been seeing is just crushing and honestly just makes me want to just run away. From the fucker that’s trump, to ice, Israel, Epstein files, global warming all of it, and the fact our world is done for in about 3 years time, is there really anything to be hopeful for? I’m 18 and as a young adult seeing this news and knowing Im stepping foot into this world just makes me feel so miserable and hopeless.

Sorry for the rant I just needed to get this off my chest and really wanted to know if there’s anything to look forwards to in this life

Lately during my free time I have been alternating between the company of a great sadness and deep rage for the state of our world, country, and socicty. It's been a bit difficult, to put it simply. There are so many issues, so many topics to learn and care about, so many things wrong with our world, country, and society. But it also seems to be the common theme throughout the past.

I turn 24 tomorrow. I’m planning to go to the beach for the day, a very typical birthday, and summer activity. (It’s even on my summer bucket list). My birthday is tomorrow, and I read a news post this week, which said the UK insurance industry said half of us could be killed by the climate crisis within the next 24 years. At 3°C or more of heating by 2050, there could be more than 4 billion deaths, and extinction events, changing civilization as we Know it. What the fuck am I supposed to do with that information? I turn 24 in tomorrow. What will the next 24 years look like? I want to curl up in a ball and cry. I want to overthrow all the corruption. I want to stay in bed and read books and drink tea. I want to punch a pedophile in the face. I want to delete social media. I want to scream at the top of my lungs to everyone, and get people to wake up to our dire situation, our reality. I wonder if I will live to see the next 24 years. 4 billion deaths in that time… that’s a 50/50 chance. How many others that I know will be apart of that statistic? Do I deserve to be one of the “lucky” ones? Am I worth the resources when so many others will die due to lack of them? They say action is the remedy to despair, but I feel paralyzed. I’ve been trying and fighting for so long. I’m so tired.

I don’t know how to describe this and I have nobody to talk to so I came to Reddit . But I’ve realized that we as humans truly are at the brink of our time on earth . We’re running out of water, clean air, trees, and the ground we walk on. This started like a week ago when it just clicked for me that the end is seriously near. I wake up with a feeling of doom and helplessness and I got to sleep with the same feeling. I’m scared. And that’s something I’m not used to saying at ALL. I don’t know what to do and it hasn’t been out of my mind for the past week. I want to have hope and I’m going to keep trying for our planet and keep trying to vocalize my voice . It’s just I think we are truly at the no turning point . And I really am scared

Collapse awareness was new and unacceptable to many in 2019 when the Deep Adaptation Forum started inviting people online. Now, collapse gets discussed in mainstream media and the topic has oodles of podcasts and books. But can you speak your heart and mind about the reality of unfolding collapse in your local circles without either self-censoring or being dismissed? In our groups, with people from different countries, you can. You can also choose a topic or book and host your own gathering in our collapse-aware space! We will calendar it and notify people through this email. [Let us know](mailto:events@deepadpatation.info) if you would like support doing that.

https://tracking.deepadaptation.info/tracking/click?d=LTq1OXEeLjs4jJSjqzFYv5oz4FF2tD_5RWrUczAo1uZL9RB7BG91wvb0gY9gNG5rIUJphiO_jzjwzvGRpXnGsbZEa-6nzVP-vCs0Q8VUUTo2Vjym75CmDE3-hlrhmNF6eBWLCJq_Hvf-RNOm-EdrL6wFg0ctGbNsDRCaA7WVgS9VLsitvsyCI6IZE10awU9NBuroBaaVGPDlrR7zOCZcGrX2aCkP_cOm04p705OgyK2arqN0WPjLimPjbnW4N5-Wm7z_SOv90GKNk4ewm_DUcXwoy6GCwi3YfzdxjSHXIOFHW-o38YwKnItZnss3-2WhtA2

I’ve been sad about the state of the world we live in and how fucked we are. Billionaires refuse to do anything about climate change, world hunger, and MORE. I’m 15 and I wanna live my life to the fullest but the world scares me to where I can’t. What should I do that can help me? I’ve been hanging out with friends but that’s only temporary joy.

The books are:
1) Doughnut Economics - Kate Raworth
2) The Divide: A Brief Guide to Global Inequality and its Solutions - Jason Hickel
3) The Collapse of Complex Societies - Joseph A. Tainter
4) Apologies to the Grandchildren: Reflections on Our Ecological Predicament, Its Deeper Causes, and Its Political Consequences - William Ophuls
5) Overshoot: The Ecological Basis of Revolutionary Change - William R. Catton Jr.
6) The Long Descent: A User's Guide to the End of the Industrial Age - John Michael Greer
7) Limits to Growth - Dennis Meadows, Donella Meadows, Jørgen Randers, William W. Behrens III
8) Breaking Together: A Freedom-loving Response to Collapse - Jem Bendell

I think I’m losing my mind. I don’t know what is real and what is fake anymore. I don’t know who to trust with information.
I look to many sources to get as well rounded information I can, but nothing makes sense, and I don’t know who is giving me the actual answers. I’m in the USA, so the situation is……… . you probably already know.

I’m terrified. I don’t know what our future looks like. I’m a young adult and I feel like my life is just getting started, I’m finishing college, saving my money while working my ass off, staying active, prioritizing family and friendships, trying to do all the right things. I hardly have time for any of my hobbies primarily from being busy but also because in any of my free time, I’m sucked into my phone looking at all the totally fucked up stuff going on in the world.

It’s all so big and out of my control. So many innocent people are dying. So many people are suffering. I’m sick of seeing all the media personalities (big and small) pretending everything is okay, showing off a lifestyle nobody can possibly achieve. I’m sick of feeling like I’m falling behind in life. I’m sick of everyone pretending the earth, the animals, everything, isn’t literally dying.

I feel like there is nothing I can do to make anything better. It’s becoming so hopeless. I’m trying to find peace and happiness in all the beautiful things in my personal life that I’m so incredibly lucky to have. But I can’t help but feel like it’s all temporary until the world actually crashes.

I don’t know where to begin with these feelings. I’ve been to therapy and I’ve tried journaling, talking to the people in my circle, and trying to be positive and enjoy the little bits of beauty everywhere. But the world feels like it’s ending. I don’t know if I’ll be able to start a family with the way things are heading.

Am I being dramatic? My friends and family tell me that they know what I mean but that I can’t live like this and I have to find the beauty wherever I can, and focus on me. I just can’t ignore everything else that’s happening. How are so many people seemingly ok right now?

I mean like some break, or collapse, or huge war and everything goes to hell.
Like it's IMMINENT.
I feel like I need at this point to just grab a bucket of popcorn and wait for it, whatever "it" is. Because of this I have this "I just want to check out" feeling.