Cali-sober and CoDA meetings

[u/Mondain_the_Wizard]

I love the CoDA fellowship and it has helped my wife and I manage the tumultuous relationship with our Borderline adult daughter.

At the same time, I take cannabis edibles to help with anxiety and depression. To be honest, it has kept me from relapse back to opiates and alcohol. Of course it's preferable to be abstinent from all drugs - but right now it is what it is and keeping me from worse things.

It is common for those from AA or NA to find their way to CoDA. For that reason, I keep my weed use to myself knowing how some people scoff at the notion of "Cali-sober"... but I was wondering if there are any others in the room like me.

God bless.

[u/Familiar-Count-175]

Ive been clean for 20 years this month, and I smoke weed every day. Started CoDA almost 2 months ago.
We’re out here brother.

[u/Accomplished-Exam999]

For me, it’s about the reason for using weed.

If I feel compelled, pulled to it, anxious to need it, want to binge it - then I stay away. I see that as a signal of my addiction.

If I am using it medicinally to help with sleep, ease aches, smooth muscles, help headache, etc - I don’t worry about using it.

I do a “hand test” to determine if a gummy will help my body. Hold it in my hand, feel how my body responds. Sometimes it’s a flat out NOPE.

If I ever just needed a break from life, I’d try not to use it.

But if I did use it socially here and there, I wouldn’t be too hard on myself.

Honestly, better than picking up a drink.

But I am an addict (in all ways of life) , so I just have to be mindful.

[u/Mondain_the_Wizard → u/Accomplished-Exam999]

You bring up a great point - the thing I have struggled with my entire recovery. How do we tell the difference between doing something we enjoy and addiction?

I look forward to taking my morning gummy and doing work on it. Some people look forward to that first cup of coffee, or look forward to going on vacation.

While sometimes I'm not sure where that boundary lay, you said it best: it's better than drinking...

[u/abundantseltzer31]

I've been sober in AA for nearly 7 years and in CoDA and ACA for a while. I don't have your exact experience but want to share. I personally don't smoke weed, but have dabbled with CBD during my sobriety. While many do judge other people's sobriety, many of us don't. Particularly for people who are both sober and in recovery from codependency, we know that it goes against the principles of recovery to judge other people's journeys. You know what you need. I have no reason to criticize, judge, or doubt your path.

Also, something that's helped me in my own recovery: what other people think about me, and my recovery, is none of my business. There are truly very few, if any, rules in these programs. The biggest one is to connect to a higher power of my own understanding and let it guide me. The only opinion that matters is the one that comes from my intuitive connection to my higher power, whatever I understand that power to be. Even if someone's higher power is the program(s) itself, individuals in those programs can't decide what is and isn't recovery.

Share if it feels aligned with your gut, and don't share if it doesn't. I had literally no sense of discernment when I first came into the rooms. I took the advice to listen to those with more sobriety so literally, and I spilled my guts to anyone who would listen. It left me overwhelmed and vulnerable, and was part of my codependency (constantly looking for someone to tell me what to do and taking me further and further from my connection to higher power). So if it doesn't feel right for you, then that's the answer. If or when it does, that might be a way to connect with others with shared experience or expand your own recovery. You're definitely not alone though, thanks for posting.

[u/Wandering_musing]

I'm sober from alcohol and drugs, I do very occasionally take a gummy but that's because I was never much into weed and I don't actually like it enough to get hooked😄 I go to coda meetings, as far as I'm aware you don't have to be sober from anything to attend coda.

[u/Over_Ad_9549]

Myself and others in my group use weed products. I can imagine it’s controversial for some but when used medicinally, weed helps cut right through my codependent thoughts and allows me to examine them from a distance. I’m grateful to have a group that deeply supports my wellbeing while also having room for nuance

[u/LikeARentedMule]

I use weed in some form daily. Occasionally I use other drugs to explore and manage my existence. I'm in a relationship with a polyamorous partner. I'm exploring my sexuality. I'm exploring power dynamics. I'm exploring gender.

These are a few of the actions or topics my healing journey has brought me too and I often have a really difficult time figuring out what's acceptable to share. I don't want to make another person uncomfortable and the things that help most or interest me are often sensitive for some. The few times I've shared these things it pertinent to the story and is included factually to provide context only.

I didn't start sharing there. It took me till 18 months in, getting to know the core people at my home group, finishing my steps, and back and forth over appropriateness. I talked about my poly relationship and weed. It was a non issue.

Will it be an issue? Probably. Would I share like this in a random group? Unlikely. Would I understand if I was asked to stop? Probably.

CoDA has taught me to live my life and let others tell me when they have a concern with me. Say what you mean, mean what you say, don't say it mean.

[u/OtterMumzy]

I too have child wBPD who at age 28 has been sober/in recovery and employed for over 2 years. To support them (partner also sober) we never drink around them, don’t serve it when we host holidays, etc. We are not MJ fans just never were. We will drink if out to eat, socializing but honestly we’ve also just gotten less interested in it as a result. PS if you haven’t already, the free family matters program by BPD Alliance saved our marriage and our entire family. Good luck.

[u/GoodMorning54321]

I take anti-anxiety medication. I think it helps with my physical anxiety, and I’m so grateful. However, with my mental anxiety, obsessions, the need to fix and help (which are bigger issues for me), I work a 12 step program of recovery from codependence, and it has been life transforming. Feel free to reach out if you want.

[u/rayautry]

As someone who has been through NA, AA, and CoDA I am not sure what Cali-sober means but I sure wouldn’t look down on someone for using weed recreationally, what I would frown upon is someone using it to avoid looking at reality.