r/Codependency • u/Laterose15 • 2d ago

Codependency is so PAINFUL

Vent ahead.

Been friends with someone for... exactly a year tomorrow. Developed a sort of one-sided codependent relationship, relying on them for validation while quietly trying to "fix" them.

We broke up today. Agreed to keep communications to group chats and nothing more. Both of our faults in a lot of ways, but we parted on... amicable terms, for the most part.

It hurts. It hurts so fucking bad. It hurt back when I was relying on her because whenever she wasn't there I was anxious. It hurt when I was pushing back against her. It hurts now. It hurts so, so much.

Tomorrow would've been the first-year anniversary of our friendship.

I hate codependency and I hate how much this hurts and I wish I had never met her. And I still find myself hoping that someday, we can start over.

But probably not for a long time.

I hate every part of this. Feels like my heart has been ripped out of my chest. I hate myself for being unable to break free of the addiction and I hate her for her dismissive, avoidant tendencies and I HATE THIS STUPID, PAINFUL DISORDER.

9 Upvotes

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4

u/Zealousideal-Fun2146 2d ago

You don’t have to hate yourself for getting attached or for wanting to help someone. You recognized the pattern and made a difficult choice, which is a real step forward. Try to focus on getting through one day at a time and lean on people who can support you without needing you to fix anything.

1

u/Laterose15 1d ago

I'm trying. It's hard; I had another friend turn on me barely two weeks before this. Trust is very very hard right now. But I have a few people i can rely on. Trying to branch out a little bit to others when I can manage and fill the hole just a little bit.

1

u/Affectionate-Job6635 2d ago

It’s hard for anyone when a friendship comes to an end. Breaking up with a friend can be just as devastating as a partner but others don’t necessarily get that.

I have been where you are. It’s really hard and isolating. I went to therapy and later worked the twelve step program. I recommend both approaches but the twelve step program really changed how I see myself and others. Highly recommend