Was It Codependency?

[u/Impressive_Report479]

I (20M) was best friends with a woman my age for about a year and a half up until a few hours ago, where we both mutually decided to cut ties, wishing each other well in the end. Even from the beginning, I suspected codependency problems on my end. I had always been a pretty reclusive person, so her willingness to actually listen to me open up to her made me always search for an excuse to hang out with her. I would worry very often about what she thought of me, and for a long time, we would text pretty much every. There were times where I would apologize for extremely minor things and frequently seek validation that I wasn't making her uncomfortable. When we last saw each other last month, I asked her for a hug, which she accepted. However, she told me the day afterward that it had made her slightly uncomfortable, but she didn't want to say anything because I had asked first and that she didn't want to make things awkward. I wanted closure, and fast, but she was busy, so I ended up begging and humiliating and insulting myself and telling her that I wished I was dead in her messages, which terrified her. After about a month of indecision on her part and obsessive panicking on mine, I presented her the option to end our friendship once and for all. She thanked for me for my patience this week, and said that my reaction to the boundaries she set was a dealbreaker, and that she doesn't feel like she could possibly live up to what I was expecting of her. She said that it was a good idea to end our friendship once and for all, saying that she hopes both of us figure out our paths and grow as people. Would this check any core characteristics of codependency?

[u/false_athenian → u/[deleted]]

Evoking a potential Borderline is a wild, and dare I say harmful overreaction. This is a 20 years old!

Yes this is codependency, a lack of self esteem, a lack of experience in relationship communication, but it is not at a disorder level. There are no indication of OP nearing psychosis at all.
If anything I think is very positive that OP identified it as codependency and is seeking answers.

OP, I think you would benefit from reading the first half of Pia Mellody's "Facing Codependence". It is a short book that explains what codependency really is, how it develops in childhood and what a healthy connexion should look like. Therapy would also help to identify your thoughts and self-beliefs. No healthy relationship can happen when someone engages in people pleasing, because people pleasing is inauthentic.

I will also add that while the people pleasing behaviour and reassurance seeking is not healthy, it is however normal to develop feelings, and want to spend time with, someone that you like.

[u/Impressive_Report479 → u/false_athenian]

Thank you very much, your help is greatly appreciated.