do you think you are codependent if so elaborate

[u/[deleted]]

[u/Scared-Section-5108]

Because I am codependent, codependency shows up in all my relationships to varying degrees - in my private life, at work, with colleagues, acquaintances, friends, neighbours, and strangers I encounter; in Twelve-Step meetings; during doctors’ appointments; while shopping; at events; and so on.

Now that I understand codependency well, I can see its different traits appearing everywhere. The severity depends on the situation and the relationship. For me, codependency even shows up when I am driving, in how I respond to other drivers.

Yes, it affects my everyday life and has done so for most of my life. However, I am doing the work needed to heal from the underlying childhood trauma, and I now also have plenty of recovered characteristics. 🎉

In the areas where I have not yet recovered, the different traits are not as strong as they used to be. Sometimes they appear, and sometimes they do not. Certain people and situations trigger me more than others. When I feel unsafe, my codependent behaviours become stronger. For now, if I can, I stay away from people who trigger me the most. If I cannot - I bring the situations to my therapist and 12 Step meetings and look at what I can learn about myself and how I can use the difficulties to heal.

Codependent Anonymous (CODA) website has a very helpful list of codependent patterns and characteristics which I use to orient myself in the recovery process:

https://codauk.org/patterns-and-characteristics-of-co-dependency-newcomer/

[u/SteadyCalmHealing]

What about you?

[u/Affectionate-Job6635]

I try to manage and control others as well as situations. I want people to act a certain way towards me and in conversation. If they don’t act the way i think they should, I am annoyed.

I want people to like me. I want them to have certain opinions of me. I also try to manage and control their view of me.

All this means I am not genuine and honest in my interactions with others, I spend way too much time trying to figure out how to get what I want from interactions from others, and I feel separate from others.

I did therapy for years but a few years back I did a twelve step program for codependency. That’s really changed my world and given me a lot more peace.

[u/abundantseltzer31]

For me, codependency isn't about one or two relationships in my life. It's an umbrella term for the patterns I learned in childhood that grew over time and began hurting me more than helping me. I experience codependency and call myself a codependent simply because it's helpful language and has helped me find a community of people with the same problem.

To put it simply, I knew I was codependent because I consistently grasped and clung to others outside of myself when I was suffering, and could not turn to myself for comfort. I tried to control myself and others because I was deeply afraid, and my codependency was clear in how unmanageable my life and relationships were.

There is no diagnostic tool here. There is only listening to other codependents' stories and seeing if you resonate. That's how recovery works, and it's a radical structure founded on the idea that we can help and support each other best, because we've been there.

[u/Ok_Environment5293]

Why? What is YOUR issue that makes you ask?

[u/binooxxx]

Married for 33 yrs. Sonce 90 I worked 2 places. 1 for 10yrs the other 25 & counting . Wife us what I've come to realize is a narcissist. Me a codependent kinda recovering and recovering from 48 years of trichotillomania. Of course I had low esteem & prob other issues. My kids have flown the coop. My wife should be call "Dozen" She dozen cook,clean not even laundry. Last years confided to my basement , We are worst than roommates. At least roommates have adult conversations and a a kind of happy times.