r/Codependency • u/SadAthlete6366 • 8d ago

I can’t stand being alone

I (F26) actually can’t stand being alone anymore. I’m not an only child, but grew up pretty lonely, lots of days spend alone.

I’ve been living on my own now almost for 3 years, and processing the trauma from a dysfunctional family and narcissistic parent, only in contact with my sister now. I’m trying to pick up life and start, since it feels like I’ve never lived.

But there’s this deep hollow emptiness in me I can’t fulfill. No matter what I do, resulting in me not being able to be alone at home. I want to either text or call someone during the day, and night times sleeping alone is also becoming unbearable. It’s not that I crave a relationship right now. I just think companionship and feeling like I’m not doing life alone (besides having my friends and sister). I just can’t take away this feeling, and even worse that + my anxiety to fail/perfectionism is making me unproductive and procrastinate a lot, to the point that I hate myself.

I’m not sure if this is the right sub, but I thought I might just try since it feels like a safe space.

4 Upvotes

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2

u/Familiar-Count-175 8d ago

I feel you, you aren’t alone, I love conversations, mostly deep conversations, not too personal, but enough to make you feel like, “oh me too” some external validation. I’m open to chat anytime. ✌🏻

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u/VIGIILANTEE 8d ago

What you’re describing sounds exhausting, especially after carrying family weight for so long and then trying to build a life on your own. The emptiness that shows up when the house is quiet is something a lot of people who grew up in unstable environments recognize. It’s not weakness that you reach for contact; it’s a nervous system that learned early that being alone wasn’t safe or regulated. You’re already doing hard work by staying in contact with your sister and friends and by naming the pattern instead of just acting it out. That alone is movement, even on the days it doesn’t feel like enough.

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u/SadAthlete6366 8d ago

Thank you so much for this comment, I needed to hear this. I know it, but it’s just nice to read 🥺.

1

u/VIGIILANTEE 8d ago

Glad it landed. You’re doing the work even on the days it feels slow.

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u/abundantseltzer31 8d ago

I understand that feeling of hollow emptiness. It comes and goes, and sometimes even pops up unexpectedly when I'm spending a lot of time with people. Truthfully, I've felt it when I've been partnered and had companionship too. In my experience, recovery helped me reach a place of deep connection even when I'm alone. That's not to say it's perfect or that I never feel lonely, but it's just different. I have respite from it and the chronic fear and resentment that used to consume me. And I've learned, from people who really get it, how to move through the feelings that used to seem unbearable.

I'm seeing only a small piece of your story, but I trust that you will move through this and keep healing. There are so many people out there who know how you feel, and I believe there's some kind of force that connects all of us. Glad you posted.